Never Going Back Again

1. Eve

Pretending to be asleep was a skill Eve had mastered well over time. It wasn't as easy as it looked. Lying still, resisting the urge to flinch at every little creak of the house or groan of a floorboard. Keeping her breathing slow and rhythmic even though her heart felt like it was fighting to escape from her chest and not letting the tears flow and leak down her cheek. Crying in your sleep was always a dead giveaway.

Tonight was no different. Yet again Eve found herself lying completely still, listening patiently for the sound of the bedroom door creaking open and the familiar scuffle of Jake's boots over the threadbare carpet. Cursing as he stepped on the trousers he'd left lying on the floor when he came home from work. Eve silently admonished herself for not picking them up before getting in to bed, it only gave him another reason to shout. Not that he needed one.

Eve felt the bed sag behind her as Jake sat down on his side, pulling clumsily at the boots loosely attached to his feet.

'Fucking stupid...'

Breathing out slowly with so much control her ribs ached, Eve peeked out one eye. She could see the early sunlight peeping in through the corner of the thin curtains that hung limply over the window. Quickly she shut her eye again calculating that it must be very early in the morning. She was anticipating the thud of Jakes boots as he threw them to the floor. The clatter of his belt as his trousers hit the floor didn't startle her and even as he got into bed and snaked his cold arm around her waist she managed to stay still. Only stirring as the grip he had on her waist tightened.

'Morning...' Jake breathed as he nestled his face into Eve's long brown hair. Hair that was once thick and luscious but was now lank and in desperate need of cutting.

'Good morning' Eve replied quietly, not moving from the fetal position she was in. 'How was work?' She faked a yawn to keep up the charade that she'd been asleep.

'Fucking shit...' Jake cursed as he tightened his grip on her. To the untrained ear Jake may have sounded sober. But Eve knew better. He was good at hiding it, alcoholics usually were but Eve could hear the subtle slur of his words. The tension in her body was beginning to make her back ache. She silently prayed that this morning he wouldn't be interested. Maybe, after staying up for hours drinking, he just wanted to go to sleep.

But as his grip slowly began to travel south she knew tonight was not the night. She could feel the acid rise up her throat as he pawed at the waistband of her pyjama trousers, but she knew resisting only guaranteed some form of pain. His touch used to make her feel like a goddess. Now it made her feel sick.

Could she endure this for another night? Every day she willed herself to be brave enough to say no, to fight back, to walk away. However each night she lay there and took it.

Eve missed who she used to be. Before meeting Jake she was a confident, outgoing, some may even say beautiful 23 year old with the world at her feet. Being with Jake had turned her into a shy, timid recluse. Her beauty was still there, but hidden behind the bags under her eyes and as every black eye faded it chipped away at her soul.

As Jake's hand slipped between her legs roughly pulling them apart, Eve's hand moved from under her face to under her pillow and connected with the handle of the kitchen knife she went to bed with most nights. The knife was probably too blunt to do any real damage, but many nights she'd spent imagining having enough courage to even brandish it and warn him to stop his pursuit.

She flinched as his dry fingers entered her. 'Are you not enjoying this?' Jakes gruff voice sounded in her ear.

'I am' Eve lied as she felt a tear roll down her cheek. Her grip on the knife tightened. With little care Jake removed his fingers and pulled her round so she was now lying on her back, one arm still under her pillow. Eve instinctively wrapped her free arm around her stomach for protection but it was quickly yanked away and pinned above her head as a naked Jake straddled her, clumsily he grabbed her other arm and held it in place. Luckily for Eve, Jake was too drunk to realise her hand was holding on to anything.

Eve turned away as he lowered his mouth to hers. It only fuelled his rage when she didn't cooperate. Jake let go of her arm and grabbed her chin, twisting her face to look at him.

'It hurts my feelings when you do that' Jake sneered. He was so close that Eve wanted to gag at the smell of his warm whiskey laden breath but instead she stared coldly past him. The edges of a tribal tattoo creeping over his shoulder.

When Eve had first met Jake she thought he was the sexiest man she's ever seen. He had that cocky arrogance that made him irresistible. She felt like the sun shown on only her when Jake looked her way and took an interest in little old Eve. Little did she know how her life would turn out.

Releasing her face he used his hand to spread her legs, using his knee's like a barrier to keep them open. There was no lubrication but Jake didn't care. She whimpered as he forced himself inside. The excruciating pain almost too much to handle. She wriggled in an attempt to get away but she knew it was pointless. Jake had easily 40kg on her and there was no stopping him when he set his mind to it.
Usually Eve would switch off. Stare at the ceiling until the ordeal was over. But not tonight. There was something about tonight, something within herself that she couldn't switch off. Couldn't ignore the screaming inside her head. Couldn't ignore the pain he was causing her body and couldn't ignore the shame she knew was coming. As his grip tightened in her hair her grip tightened on the knife. His grip was so tight it felt like he might be pulling her hair out but the pain no longer seemed to compute. Eve's mind had finally switched off. Eve took a deep breath and as he thrust into her she pulled the knife out and as hard as she could thrust it into his side.

The grunting stopped and Eve could feel his warm blood trickling out onto her hand. Jakes body slumped to the side as Eve's vision blurred and she thought she might be sick. The adrenaline kicked in and she knew she had to act fast. Immediately she scrambled to push Jakes body from on top of her. His eyes were closed but his breathing was laboured so she hadn't killed him. Yet. Eve knew she had to act fast or that moment of courage was all for nothing. She leapt from the bed pulling her pyjama trousers back up. Yanking an old duffle bag from the back of her small wardrobe she began throwing as many of her clothes in as possible. She grabbed handfuls of underwear from her drawer. With one last glance at Jake she ran from the room. Tumbling down the stairs she pulled on her boots over her bare feet and almost pulled the door off its hinges as she bolted into the dawn. She didn't stop to check that no one was watching her. She didn't stop to check that Jake hadn't recovered quickly and was after her. She yanked the bag strap further up her shoulder and ran into the early morning light.