Where Do We Go From Here? [A.Matthews]

[fourteen]

"When I was 15 I got pregnant. It was the first time I ever even had sex, and my doctor had told me that my chances of ever getting pregnant were slim. So when Peter and I had sex the first time, I had stupidly told him that I couldn't get pregnant so he said we didn't need a condom. Didn't think anything of it. Didn't really have a lot of symptoms, so I just kept living my life. We have a party every year back home, and Peter and I went together. I got stupid drunk on some jungle juice and ended up having to get my stomach pumped, and that's when I found out I was pregnant. But by then I had lost the baby. I was four months along. Then I realized what I thought was stress were symptoms. I fucked up. I killed my baby."

Steph had tears running down her face, and Mitch could barely close his mouth. Even Karmina swiped away a few of her tears, and she was there when everything happened. 

"Why would Peter say what he did then?" Steph choked out.

"He's insane. Even after all this happened, we still stayed together, but finally my parents threatened to send me to live with my Grandparents in Florida if we didn't stop seeing each other. They threatened legal action if he ever brought it up, and they had a court order to back them up. They could have gotten him arrested for statutory rape, because I was only 15, but we all agreed on the court order. He had me so brainwashed to believe everything he said, that I hated my parents. I was depressed and suicidal. But Blake saved me."

"Fin, don't." Karmina said, full tears falling steadily down her cheeks now.

"I have to." I shook my head, not allowing my fear to stop me. It was time that everyone knew the full truth. 

Auston's eyes had yet to leave me, but his expression was unreadable. 

"Blake and I knew each other, but we didn't become close until after Peter and I were over. It was Blake who told me how I had gotten so drunk the night of the party. Peter had been overloading my drinks with even more alcohol, because apparently he had a suspicion that I was pregnant. He told his plan to a group of guys, and Blake overheard. It was a month after I lost the baby, and I was in a really dark place. I was texting him about how I couldn't do this anymore. I wanted to end it all. He came over to my house, and stopped me before I could take-"

My voice broke.

Talking about the night I wanted to die was one of the hardest things I could do. Reliving it was torture, but I needed to do this.

"He stopped me. He cared about me so much, that's why he became so obsessive. It was just who he was. All anyone saw was him obsessing over me, when I knew he just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't do anything stupid." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Steph asked, his voice shaking from crying so hard.

"I couldn't. I was the fucking golden child. I was on track to go to Berkeley. And I was drinking, and pregnant, and my whole world fell apart. I felt like the biggest failure ever. How my parents have supported me all this time." I shook my head, my gaze falling to the floor. "I don't deserve any of this, and yet here I am." 

Auston stood up from his place on the couch, and my heart sank in my chest. 

This was too much. I knew this would be too much. 

He stepped forward, and brought me into the closest hug possible. His arms were under mine, and his face was pressed into my neck. Hesitantly, I wrapped my arms around him. The feeling of his skin on mine, and his scent hitting my nose brought an immediate calm into my body.