Kai.

Revelations 16/06/14

I've just realized.

Maybe there is a reason other people's opinions don't affect me, whilst they do others. Why I can flip someone off when they make a comment that should devastate my self esteem. How I can literally not give a single care in the world. Why I can say the truth whilst knowing some people think I'm a bitch, and still not be drowning in the abyss that is the social structure of our planet at this day and age.

Because I literally have the lowest esteem for myself. Because I hate myself in more ways they can possibly imagine with their unawakened brains. Because I already know I'm a bitch, and other people realizing is just them coming a bit too late to the party.

Okay, I think I need to be locked in a padded cell for a bit. This new thought makes me happy for some reason. Well, not exactly happy, just uplifted. But I'll roll with it.

 This is to do with roleplay.

I've just realized how many people I have seen called Nyx on here in the last day. At least three or four, not including myself as Kaisilvae. When did this happen? Why? How did they know of the name?

I also might be seeking out other sites to do roleplay on as well. Not just here. I think my next chapter may be today, about my own particular beliefs. I should be doing homework by writing a story right now, but I couldn't care less. It ain't happening. I have a few ideas with my roleplaying, but I'm not sure which I want to use as of yet.

 This is to do with myself and music.

I've just realized how some of the song I Will Not Bow by Breaking Benjamin reflects me pretty damn well. I love it. Seriously, I love this song so much; along with Diary of Jane. I love this band, and I'm glad it will be coming back, though I'm sad at the change of three different people.