Walking into my house I started pulling at my tie and placed my keys on the table by the door. I headed into the kitchen and sat at the counter, picking up my wedding band.
Today was the first time I've seen Carlee in months and what I saw most definitely broke my heart.
She looked stressed and it's all because of me.
I didn't want us to hate each other, I didn't want things to end this way but I thought maybe if I played the bad guy it would be easier for her to leave.
She deserves better than me. I hurt her after I promised that I wouldn't. I cheated, I wasn't unhappy, my marriage was good but I made it seemed like I didn't want to be there.
My vulnerability got the best of me, causing me to fuck up everything. Why should I be married to a good woman like Carlee when I can't even control myself, even after 17 years.
I don't deserve her and it kills me that we're even at this point.
Maybe in the future we'll be able to be cordial. We still have a little girl to raise. I know you're thinking that I just tried to get her taking away from Carlee but that's only because I heard she was drinking again.
She went all this time with that under control. I fucked up and it pushed her right back to the bottle.
I'm such a fuck up.
I was so busy staring at my ring I didn't even realize Carter was in the kitchen grabbing his keys. "Where you going?" I asked looking down at the overnight bag in his hand.
"Uh, I thought I'd go chill with momma for few days just to make sure she's good."
My eyebrows raised. "Just the other you wanted nothing to do with her."
"That was before I saw all the pain in her eyes. She's hurt pops."
"What about me?"
"What about you?"
"I'm hurting too, you don't wanna make sure I'm good?"
He looked confused. "Last I recall this is what you wanted and we're all here because of you."
"I just did what I thought was best."
"For who?! Did you see ma today? I have never seen her look like this. I can't believe I sat here and thought she was bad mom. I feel like the worst son ever."
I just looked down at my ring.
"You gone regret this, I know you are. Especially when she move on and you ain't got nobody. I'm the only person that speaks to you in our family. Why you couldn't just apologize? Fixed the shit." He continued.
"Aye watch yo fucking mouth!"
He waved his hand at me. "Whatever, I'm gone man." Walking out the door he slammed it shut.
Groaning I ran my hands over my head. I got ready to head upstairs when there was a knock on the front door. I went over to it and opened it.