[thirteen]

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This was harder than I thought it would be. 

The smell of the room, the sounds of the room, everything about this room.

The tube stuck down his throat making sure that he could still breathe. This wasn't my Blake anymore. 

"Hey Blake." I said, my voice cracking at the end.

I took his limp hand into my own, remembering how warm his hands always used to be, now they had a distinct chill to them. 

"I would say you're looking good, but they need to do something about that hair." I chuckled, knowing that he would have thought the same thing. "I'm sorry I haven't been to see you in awhile. Or at all. I'm really sorry about that. I had the time, I just couldn't do that. I know you wouldn't be able to either if our positions were flipped." 

What I wouldn't have given in that moment just to hear his voice.

"I live in Toronto now. I mean I don't know how long I will live there, but it's a nice change. I finally made it out of here. And you said it would never happen. I could never leave my parents or Beau, but I did it. I'm living with Steph, which I mean who else would I be living with. I have a boyfriend. Or had a boyfriend. I really don't know where we stand at this point. Peter had a lot to do with that." 

I shook my head to erase the memories of that night.

"Even despite all the shit that we went through, I never thought he would stoop this low. He told my secret. A secret that wasn't even his to tell. The number of things that I've had to tell these people now is just too much. It's getting to be too much. I need you. I need my Blake to assure me that things are going to be okay."

Tears flowed down my cheeks in streams. 

"I miss you Blake. Everyone thinks I left because of you, but I would be here every single day if I could. I never wanted you to go. Please just don't go." 

+

"Merry Christmas Finley." My mom said, coming up to hug me as I came downstairs. 

"Merry Christmas, mom." I said, putting on the best smile I could before hugging her.

I walked over to the couch, and wrapped up in the blanket I had left there the night before. A bigger pile of presents than three people needed were under the tree, and more off to the side for when the rest of the family showed up in a few hours.

My mom passed out presents, my pile being obnoxiously huge, and I knew she was just trying to cheer me up.

"Go ahead." She said, sitting down, and clapping her hands excitedly.

I started opening gifts, and was overwhelmed with the caliber of gifts she got me.

New Sperry boots, a new Kate Spade purse, a new MacBook. 

"Mom, I don't need any of this stuff." I shook my head at her.

"But I wanted to get you some new things. You've been doing so well, and I am so proud of you." She smiled fondly at me.

"Next year, I better get empty boxes." I shook my head, moving on to yet another huge present. 

After endlessly thanking my parents, I went to go get ready for my yearly Christmas tradition. My parents were always more than willing to let me do my own thing, and on Christmas it was no different.

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