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Confessions

Instead of feeling ludicrous about this, I felt regret. Maybe I should try to reach out to him.

Before I could get a second thought, I reached my hand out to his arm that was extending to the steering wheel. Rubbing my hand across his arm, then resting my hand at his thigh seemed to get to him in some way.

"I wish I could explain." hesitation began. "I - I wanted to. I still do, I just don't think that would be best for me right now." He looked at me then. 

Good, at least he isn't giving me the cold shoulder anymore. 

"If you wanted to wait, that's fine. I just -" his eyes shifted to the bulge in his pants. 

Oh, I understand. It was difficult for him to talk or even look at me in his - condition.

I felt a strange yearning, the thought that I could do that to him seemed to excite me. I placed my hand on his thigh, rubbing my hands up and down on his leg.

I don't know what seemed to come over me, I just felt my heart putter a thousand beats inside of my throat, the heat warming my body. After that, he pulled over his truck near a beautiful set of trees on a deserted street. Normally, I would be afraid, but I wanted to please him. I felt the need to please him. 

He pulled his seat back and pulled my face to his where we embraced in a kiss for what seemed to be years. That is when he touched me and I touched him in more ways than one.

Afterwards, we sat in silence.

The next day was a day of rest.

Thank the Lord, I could not bare to wake up early, even though I was the first one asleep in the household. Hell, I went to sleep around midnight, and no one came back the house then. I woke up to the sound of, well let's just say, love-making. Moans and what sounded like spanking came from the other room.

I rolled my eyes, thinking that I would hear all about it later today or the following day at school. 

Looking outside my window, I noticed that Jake's Chevy was no longer in the driveway. I rushed downstairs and into the garage to find nothing but Justin's black mustang.

A feeling of heartache just swept over me, and I didn't even know what to think about it. 

I have to go home and babysit. Parents orders, see y'all tomorrow.

Renee'

The fabricated note was left on the fridge. I decided it was time for me to go home. Anyway, the sounds of sex was making me sick.

On my way home I stopped at What-A-Burger. Seeing the time was only 10:43, I decided to get a Honey Chicken Biscuit. One of my favorites. Food will always be a comfort to me, and I need to find a different solution. I end up paying for it in the most depressing ways known to man.

When I pulled into the driveway, not a soul was home. I was hoping that my little sisters were home. I desperately needed company. Sister company. Family company.

I remember when I was thirteen years old, the year that Lee and I became "one", I started being more open.

In the past I had closed my heart to anyone and everyone due to the rude things they would call me. I had always been the child who would sit alone at recess. Feeling deserted and worthless.

My grandmother had put me into so many work out programs, Curves, Weight Watchers, and more. It never worked until my eighth grade year.

The transformation shocked everyone, especially myself. I stood looking in the mirror at my reflection reflecting the before and afters. My chunky face now had definition to it, my love handles poked out in a more appealing manner than before. I felt great, even more so when Lee came into my life.