Rant

faded away

My eyes don't have any color... they're gray I am not the person I was.... I used to be a little girl with braids in her hair who would love her family and friends with all the love I had knowing one day i'd be older like my sisters and my mom. Back in the days I could love my family It's not that I can't feel love..I love too much.

I am a girl in the eighth grade I start high school next year, just like everyone else in my grade but how can a fourteen year old girl already want herself dead? I open my eyes to look at my classmates around me but they are not them. They have stab wounds and blood draining from their eyes. It's not everyone...anyone I am somewhat close to  they're fine. But I look at my arms I see scars but those, those are real...

When I was thirteen my mom passed away she  had blood clots blocking blood flow, she didn't get to say goodbye, the last day I was actually able to talk to her and have her understand me I didn't tell her I loved her...me and my mom we fought a lot but she was the only one I could ever actually talk to...when I hear or see people talking bad about their own mother it offends me a bit but they don't understand how much regret they will have later. I had a dream recently my mom was still in the hospital, she still had a fighting chance. I woke up and had a harsh reality check I realized shes dead.

 It's not a maybe kind of thing, I know my friends are annoyed of me but I can't force them to like me If they wanted they could just tell me they hate me and I'll be on my way. I wouldn't blame them If they did..If I were them I'd hate me too, I know the only reason they still hang around me is because they feel bad for me it is the only reason

There is a certain friend I have who always tries to help everyone which hurts me because I want to help her but I don't  know how to...