Silver Claws [Drarry] ✔

Chapter 54: Oh, the evening rain

This chapter contains content which some readers may find triggering. Please scroll down to the end of the chapter for a trigger warning list since it contains spoilers.

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It was late April and the light that sparkled against the slightly playful lake seemed darkened. The flowers were blooming softly against the spring breeze and laughter of careless students hung from the sky. Harry could see the sun that whispered warm melodies of spring but still, he felt calmer when the weather became heavy, unpleasant for the cheery classrooms and loud with thunder.

The rain has been filling their days for nearly a week and a certain, almost morbid, beauty glowed against the Hogwarts grounds. It seemed that because of his restless nights, salty cheeks from tears he had used days ago and sore mind from nightmares that now lived in his days as well, he was seeing the perfect being of nature.

He often found himself staring at the bright green budding trees against a backdrop of heavy storm clouds that were stuck on the edge of the forest, pale blanket of daffodils dripping with rainwater that covered the grounds; traces of impossibly purple crocuses, a deep saturated violet...

He found peace in songbirds singing before the sun has fully risen and his head was still drumming with pain. He loved opening the window on a sunny afternoon expecting warmth but instead being met by a cold thawing stillness.

He enjoyed the darkness that shone in spring because it was comforting knowing that he wasn't the only one who was choking on bitter sadness served for him like fresh robes.

It's been a hard couple of weeks and evidently, he wasn't doing so great in overcoming the feeling of pure pain that has now come back after months of absence. He spent his nights with his eyes shut, hoping it would get him some sleep but even when it did he was met by painful reminders of his failures.

At first, he let the fear overflow his days and the darkness that now seemed more opaque than ever worried him but as days passed he let himself slip into the soft embrace of his own sadness. Having thought about things he refused to consider while loving Malfoy, he decided that he didn't really care or at least he didn't care that he did. He decided to pretend like the last six months hadn't happened and quickly fell back into the exhausting routine that he had started back in September.

He tried to forget about anything and everything, concentrating on homework and his studies hoping it would give him a reason to try and win against the fog that covered his life since he stopped seeing Malfoy. He didn't know why the fog came because truly, he now saw things clearer than ever and finally, he saw just how lonely his life has become but also just how lonely it has always been.

Hermione and Ron tried pulling him out of the mud of his own thoughts but they were nowhere near strong enough. They sat on their couch one evening, back in the Gryffindor common room where Ginny had suggested to meet them, thinking that maybe Harry needed a little change of scenery, some distance from all the greys and blacks that covered the Eight years' dorms. Maybe the warm maroons of Harry's old dorm would help him.

It was late, probably past midnight and the conversation between the Golden Trio was pale and boring, dragging itself across the dying fire of the fireplace before them. Harry sighed at one of Hermione's questions and said something about being tired of this whole thing. They sat there in silence for a few moments, melancholic gloom radiating from Harry.

"It's strange," Harry said, suddenly, his voice raspy and weak. "How hollow I feel... It's like those chocolate bunnies people used to buy around the time of Easter. A sweet shell encapsulating a world of nothing. I'm like that. I encapsulate a world of nothing. "