Chapter 12| Panic attack

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Millie

My eyes scan the backstage, shoving past the twenty or so people currently around me screaming in my ear as I try blocking out any and all noise. I need to find him. No matter how badly this will end up, Finn needs me by his side.

My eyes hurriedly scan the busy crowd ahead until they suddenly soften, fixing onto another large group of people around Finn, his head in his hands, covering his face.

I start running through the crowd, pushing my way past as I finally reach Finn, my heart starts increasing. I grab his wrist as I push past everyone, making my way to the nearest empty room- the changing rooms.

We get to it as I lock the doors behind me, my other hand still wrapped around Finn as he snatches his hand off my grip. He backs away slowly, both hands back in front of his face.

"Finn," I say quietly and slowly, trying to calm the sudden thick tension that tingles in the air.

He doesn't respond, instead, he leans back on the wall, sliding down until he's sitting on the floor, head in hands. I start making my way slowly to him. That's when I suddenly hear his passive, quick and heavy breathing.

"I think- I think I'm having... a panic attack" he gasps between deep breaths. My head starts spiralling, should I take him to the hospital?

OH.

Oh god.

Oh god oh god oh god.

"Start thinking of good things! Positive things in your life, friends! Family!" I exclaim as I grab both his wrists, forcing them to uncover his face. He looks back at me, tears streaming down his face.

"All I'm thinking off is clicking cameras and bright lights" he gasps between breaths. His breathing quickens, becoming more louder as he takes deeper ones.

I have to do something.

Now.

"Take deep breaths Finn" I exclaim in panic, he shakes his head passively.

"I can't stop thinking- panicking...worrying" He gasps between breaths, "All I- I ever wanted to do was a-act.." he stutters.

"This is the price we pay" he whimpers, something that makes me want to melt right there and then.

"Think of good things in your life Finn! Think of me!" I exclaim without thinking. He starts rapidly shaking his head.

"When I think of you.. a- all I... t-think of is h..him. All I think about is how he has you" He gasps in between breaths. I feel my heart suddenly drop five feet under. 

What?

"Shhh" I whisper quietly, cupping his cheeks as it forces him to look up at me. His golden brown irises tingle with panic, tears streaming down his freckled face. My face inches away from his.

And that's when it hits me, I've seen this before. Somewhere on t.v. But that means I have to-

"Finn-" I whisper as my eyes fall to his soft lips. My head isn't really registering properly and in my quick response to the pressure to make sure Finn is okay I have to come to facts that I need to do this, even if I'm going to regret it, even if it's going to cost- for him.

I have to do this, is the last thing that comes to my mind before I suddenly plunge my lips against his, feeling sparks fly through the room. He doesn't react for a second before he strongly kisses me back, my skin electrifies, almost on fire.

I'm kissing him, I'm kissing Finn Wolfhard. I'm not eleven, and he's not Mike but Finn, actually Finn.

The whole world suddenly sinks to my feet at the taste of his lips. It feels right, the only right thing in my life. I count to thirty before slowly releasing his lips, my eyes still squeezed shut as my lips suddenly miss the feel of his soft ones.

My eyes flicker open to see Finn looking back at me in shock, his rapid breathing has stopped, his cheeks suddenly dried from the tears.

"Millie-" A soft whimper escapes his lips as my name sounds so gentle from him, so delicate."H-how did you-"

"I saw once...that holding your breath can stop a panic attack," I say slowly, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, his confused chocolate eyes holding mine captive.

"So when you kissed me-" he says catching on.

"You'd hold your breath.. yeah" I finish his sentence softly, suddenly feeling like the whole room is spinning.

"That was- really clever Mills" he gasps, his impressed and still in shock face looks back at me, his lips parting slightly.

It wasn't mike I kissed, it was Finn, and the best part of it was. I wanted it to happen, even after I lied and told him I liked Jacob. I wanted it to happen.

"Thank you" He manages on saying after a few moments of silence, his gaze still holding mine captive.

My eyes widen in realisation, the butterflies fluttering around my stomach, the electrifying feeling. The reason why I always feel strange when I feel his eyes on me- why his hugs are the only thing that can calm me down.

Why I can't stop replaying our conversations in my head, why I was so hurt by watching him kiss another girl.

Is because-

I like him.

I like Finn Wolfhard.....

Fuck

***

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