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"You stole all those years away from her."

🥀


I stood outside of my house, my eyes focusing on the darkness that surrounded the windows from inside.

I was afraid.

I was afraid of what or who I might find in our bed.

The amount of pathetic I feel as I stared at the house we both shared was enough to deafen the whole world around me.

Someone shouldn't be in such a relationship where they should fear if they were going to find their significant other with someone else in the bed that they shared.

I wished I could quit him, but I had nothing left. I was stranded. He was the only person, other than Jacklyn, that I had, and Jacky couldn't have someone living with her or the rent would go up too high.

I sighed and kicked a small pebble across the ground, the rock echoing as it skipped across the cement.

The only light that illuminated around me was the full moon itself. It felt like a spotlight, as if mocking me for being stupid.

I wanted a cigarette, but I was trying to quit, and I really didn't want to wake up smelling like smoke again.

I looked around the neighborhood and took in all the dark, silent houses around me. Everyone else off in their happy, sleeping world while I was trying to figure out what my options, so I could be a part of that life.

Then, the feeling came again--the haunting feeling as if I was being watched and studied.

My eyes darted from street corner to street corner, window to window, but I still couldn't find anything. Maybe I was starting to lose my mind?

No, I was just paranoid because of Jordan.

I've had this feeling for quite some time, it had to have been my insecurities and uneasiness from the unstable relationship.

I sighed one more time before trudging up the porch steps and quietly entering my own house that seemed to feel like a prison cell.

Just like the outside, it was quiet and dark. The only thing that was calming about it.

I tip toed my way up the stairs all the way to the bedroom and was relieved to find only him sleeping soundly in the bed.

I stripped off all my clothes and carefully tucked myself under the warm covers, and, as if automatically, his arm wrapped around me protectively as he slept.

To be honest, I wasn't expecting such a thing to happen since it hasn't happened in a year or two.

Just then, false hope entered my heart. Maybe he was trying to get better for us, finally. Maybe me being gone in so many hours of the day, sometimes days because I don't want to see him, had finally hit him where it mattered. Maybe this was a sign that we can be how we once were.

All because he hugged me as he slept.

I wish I wasn't so terribly wrong.

___

The next morning, I woke up to find that he had gone to work.

He didn't do anything too special. He was just a computer engineer who helped fix customers computers.

A repairman.

The irony, I laughed to myself.

He was a repairman but couldn't seem to find time to repair his own relationship.

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