Part 44 - The Last One **Fin**

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Lila 

He meets my gaze desperately. 

"What if we ran away together?" 

I shake my head. 

"What about your business at the Hospital?" 

"There are other Hospitals...I just want to be with you." 

"I'm with--" 

"Kadri? You'd really choose him to spend the rest of your life with? He fills that gap I left in your chest?" 

I don't answer him. I'm scared to.

 "Lila," I don't like hearing him say my name. "Only, you and me can fill that gap. I want to be with you. I don't want you to be with him. He won't love you like you'll love him." 

"Are you drunk?" 

"No! I'm just in love, Lila. I'm in love with you and no matter what I do it seems to be wrong and you don't love me and no one ever seems to love me or stay--" 

"Hey! I stayed! You're the one who left in the first place. I stayed there and you left me with him! You know what happened while you were gone? He took my virginity, asshole! I just gave it to him! I was weak and desperate and he was there and it was the worst thing I've ever done and I blame you even though I know that makes no sense but you..." I don't have control of my breathing. As I meet his passionate gaze everything floods through my head. 

One. Scene. At. A. Time. 

Everything, rushes to the surface. "It's just easier to blame you because, you weren't there." His bottom lip starts to tremble as he looks at me. He exhales and looks up at the sky. I could see the desperation, sadness, and loneliness in his eyes. 

"I am...so sorry. I never--I never wanted to hurt you like this. I was just a coward and I couldn't face the fact that anyone could really actually ever be in love with me. How could someone love me? I lived in Kadri's shadow and so I gained a habit of staring at him basking in the light while standing in the shadows. You cared about me, and I didn't know how to handle it. If you want,  yell at me for 354 days, but on the 355th day please run away with me. Let's leave this place behind. Let's start a new life somewhere else." 

"Jako...I can't just start a new life with you somewhere else. I don't trust you enough." 

"Don't you want to travel? And, I'll pay for all of it!." 

"I'll pay for some of it at least." His face lit up. 

"So, you're coming?" 

"I don't know." 

"I won't abandon you here with him this time." 

"What if I want to be abandoned?" 

"No one wants to be abandoned." 

"What if it doesn't work out?" 

"Then we'll part ways." He said the words, but the dreamy look in his eye told me he'd never let me go. 

"I'll come back tomorrow at 2o'clock. I'll be waiting in the car for an hour. Just--Lila..." he inhaled and then met my gaze. He looked as if he wanted to kiss every spot on my body. For he was afraid he'd never see me again. He turned then, and I stood in front of my building completely alone. 

I'd always wondered what life would have been like if Jako was the one I'd liked from the start. Not some doctor that was handsome to an ethereal point. 

I'd always wondered what it would have been like passing him in the halls. If I'd have gotten red every time we talked or had stared so hard at his lips he'd been freaked out. 

But...at some point you realize fantasies are fun and all but you live in the real world and you have to fight for your fantasies. Even for the one's that have come to pass. Even if they never come true at least you fought for them. 

Maybe, that's exactly what Kadri needs to be for me. A past fantasy. Something I fought for at a time in my life. 

Maybe, it was time to move on and fight in reality for a new fantasy. 

But, the thing about fantasies is... they are not perfect and they won't solve all your problems no matter how much you may want them to.  

But maybe...that's my fault for expecting them to. 

Nothing's perfect. 

Especially not people.

So, what have I learned? What have I really learned about the age gap between me and my doctor? 

I learned, that fantasies get in the way of reality. Now, this is a total contradiction to almost everything I just said but...

isn't the world just a jumble of contradictions? 




** Fin. ***




Wow, um. It's been a long ride. It's taken me about 2 years to finish this book, which is crazy! For longest time I lost steam and had no idea what to do anymore, but when I felt motivated and inspired or whatever I wrote and did my best for you guys. I know it's shitty how slowly I wrote this book but I really hope you enjoyed this story. I actually teared up writing this ending as it just felt nice and relieving to have them say what they needed to, to each other. It was a long time coming and the first step in a good, healthy relationship. Basically, I think I've been writing this story since I was a freshman...I'm a junior now...no comment. So, you all have literally seen me mature in my writing, which I hope you all liked as well. I've actually been getting into poetry and hope to be actually publishing a book soon but uh you know me so... Lmao but it will most likely be published under p.s so if you ever get bored one day and think of me... look up p.s poetry book and see if I've gotten off my lazy ass yet lmao. Anyways, so yeah writing this was ridiculously fun. There were so many people who shipped both of them ( lako and ladri )and I had weaved them together so tight that I had noooo fucking idea what to do. You know, recently I went to Japan and it kind of made me realize how much I'm not happy where I live. So, when I get older I hope to live abroad. I'm still waiting to hear if I get to go abroad next school year. I sincerely hope I get to go. Random tangent but whatever it's my book. But, back to the book. I'd love to hear opinions. If they're bashing me please keep it to yourself thank you. Oh, and if anyone has any questions I'll leave a space for it below. Thank you so much for sticking with the story for so long that it's gotten to this point. So many people read this/ have read this book! Thinking about it is actually kind of stunning! 109k reads?! Woahhhh! Thank you all for supporting me. I can't thank you enough and since I feel like nobody says this enough but everyone needs to hear it thank you for being alive. Honestly, I don't know you but I'm really happy you're alive and here on this earth. Welp. Guess this is it, huh? So crazy. But I'll be writing a book called Shoes about two bestfriends destroying each other. Like Gossip Girl except they're not rich. If you miss my writing I'll be over there. It's really fun to write honestly. Also, did anyone notice a shift in my writing in this book? It's cool if you didn't lmao just curious. 

Alright! Once again thank you so much for supporting me and this book! I'll still be here if anyone wants to message me about anything even if you're having a bad day. 

love you all and i wish you luck in not letting your fantasies block you from reality 

<3 


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