so what are you gonna say at my funeral, now that you've killed me?here lies the body of the love of my life, whose heart i broke without a gun to my head. here lies the mother of my children both living and dead; rest in peace, my true love, whose life i took for granted, most bomb pussy, who because of me, sleep evaded. her shroud is loneliness, her god is listening. her heaven will be a love without betrayal.
ashes, to ashes. dust, to side chicks.
/
THE LESSON that rosalie received from this experience the most, was that smiles hurt. when they are up for too long, when they shine in your dreams and haunt your nightmares. when they are forced, and even when they aren't. smiles cause pain, even if your heart is the most joyous and content; even if those same smiles are from your very own. they hurt. more than you'd expect.
of course, she hasn't forgiven him. his name brought a scowl to her lips, and she didn't know if that'll ever change. he still got to see his daughter, who was oblivious to their situation; she'd never want their daughter to suffer from a broken household. her childhood had been a mere blueprint for her marriage so far, and she refused to let it affect haeran.
this was depressing. she had to go on, day by day, faking happiness for a child that didn't know her mother was really broken. a child who only deserved love, so that was exactly what she'd receive. even if her mother felt anything but lovely. she'd do her best to assure haeran that she had an abundance of happiness; but haeran - despite her young age - is no fool.
as small as her age is, she's still able to comprehend simple sadness. simple tragedy. what her mother had been stricken with was much more than simple, perhaps, but haeran comprehended enough to ensure that whatever her mother was, it wasn't happy. sure, mommy still smiled, mommy still laughed and tickled haeran so hard tears escaped her eyes, and sang her lullabies before bed. mommy still acted as she always did; but mommy's hands were colder. mommy's heart hurt. haeran just couldn't see through her chest well enough.
/
"you've got this," rosalie muttered to herself as she gripped her car's steering wheel and peered outside to see children running into the school's doors. haeran looked outside her car window - as much as her short body would allow her - and then looked at her mother. then at her hands.
they were so tight against the wheel's leather, almost as if rosalie could pull the whole thing off with one tug. her breathing was calm, almost too calm for a monday morning. her hair was up in a lazy bun, barely resting upon her head. the bags underneath her eyes were poorly covered with makeup.
but once it was time for haeran to exit and get into school, her mother turned to her with a warm smile, a kiss, and the usual tug on her most defined curl. if anything her behavior was just confusing. as if someone else had her mommy's smile, but that was all they could take from her.
"have a good day at school, okay haeranie? mommy loves you." haeran reluctantly unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned up on her knees from her seat to look her mother in the eye. she held her face, and narrowed her eyes, searching. for her mother behind this mask. school was about to start in the world that stood outside of the two of them, but then it was only haeran, and her mother's eyes.
her mother chuckled lowly, confused at the young girl's actions. "sweetie, what are you-" she reached for haeran's hand but it left her face before she could get ahold of it.
"nothing mommy. just thought i saw something on your face."
rosalie stared at her daughter, knowing that she wasn't telling the complete truth, but not prying further. her eyes cast down to haeran's own, casting a questioning gaze but smiling as well. "oh. thank you, baby."
when haeran nodded and let herself down, she heard her mother mutter quietly, along with a small break in between her words; almost as if painful, "daddy picks you up today. be a good girl, for him baby."
at that, haeran smiled and waved a final goodbye to her mother, and opened the car door and set out into her daycare. one of her teachers were already waiting to guide her into the school. rosalie watches her daughter's walking figure retreat into her school before finally driving off.
/
starving is an understatement for hoseok. he's famished. on the literal brink of death if he doesn't consume food in the next hour. he marched into the nearest market with such a brisk pace, the wind from his footsteps blew his hair to the side. his destination was the noodle aisle; because he was too hungry to make anything that took longer than 20 minutes. meaning: anything other than instant ramen. his footsteps move with an unexplainable urgency; but they halt when he sees rosalie.
she wasn't doing anything at all. just standing, staring at the the various brands of instant ramen without making an effort to choose a package. she was frowning deeply, with her hands still lying on her basket. her hair is falling from a lazy ponytail; curls enshrouded her face, making her face appear smaller. she hasn't noticed him, but he greets her anyway.
"hey, rosalie!" he can tell he's started her, and immediately regrets being so loud when he sees how hard she jumped. she smiles when she sees him, and it strikes so many questions in his brain; it was as if the reaction was rehearsed. as if it was her go-to facade in place of what her real feelings would've been.
but it wasn't any of his business.
a hand was placed onto her chest as she composed herself, "geez, hobi. startled me. but hi, how are you hun?" she turns around completely, giving him her full attention.
he frowns playfully, pushing his basket closer to hers, "you know i hate when you call me that. makes me sound like an infant. i'm a grown ass man, rosie." he mocked how she taught the phrase to him, his pronunciation on point.
she laughs at his remark, smiling widely, "i know, i just do it to mess with you." at this hoseok rolls his eyes, reaching behind her to grab a package of beef flavored ramen; his favorite.
"whatever. you've been in this aisle for a minute, why is your basket still empty?" he points in the basket's direction, raising a brow. she wasn't someone who shopped for long. when they first met, one of the first things he learned about her was that she had a phobia of stores. call it weird, but she shopped faster than anyone he knew.
he sees worry pass through her eyes, but it vanished as quickly as it came. "um-" before she answered, a phone call interrupted her speech. a routine ringtone rang in her pocket, and her hand reached down to answer it. "one second," she said.
"yeah, junie?" hoseok watched her face contort into worry, again, but this time it stayed. "i'm on my way," she said, before ending the call.
she looked back up at hoseok, apologizing. "sorry about that, something happened at the restaurant and i need to take care of it. i'll see you later, okay?"
he nods, "yeah, no problem." she's already leaving their shared aisle, but he says, "you're still coming to the gala the firm's holding, right? you and jimin?"
he almost wishes he didn't even ask. her face held nothing but pain when she looked back at him.
"yeah. bye, hobi."
—
a / n: she's back woo! i split this into 2 parts bc i thought it would've been way too long and ya girl aint gon do it so. pt 2 will b here soon 💞 hope y'all enjoyed this

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Fanfictionit's what the heart desires. for jimin. (featuring hoseok.) © happypjm ( 2018 )