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MICHELLE

"So, okay... kamustahin naman natin ang friend nating all star ng UAAP," Katrina teased. Tumawa naman si Trina at Hailey. We are currently here in Starbucks because they decided to catch up after how many months of not seeing each other; we got busy because of our schedules and they're studying in Ateneo pa. Ako lang talaga ang napa-hiwalay sa aming apat.

"Nothing's new, kainis kayo ako na naman ang pagti-tripan niyo." I pouted. Sa aming apat na magkakaibigan ako ang pinaka-bunso kaya ako ang madalas ginagawan nila ng kalokohan. I get used to it dahil noong high school araw-araw nila akong binu-bully.

"Sus, nagbago ka na beshie!" Trina muttered while taking bite of her choco roll. "Nye, Trina." I bluffed. Napatingin ako sa may entrance and there I saw Ricci with someone; not that I am surprised with pero it's new to see him with other girls. The girl look at my direction and she smiled, Ricci wave his hands to me and I did the same.

"Uy, diba 'yan 'yung inaasar sa'yo sa Twitter?" Katrina asked and I nodded, "Yeah, its him." I smiled awkwardly at tumingin muli sa gawi nila. The girl's grinning wide at me and Ricci looked so...embarrassed? I don't know. 

Then my phone suddenly vibrated...

From: Riccinamon

Hi, it's me Eunice! Ricci's friend. You're so pretty in person and ang ganda-ganda mo :( Ayaw ako ipakilala ni Ricci sa'yo that's why I snatched his phone hehe. Peace!


I smiled and excused myself to my friends. Pumunta ako sa table nila Ricci and I saw Eunice wave her hands to me.

"Hi Cci," I smiled at umupo sa harap nila. "Sorry if she disturbed you, fan na fan eh. Kainis," Ricci rolls his eyes at Eunice who's currently pouting. "Epal ka talaga kahit kelan. Hi Michelle, I am Eunice. Nice to meet you!" Eunice and I both shook our hands. I stayed there for quiet long and bumalik na ako sa table naming because we're leaving.***

***

"Aduke, pagod na ako!" I whined and stop a little bit. Umupo ako sa cemented block sa gilid ng field at sumunod naman si Aduke. "Girl, ano 'yan?" she pointed at the pale bruise on my knee. My eyes widen when I saw how dark and big it is. 

"H-ha? Nalaglag kasi ako kahapon sa kama. Ang sakit nga eh," I gave Aduke a reassuring smile and she nodded her head, "Hay nako ching, grabe ang clumsy mo talaga!"She said and stood up. "Ano? One last round?" she held my arms and I shook my head.

"W-wait..." my breathing hitched a little bit and I felt uneasy. 

"Okay ka lang?" Aduke carressed my back at tumango naman ako, "Y-yes I'm fine. Let's go back to the dorm?" 


Pagbalik namin sa dorm, I quickly drank my meds at nagpa-hinga. Maybe, I overwork myself too much at buma-balik na naman ang sakit ng katawan ko at tagiliran. I rested my head on the headboard for awhile at umidlip saglit. The pain's bearable but its too uncomfortable. Hindi ko alam.

"Huy, brunch's ready. Julia cooked your favorite sunny side up eggs," Ate Kianna said. I weakly stood up and wash up a little bit. It took me several minutes to pick my clothes because I know that they'll be furious kapag makikita nila ang sugat ko. Medyo nawala na din naman ang sakit when I took a bath that's why I acted okay na din naman.

Bumaba ako sa kitchen and I saw them videocalling with Bettina.

"Hi Betts!" I wave my hands and smiled happily infront of the camera. "Hi Ching! I miss you," Bettina replied and she's currently out dahil ngayon daw siya magsu-submit ng requirements sa papasukan niyang school sa New York.

"How are you guys? Grabe, three months lang ako nawala nagsi-payatan na kayo!" she said. "Lalo ka na, Ching. You're so thin na," she mentioned at napaharap naman sa akin ang mga ate ko. "Oo nga noh..." Ate Des pointed out. 

"Pinapa-kain naman namin 'to 3 times a day... Sobra pa nga eh!" Ate Majoy said while pinching my arms playfully. "Payat nga." she added.

"Ano ba guys, siyempre diba minsan nagkakasakit ako then sabayan pa ng stress." I explained.

"Pero kahit ganun, I am still the cutest small bean." I beamed while placing both of my hands under my chin.

I excused myself for awhile at kumain na. They were all busy talking to Bettina about stuffs, I am glad that she didn't ask about my relationship with Josh dahil hanggang ngayon? Wala pa ding progress. I am still coward to confront him all of the things that I wanted to say and end. Natatakot ako; I don't wanna hurt him pero kahit ano atang gawin ko talagag masasaktan ko pa din siya.

This is way too much. He don't deserve this kind of shits or whatsoever.

I look at my teammates who are currently laughing their asses out, it seems that they're very happy in their own world. 

Minsan, napapatanong nalang din ako... Kailan kaya ako magiging masaya at totoo? When will I ever be happy for myself? When will I learn to let go?

I guess, I'll never know until I take the risk.

"Uy, may bisita!!!" Ate Gyra shouted while opening the screen door.

I saw a tall guy wearing black hoodie entered the dorm holding white bouquet of flowers; smiling like there's no forever.

"Hi," he greeted me. Instead of feeling all the butterflies inside my stomach, nakaramdam ako ng sakit. The pain in my chest took over me; everything felt so wrong at hindi ko na maintindihan kung tama pa ba itong ginagawa ko. Ginagawa namin. It seems like I dont deserve all this shits and stuffs. Naguguluhan na ako at kinakain na ng konsensya. All of this are lies, Josh really dont deserve this kind of shits that he has been experiencing fpr the past few weeks from me. This feeling is something uncontrollable. The pain and guilt is already eating up my conscience.

This is wrong.

"Surprise to see me?" He smiled  at inabot niya sa akin ang napakalaking bulaklak. 

I am very surprised.

I was speechless. Parang nawalan ata ako ng bibig dahil sa mga nangyayari. Ngayon lang actually nag sink-in lahat ng pinanggagawa ko few months ago...

Tangina, napaka-selfish ko.

Sana hindi ko nalang pinatagal lahat ng ito dahil aprehas lang kami nahihirapan. How I whish I could turn back the time when everything was still controllable at hindi pa mahirap para sa aming dalawa. I wish we could spend more time together. 


How I wish I wasn't diagnosed with leukemia para hindi kami nahihirapan na pareho.


-

[y'all im sad rn]






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