T E N | Scars

62.2K 2.3K 1.1K

{Gif of Neel}

Song: Roses

Artist (s): Shawn Mendes

Storms don't last forever.



"She's really quiet" I sighed, looking over at Julius who had made that comment. 

"She needs time" I replied scrolling through my phone. Olivia was taking a shower upstairs. I hadn't really talked to her after what happened in the kitchen. I don't even know what that was, but damn she looked beautiful. 

When did I become such a pussy?

"Yeah, we know that" Julian rolled his eyes.

"No, I don't think you do. Her guard is up and that is what naturally happens when you've loved with a heart so free and ended up in shackles behind the bars of betrayal. I don't think you understand that she's trying to protect her heart from further damage. You might not get that, but I do." Julian ad Julius stared at me - unblinking - until I got up and walked away. I understand what she's going through, because I've been through it too. 

I walked through the hallway leading to my room, until a soft voice stopped me. I rounded the corner and stood outside Olivia's door. She was combing her hair, staring into the mirror, singing softly to herself.

I have to be honest with you baby,                                                                                                                              tell me if I'm wrong and this is crazy,                                                                                                                        but I got you this rose and I need to know,                                                                                                            will you let it die or let it grow.

"You have a great voice" Olivia jumped when I spoke, dropping her hairbrush in the process. I walked into the room, picking it up for her. When I looked back at her, her cheeks were flushed and I couldn't help but smirk. Cute.


I don't know why I decided to sing today. After what happened in the kitchen, the memories of my mom and I came flooding back and I couldn't help but sing.

"No, I don't. I haven't sung in years" I replied to Neels compliment. He wasn't supposed to hear me. I moved to my bed, sitting on it Indian style. I had gotten more comfortable sleeping on the bed now. 

"And why's that?" Neel sat next to me. I played with the bed sheet for a while before replying. 

"I would sing with my mom. She had a beautiful voice. When she would go for her treatment, I would always sing to her, because she said it would give her the strength she needed. After everything that happened, I stopped." I sighed. I rarely opened up. I don't like to feel vulnerable or to be misunderstood.  But when I talked to Neel, something about him resonates with me - whether he was a told stranger or a friend - I felt a certain safety with him, a rare calm, and everything comes gushing out.

"You going somewhere?" Neel asked after a while. 

"I was going to go to church" It was Sunday. I normally wouldn't be allowed, but now that I had the chance, I couldn't miss it. God has always been there for me, when no one else one. Because as long as I believed that God was with me, it didn't matter who was against me.

"I'll drive" Neel got up. 

"You don't have to drive me everywhere. I can manage myself." Neel turned around smirking at me.

"I go to church too, you know. It'll make it easier if we went together." I didn't take Neel to be one who goes to church. Neel walked out of my room, yelling at Julian and Julius to get dressed for church. I had already changed into my clothes after I showered - a long sleeved shirt dress, with leggings. It was quite warm today, but I still had cover myself up. Cover my scars. I hadn't cut in a while, but just because the scars were fading, didn't mean that the pain was too. 

Neel walked back into the room, and stood at the threshold.

"You ready?" I nodded, wiping the sweat off my face. It really was warm.

"You're sweating" Neel pointed out walking towards me.

"You should change." He walked into my closet taking out a sleeve-less peach dress and handed it to me.

"I'm fine" I didn't meet his gaze. He knew. I know he did.  

"Change" When I didn't respond, he lifted my arm, rolling my sleeve up and looking at my arm. 


Because I hate myself.

"I can't even explain anymore" I choked sitting down. "I'm trapped. I'm a monster. Every cut I've given myself, I've deserved. Every morning I look at my cuts, proud of myself. I don't think I can ever stop, I ca-" I stopped talking when Neel rolled up the sleeve of his shirt, showing me his arm. Scars. Everywhere. 

"Then that makes the two of us" I looked at Neel through blurry eyes. Neel sat next to me, taking my hands in his own.

"I know you feel unwanted, unloved and ignored. Trust me, I felt the same way. I understand. But you're better than self-harming. You are strong and brave. I'll be by your side every step of the way. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here. Please don't hurt yourself." Neel wiped a stray tear that I didn't know left my eye. I numbly nodded, taking the dress he had given, and walking into the bathroom changing into it. The scars on my inner-arm were on full show, but for some reason I wasn't as scared as I was before. 

I walked outside - noticing Neel had gone - and threw on my sandals walking downstairs. Neel, along with Julius and Julian were waiting downstairs and headed out as soon as they saw me. We climbed into Neels car - the twins had offered to let me sit in the passenger seat, and I accepted - and drove to church. After the Sunday mass, whilst everyone began leaving, I walked down the aisle - towards the statue of Jesus - kneeling down onto the kneeling pew, bringing my hands together.

"Heavenly Father, I may not understand how everything will work out, but I trust you. I don't see a way, but I know you will make a way. I have faith at this very moment that you are touching hearts, opening doors, and lining up the right breaks and right opportunities. I know things seem dark and bleak now, but I have faith that my dawn is coming. So, please continue to stand by me and guide me. Never leave my side. Amen." I whispered to myself, hoping God was listening. I ignored the gazes of Neel, Julius and Julian behind me and continued to pray. A few minutes later I got up - not meeting the gaze of anyone - and walked out. I loved the feeling I got whenever I visited the church. The church is designed to nourish the imperfect, struggling and the exhausted.

Me? I'm all of the above.


I just read a very disturbing article. An 8 year old girl was raped in India for countless days before she was murdered. The rapists were Government officials. Officers. Since their arrest there have been countless protest favouring the rapists and wanting their release? Do you know why? Because the child was a Muslim and her rapists were Hindus. Why does religion matter? A child was raped for goodness sake. Where is your humanity. RAPE HAS NO RELIGION! Grow the fuck up!




The Bad Boy Saved Me ✔Read this story for FREE!