lovely little lonley:malum

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hi sorry i don't update often just been stressed and shit

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hi sorry i don't update often just been stressed and shit... what? you don't care? oh okay. i promised i would do a lashton fic for someone (shoutout to u) but haven't found one that i like yet, so in the mean time i had this one saved. so buckle your seat belt it's a long one

titles from the maine (SEEING THEM AT WARPED IN JULY YETTT)

original title:
Ripped At Every Edge But You're a Masterpiece (You Decided Purple Just Wasn't For You)
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migs (archive of our own)
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Calum knows about the pills. He knows about the small white bottle filled with small white pills. Small white pills that are sometimes the only reason Michael leaves his bed. Calum wants to pretend he doesn't know about them.

It's hard. It is especially hard when everyone is dead tired at arse o clock in the morning and then there's Michael. Burning bright and strong, full of newfound energy from the bottle.

Calum knows Luke knows about the pills. Everyone close to Michael knows about them. No one ever talks about them. Or so Calum thought. Calum thought a lot of things that turned out to be wrong.

Someone once told him, drunk of expensive whiskey and high on illegal marijuana, that there are two kinds of people. The ones that love and the ones that are being loved. When Calum was looking at Michael and Luke, that's exactly what he saw. Michael lived to love and Luke lived to be loved.

What they did not tell him at the time was that people change. That people get tired of being loved and want to love back.

Calum finds that out when he is trying to sneak a smoke hidden behind a big black truck in a parking lot of yet another venue. He was just searching for a lighter in his pocket when he hears two pairs of feet approaching his hiding place. He now has a cigarette in one hand and a newfound lighter in another. His first instinct is to hide. Not in mood for another lecture about how he is slowly killing himself.

The steps stop just on the other side of the truck and Calum dares to quietly breathe again. He is not sure who he was expecting but he was definitely not expecting to hear an angry fist colliding with the truck and a frustrated 'Fuck' That followed.

'Luke stop it, you are hurting yourself!' Ashton.

Calum holds his breath again. It is safe to say he was not expecting his two bandmates at the back of the car park, one of them hitting trucks. He is intrigued. He knows this is probably private and he should quietly sneak away. But he can't. So he holds his breath and listens.

'I can't do this anymore Ashton. I can't. It's tearing me apart! Do you know how hard it is to wake up every morning, knowing how much the person lying next to you depends on you, loves you so hard, that one wrong move from your side wold hurt them irreversibly? Hurt them so much that they would not want to wake up the next morning? Do you, Ashton? Because I do. I wake up every morning, knowing that Michael needs me to let him love me as much as he needs to breathe. I know I sound ungrateful, having someone who loves me so deeply, who gives me the world, fucks me just the way I want to be fucked, and crying about it. But I don't want to just be loved anymore, Ashton. I want to love back. And I can't do that with Michael.'

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