King's Den

Chapter Nine: Visitors

King Elias was gone for weeks. But I wasn't alone... not really. 

On the first day, a rabbit came. I was scrunched up into a rounded edge of the den crying my eyes out. It felt good to let it all out, yet terrible to feel it all. 

The small rabbit hopped up to me and, when I pulled my legs away from my chest, climbed onto my lap. It was a tiny rabbit, so it kicked out its feet and reclined comfortably on top of my legs. I was shocked at first.

"What are you doing here, little bunny?" I smiled slightly, but my voice was still hoarse.

It perked its ears back towards me, but did nothing more. I cautiously reached my hand down to him, hoping he wouldn't bite me. Instead, he stretched out even more, exposing most of his belly to me.

He had a soft black coat and unusually golden eyes. As soon as I started to pet him, he closed his eyelids and relaxed his body. I just wanted to hug the little bunny. It felt like he was the only pure thing in the world.

Anna would've loved him. I thought to myself, and fat tears welled up in my eyes again. 

I imagined Anna laughing and playing with the bunny. She would pick him up and say "I'm going to name you...". And then she'd twist her lips this way and that in a show of her quirkiness, and she'd finally announce a ridiculously child-like name. 

"Ashey," she would say, adding the -ey on just to prove a point of how cute she found the fluffy little creature.

The bunny on my lap tensed, and sat back up, staring at me like he knew exactly what I was thinking. 

The sight of the charcoal-or...maybe even ash-colored rabbit did me in. She deserves to be here. Not me. 

It felt like the world was weighing down on my chest. Like I couldn't breathe because the muffled silence that resided where Anna should have been was choking me. I could never forgive myself.

Hot trickles of salty liquid blurred my vision and fell down my blotched cheeks. I saw her freckled face in my head. A sob bubbled up in my chest, and my mouth gaped open, but I couldn't get any air out. It hurt so bad that I couldn't make a sound. I wouldn't let myself breathe. 

I started to lay down and go into the fetal position, but then I thought to myself, "She's the one dead and I'm here trying to lay down to make my pain more comfortable."

No matter what I did I was selfish. I just wanted to die. Finally, I gulped in air in panicked intakes. To a stranger, it would sound like I was having an anxiety attack.

I let myself fall to the cave floor and laid still there. I was half-way in a fetal position. Small, soundless sobs wracked my body.

Anna should be here. How could you, Elaya? You're a monster. I'm a monster. 

The short intakes of breath made me lightheaded. I was starting to go unconscious. The tiny rabbit hopped back over to me and laid right against my chest, filling my heart with a soft warmth I knew I didn't deserve.

Anna would call you Ashey. I wanted to tell the rabbit, but the words wouldn't come. 

Finally, a wretched wail poured out of my compressed chest. It raised all of the hairs on the bunny's body, and caused the whole chorus of dusk-dwellers to come to a complete halt.

I cried until I exhausted myself into sleep.

On the second day, a buck stuck his fuzzed antlers through the waterfall. The sound of droplets splatting down to the rocky bottom below woke my exhausted body. My eyes felt glued together, and it took a few seconds for me to pry them open.