Chapter 16

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Chapter 16

(Alan’s POV)

    You know there are those times when your mind went blank from extreme shock? Well, I’m experiencing it right now.

    My mouth opened in shock, my mind blank. I just stood right in the same spot, staring at him like the shocked fool I am.

    Chase snapped his fingers at my face. “Uhh, Alan? Are you there buddy? You stopped breathing and it’s freaking me out.”

    I blinked, pushing me out of my shock. I sucked in one really needed breath, realizing I wasn’t breathing until Chase brought me back to reality. My lungs thanked me for the much needed air, rejuvenating my brain to it’s functioning speed.

    Chase is asking ME out on a date? Me? Did I just hallucinate this? Maybe I hit my head some time without knowing and this is all a dream. Yeah, a dream. Chase, handsome, rich, and popular would never ask me out on a date no matter how realistic this is.

    One of scars throbbed in pain. I twitched from the sudden twinge. Okay, this isn’t a dream. In dreams, I don’t feel my scars throbbing in the memories of pain. So this really is happening. Don’t freak out Alan, don’t freak, don’t…. screw it.

    I ran for my life, leaving Chase in the dust, calling out my name. Did I stop to answer him, no. I know this isn’t the best thing to do when someone is asking me out. ME. Oh god, this is confusing. I need to talk to someone, but who?

    Aunt Claire. I can talk to her. She’ll know what to do. Besides, I can’t to anyone else when I have no one else. Melissa and James did protect me, but I can’t trust them. I can’t. Animals can’t give me good advice. Talking to my stuffed pokemon plushies won’t help either. All that leaves is Aunt Claire.

    I ran to the vet, bursting through the door, startling Angie. I didn’t acknowledge her, just went into the hallway and searched through rooms until I finally found Aunt Claire holding onto a young, brown and white Jack Russell Terrier with the stethoscope by his chest, her listening to his heartbeat.

    Aunt Claire jumped when I ran into the room, flopping around until she found her balance again. She glared at me as the terrier barked a happy greeting to me. “Alan, what the heck?” She glared at me until she finally saw me, the nervous wreck. “What’s wrong Ally bear?”

    I opened my mouth, about to say something, but nothing came out. The terrier leaped at me, scaring the crap out me. I dove for it before it hurt himself, sliding on the floor. I cradled it by my stomach as we crashed onto the wall. The terrier, thanking me, licked my face.

    “Oh my goodness, are you both alright?” Aunt Claire offered out a hand. I took it, letting her lift me up.

    “Yeah, we’re both good. Right my little buddy?” The terrier barked in agreement.

    Smores decides to make his appearance by crawling out of my bag to sit on my head, squeaking out a ‘hello’. The terrier locked eyes with him and barked loudly. Smores hissed at him.

    Aunt Claire swept the terrier out of my hands, away from Smores, whose now in battle mode. “Okay, let’s call up your owner and place you in the play room for now. Alan, come with me.”

    I obeyed, following right behind her, taking Smores in my hands as to calm him. He slowly relaxed in my hands and when he was really relaxed, he rubbed himself in my palm, taking hold of my thumb and nuzzled it. Awww. I didn’t bring him into the play room for fear of one of the animals eating him. No way will I let Smores become food for some psycho pet so I waited outside.

    Aunt Claire came out a few minutes later, placing a hand over my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s find someplace private.” Good idea.

    She led me to an empty check up room with a sink, trash can, cabinets, and cot. She took a seat on the cot, patting it to tell me to sit right next to her. I did, lifting myself on the cot, since I’m so short,

    “So tell me what’s wrong.” She took off my glasses, brushing the hair out of my face.

    I told her what happened during P.E, not even touching what happened in the morning or anything about Carter and what Chase did. I told her what Melissa, James and Chase said about I’m ‘cute’ and how Chase asked me out, my voice cracking when I told her the last part. When I finished, my face was hot, my hands sweaty.

    Aunt Claire squealed happily, glomping me with a hug. Smores saved himself by jumping away at the nick of time. “My baby, oh my little Ally bear was asked out! Yee!” She gave me an extra squeeze.

    “A-aunt Claire… can’t b-breathe..” I gasped.

    She loosened her hug, but didn’t let go. “I’m so sorry, but I’m so happy for you. I don’t care if a girl or guy asked you out as long as you are happy and when you’re happy, I’m happy. You deserve happiness Ally bear, all of the happiness in the world.” She sniffed. She’s crying.

    “Why are you crying Aunt Claire?” I rested my head on her shoulder.

    She wiped a tear. “I’m just so happy. You’ve been through so much and I just want you to be happy for once, be loved by others, and show someone other than me how much of a loving, kind, and funny person you are.” She kissed my forehead. “Be happy for once, let someone in that big heart of yours.” She laid her palm flat on my chest where my heart resides. “I want you to be the boy I remember laughing merrily with before all of that happened.”

    I let the tears fall down my cheeks. “Maybe you’re right, but it’s just so hard. Every time I let someone in, they always betray me in the end. I’m so scared that if I let another person in, I won’t be able to fix myself anymore.” I trembled, realizing how much truth there was. If I let someone in and they betray me in the end, I don’t think I can take it anymore. My brittle heart would cease to exist.

    Aunt Claire pulled me to her chest, swallowing me in her warmth. “It’ll be okay. Just try.” She lifted my chin so we can see eye to eye. “And if that boy hurts you, I will do whatever it takes to hurt him, you got that. You are my Ally bear, my baby, even though you didn’t come out of my womb.” She pecked my nose. “My cute, sweet, lovable Ally beat.”

    I blushed. I never heard her call me cute before. It’s a huge shocker for me. I can’t look at her in the face from the embarrassment. Even though she said it, I don’t believe her. Why now after all this time? Don’t think about it Alan or else you’ll think of something that’ll being you down again.

    “Soo…” Aunt Claire grinned, waggling her eyebrows. “What do you think about him? The boy who asked you out.”

    “I, I don’t know.” I said truthfully. “When I first saw him, I was captivated, my heart beats faster when I’m near him. I…. when we touch, I get these weird electric shocks and it’s so confusing because I never get those from other people. And the funny thing is, I don’t think I hate it, when he touches me.” I mumbled the last part. My face felt like it was on fire.

    “That means you like him or something along the lines.” She took off her pumps, wiggling her toes. “And he likes you too since he asked you out. In my opinion, you should say yes, but it’s really your choice.” She grabbed my bag and rummaged until she took out my container of brownies. She tore off the lid and popped on in her mouth. “Mmmm… this is delicious. Take a chance and if it doesn’t work out, then it doesn’t and that means he’s either a freaking retard or he’s not trying hard enough.”

    Should I say yes? I only knew him for a few days and everything’s going so fast. I don’t really know anything about Chase, but he doesn’t make me feel icky when he touches me and he’s always in my head. His face would just pop up when I least expect it. He seems like a great guy and he beat up Carter because, from what I believe, he found out about him bullying me.

    Aunt Claire slid off the cot. “I have to get back to work. Think hard before deciding what you want to do and whatever decision you make, I’ll support you all the way.”

    I nodded, sliding off the cot with Smores climbing on my back to take his spot on my head. I waved goodbye to her and left, but I’m not heading home. No, I’m going to my sanctuary, the lake to think it through some more.

    I went straight for the forest, crossing through roads and streets until I was devoured by the forest. I stretched a bit before I began to run, breathing in the earthy wonderfulness until I made it to the lake. This time I took a bit of a detour.

    I ran by the edge of the forest, following the path to my destination. I finally got there and soaked in the magnificent view. I sat at the edge of the cliff, my feet dangling as I watched the water ripple with life.

    Smores ditched me and ran into the forest, but I wasn’t afraid because I knew he would come back to me. I took out my ipod and played some random song, letting my thoughts wander and sort things out with my heart.

    Should I date Chase? Should I let this one stranger, whom I barely know, try to get into my shielded brittle heart? I never thought about dating, never. I was always too afraid of letting someone hurt me again, betray me and leave me with my bleeding, wounded heart.

    Chase is different. He stood up for me when no one ever did, stuck by me when everyone else thought I was freak, still talked to me when I avoided him like the plague, thought I wasn’t ugly when I clearly am, and cared for me. He could always betray me in the end, but he can also be the one who can fix me, let me get a taste of what happiness is. I’m still scared, terrified out of my mind, but as Aunt Claire said, I should take a chance. Clearly Aunt Claire likes him and she hasn’t even met the guy.

    I laid back and relaxed, watched the clouds float by. Why am I thinking so hard? It’s only a date. It’s not like he’s asking me to be his boyfriend or anything. It’s just a date, only a date. He doesn’t have to like me to ask me out.

    But what if he does like me? Should I take the plunge? I mean, yeah, I figured out that I like him too and that’s a shocker. I hate people, especially guys, yet the person I am attracted to is a guy, a jock. Oh jeez.

    I let myself think a bit more before I came to a decision. I got up right when Smores ran to me. I caught him and placed him on my shoulder. Then we headed home.


Next Day (Friday if anyone of you wanted to know)

    Is it just me or was there less oxygen than before because I know that’s impossible, but why is it so hard to breathe? I try to take deep breaths, but all I got were short ones that left me light headed. My heart sped faster, my palms sweaty, and my throat turned dry. Calm down Alan. You can do this. Have confidence in yourself. Yeah, that’s never going to happen.

    If you were all wondering, Smores is taking an off day, having fun running around in the forest. He’ll come back when he wants to, if he wants to, and I’m okay with it. Now back to me.

    With shaky legs, I stiffly went to Chase’s locker. I saw him with a bunch of other people by his locker, chattering about something, but I couldn’t hear it since I was too far away. He wore a black t-shirt, blue jeans and army boots, a golden wrist watch on his right arm. Someone noticed me, the others soon followed. They stopped their conversation, each of them exchanging weird glances with Chase and each other. A dark, queasy feeling in my gut told me something’s wrong, but it could be the nervousness of what I’m about to do.

    I forced myself to take a step, then another, and another, slowly and stiffly moving closer to Chase. His friends left, leaving him alone, which is good, great. Hahahahahaha… oh god, I’ve gone crazy.

    Chase raised an eyebrow at me as I stopped a foot away from him, my head ducked down with my hood up. “Why did you run away from me yesterday without giving me an answer?”

    I glanced up, blushed, then looked back down. I’m so nervous, the words I wanted to say choked halfway on my throat. Come on, you can do it.

    Chase sighed. He slammed his locker shut. I jumped from the sound. “What’s it going to be?”

    You can do this Alan. Just take a deep breath. I did. Okay, now slowly exhale. Good. Now say it like you practiced for two hours in front of a mirror. With as much confidence as I could muster, which wasn’t much, I locked eyes with him and nodded. Not what I practiced two hours for. I’m so full of chicken poopie.

    Chase’s lips pulled up slowly, forming into a huge smile. “Yes? You’ll go out with me?”

    I nodded, my cheeks in flames. I shuffled on my feet, staring at the floor shyly. I’ve never felt this embarrassed in my life, and I’ve been through a lot of humiliating things that’ll make anyone cringe.

    My books were taken from my hands only to be held by Chase. “I thought you would reject me. This is great. Let’s go to class. I’ll give you the details there.” He winked at me, gesturing for me to walk with him.

    We sat in our seats, people gawking at us, well Chase since he’s holding my books, the freak’s books and not the other way around. I ducked my head some more, hiding my face with my hair, hating the eyes burning me from the intensity of their stares.

    Chase saw my discomfort, putting my books by my side of the desk and his on his side. “Don’t mind them. They’re a bunch of nosy bastards who will get it if they don’t stop staring.” He yelled out the last part intentionally so everyone within hearing distance could hear the warning. People looked away, some talking in whispers to others too soft for me to hear.

    I tugged gently on his shirt. “Thank you” I whispered loud enough for him to hear and no one else.

    “You’re welcome. Now about the date… I’ll pick you up on Saturday at around ten in the morning so I’ll need your address. The location, now that will be a surprise.” He smirked when he saw me jerk my head up at him in protest, stopped before I said something, then ducked back down.

    I took out my notebook and tore out a small piece of paper, writing down my address. I slid the paper towards him, not glancing at him from embarrassment. The embarrassment, it’s horrible and torture to me. Curiosity gnawed at my insides, wanting to know where we’re going for the date, but I beat it down. As the saying goes: Curiosity killed the cat, but I hate surprises. They always end up with me being either betrayed, injured, mocked, humiliated, or almost dying.

    He picked up the paper, scanned it, then tucked it away in his pocket. “Thanks. You don’t live that far from me. Great.” He paused. “This date isn’t all that happy romantic crap, just a date so we can get to know each other, hang out and relax. I barely know anything about you and I thought this was a great idea to start.” He shrugged.

    Oh. He wants to know more about me? That’s a shame because when he’s done knowing about me and my dark past, he wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me. But, it’s tempting to find out more about him. To tell or not to tell the truth, that is the question. I’m leaning towards the truth, but editing it so he won’t know anything and I’m not lying. It’s perfect.

    Chase came into my line of vision, scaring the pikachus  out of me. I jumped in my seat from how close he was. “If we’re going on this date, I want to make this work so can you use your voice? For me? I remember you speaking to me, but it was brief and I want to hear your voice.”

    He wants to hear my voice? The one that everyone said was the most horrid thing they’ve ever heard? The voice that everyone mocked for sounding so girly and weak, like a fag? I whisper, sure to speak, but I’ve only ever spoke in my normal voice to Aunt Claire and animals. What if he hates my voice too?

    I remember, one of Lucas’ buddies hated my voice, so he tried to drown me at the school’s pool, plunging my head into the water, using his strength to keep me from getting air. If that janitor didn’t walk by and if I didn’t develop my lungs to the point where I can hold my breath for almost five minutes, I would have drowned, suffocated, died. I don’t hate the water, I hate people who are in the water with me.

    I gulped, but nodded. If he hates it, then he hates it and I can deal with it. I’ve always been alone, always coped with the loneliness with Aunt Claire, but she hasn’t experienced what I’ve been through, the hurt that was inflicted upon me, the torture, mentally, physically, and emotionally I had to endure, the many times my heart was crushed by someone I’ve carelessly let into my heart. She loves me, I know that and she tries to understand what I’m feeling, but she doesn’t and sometimes even she can’t help me.

    “Great. We can start now, if you want. I mean the talking, but if you want, we can start it tomorrow during our date.” His smile faltered as he said the last part, not liking it, but he did give me a choice and not force me into it.

    Throw the boy a bone. “Okay.” I whispered.

    He perked up. “Really?” He went nonchalant, leaning back in his chair and gave me a lazy smile, trying to look cool and calm. “I mean, that’s cool.”

    I couldn’t help but smile, so I did. Chase saw it and almost fell out of his chair, his eyes wide. My smile faded to worry. Is he alright?

    He blinked a few times in a daze, his eyes transfixed on me. “Can you do that again?”

    I cocked my head a bit. “Do what?” I asked softly. I can tell he likes it when I speak from how his eyes lit up a bit.

    “Smile. I like it when you smile, especially when your face isn’t hidden by your hair.” He told me bluntly.

    My cheeks went to flames as I looked down. He likes my smile? He really doesn’t think I’m ugly? Is he telling me the truth? I don’t know. I don’t know what to think anymore. This is all so confusing and just… it’s a bit too much for me to process. After having years of people telling me I’m ugly, disgusting, and just trash that needs to be thrown away, it’s hard to not think that about yourself. So when someone tells you you’re suddenly not ugly, I’m not going to say cute because it’s not true, a lot of things go through in your head, mostly denial.

    Why can’t life be as easy as Pokemon?

    I glanced up and saw Chase staring at someone from across the room. There was something in his eyes that brought back the bad feeling back into my gut, warning me again. He must’ve felt my eyes on him. He turned his attention back to me, his lips curing into a smile.

    Class ended. I went off to my next class, Chase saying ‘see you later’ before he left with his friends. He turned back once to wink at me, causing me to blush in embarrassment. I saw some people staring back anf forth between us before the whispering began once again. Too tired to care, I went to class.

    I arrived to my second class. I sat in my seat and took out my sketchpad, beginning to draw something random.


    Startled, I accidentally knocked down my stuff, my bag and some of its contents spilling onto the floor. Great. I got out of my seat and began to pick up my things.

    Melissa giggled. “Whoops, sorry about that.” She crouched down and helped me pick up my things, dropping off her stuff on the seat right to me. “Didn’t mean to scare you.” She put my stuff on my table and grinned.

    I sat back in my seat, putting back some of the stuff that came out into my bag. As thanks, I took out one of my homemade chocolate mini cupcakes and put in on her desk. She squealed in delight, attracting attention. “Oh my gosh, this is sooo cute Alan. Thanks.” She took a bite and moaned. “I’ve just died and went to cupcake heaven.”

    I smiled. She’s so ridiculous and full of energy, it saddened me when I avoided her, James, and Chase yesterday, which means, it’s already too late and I’ve already cared for them. Smooth Alan, real smooth. The little box I trapped deep inside my heart disintegrated when I saw them stand up for me. Now it wouldn’t go back in. I still don’t trust them but…

    “Do you have more?” Melissa asked me, her eyes hopeful as she bounced in her chair.

    I nodded, but didn’t give her any. I scooted my bag away from her reach, just in case.

    “C’mon, please, please, PLEASE.” She begged, giving me puppy dog eyes, her lips pouting.

    It didn’t work on me, maybe on others, but not me. I shook my head, refusing. I hugged my bag a little, scooting it more over to the safe zone. If she took my bag, she would eat all of my cupcakes, my lovely cupcakes I made in different flavors: strawberry, vanilla, chocolate, blueberry, green tea, and banana nut. She isn’t getting her hand on these, not until lunch.

    Does that mean I’m eating lunch with them again? It was lonely eating by myself on a tree. I wasn’t really alone, since I had Smores, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same as talking with an actual person, with someone you care about. For five years, I only had Aunt Claire for that, but that was only during the weekends. At school, I have to hide somewhere to eat or else my bullies will find me and destroy my lunch and my feelings for the day.

    She glared at me. She turned her head and huffed. “Fine, be that way.” She grumbled. Her eyes slowly wandered towards the paper cupcake liners. She folded it up, and popped it in her mouth.

    Uhhh… is she eating the cupcake liners?

    She chewed happily, humming some song I never heard of. But of course, I never listen to all that r&b, hip hop, rap crap that everyone listens to. I go for rock, songs with actual meaning, not sex, money, drugs and partying. Also, all those love songs are a bunch of bull poopy with sappy lyrics and suckers who actually sang it, no offense to those who like it. I’m just stating my opinion, in my head.

    After a few minutes of happily chewing the cupcake liner, she got up out of her desk, and spat the wad into a trash can. Ewww.

    She skipped back to her desk, not caring she just ate paper, and reached into her bag, pulling out a green air head. She ripped off the wrapper and chewed, her cheeks moving in a rhythmical cycle. What a weirdo.

    The rest of class was boring. I went to third and sat in my seat, already craving to eat my cupcakes. Maybe I can sneak one….

    “Hey Alan.” James sat in his seat and smiled warmly at me. “How’ve you been?”

    I shrugged. My eyes strayed back to my bag. Giving in to temptation, I took out the box of cupcakes and opened it. I picked the green tea cupcake because I just LOOOOVE Asian food and nibbled on it. Mmmm…

    “Can I have one?” James asked. His eyes locked on to my box of cupcakes. I nodded and held up one finger, saying he can only have one.

    He nodded. With great reluctance, I passed my cupcakes to his table. He scanned each one, his eye concentrated. Finally, he got a vanilla cupcake and took a bite. “Where the hell did you learn how to cook? Mmmm..”

    Eric, who sat quietly behind James, watching the whole thing. “Is it really that good?” He asked, hesitantly.

    James nodded. “He cooks like a pro, maybe better.” He mumbled, savoring his cupcake. “You wanna try?”

    Eric hesitated before nodding. “Sure.” He looked to me. “If that’s okay with you Alan.”

    I nodded. James passed the box to Eric. He chose a strawberry one and handed me back the box. I was still nibbling on my cupcake, watching Eric as he stared at my cupcake before taking a small bite. His widened in surprise. “Daaaamn.” He eagerly took another bite. “You are one hell of a cook Alan.”

    I blushed. I capped my box and put my cupcakes away, finishing up my cupcake. James held out a hand. “Here, let me throw away your cupcake thing.”

    I gave it to him, trying not to touch his skin. He got up and threw them away, clapping his hands.

    Not much happened after that. Eric talked animatedly with James about what happened at this party. I zoned out until the bell rang. Yes, time for lunch.

    James, surprising me, took my books again, and headed towards our lockers, placing them inside along with his. Then we went to the picnic table, our ‘usual’ spot. That word sent butterflies to flutter in my stomach, not in a sick way, but in a sort of light, happy way. It’s very new and foreign so it took me a while to figure it out.

    Chase and Melissa were already there by the table with someone else I didn’t know. Chase saw me and grinned. I blushed. The stranger glanced at the both of us and raised an eyebrow and Melissa, being the eater she is, asked me for cupcakes.

    Chase raised an eyebrow. “Cupcakes? How come I didn’t get any?” The stranger chuckled. “Oh, this is Cal Briant.” Chase said absently, his eyes locking with mine. “Now what was it about cupcakes?”

    Blushing even more, I took out the box and handed it to him, jumping when our hands accidentally touched. I didn’t move away, which surprised me. Why is it that I can now tolerate his touch? The tingly sensation that crawled all over my body was nice, and a bit uncomfortable, but not in a bad way.

    Chase’s hand lingered on mine. I glanced up and gasped. His eyes locked with mine, his gaze hungry. The metal grey of his eyes turned molten, his hand creeping up until his hand enveloped mine. I stood there, frozen, captured from the intensity of his eyes, a bit dazed.

    The box was suddenly taken from our hands, ripping me from my daze. We stared in shock as Melissa ripped off the lid and ate the cupcakes like a savage beast.

    I was about to yank my hand back, embarrassed, when Chase gripped onto it firmly, but not too hard. He pulled me closer to him, his lips now by my ear. His breath caressed the sensitive shell. I shivered a bit. “I’m shocked you didn’t scream and run away.” His lips gently brushed my ear. “Can you stand my touch now?”

    I answered him with a shrug. He shook his head. “No, no. Remember what we talked about in class or did you forget?”

    I gulped. “I don’t know.” I said softly.

    Chase smiled. “That’s a good boy. Now let’s eat lunch.” He patted the seat right next to him. “You can sit next to me.”

    I did. Cal, showing his skills, snatched a few cupcakes without Melissa knowing, already eating two. “Hmm. This is good.” He handed the few he had to Chase before staring at me. “Don’t give me that look. I won’t hurt you or anything. Chase would kill me if I do.” He licked his fingers. “By the way, you’re a great cook.”

    Not used to compliments from strangers I ducked down and blushed. Reaching into my bag, I took out my lunch box and ate slowly, not really hungry from all of the butterflies giving birth in my stomach. Yeesh.

    I was about to eat a piece of chicken when Chase came at the speed of light, taking it off my fork. He chewed, swallowed, and grinned at me. “Thanks. Can I have some more of that? I forgot my lunch.”

    It’s not as if I could eat anyways so I slid it towards him. With hungry eyes, not like the ones he gave me before, he dug in, using my fork. An indirect kiss.

    My cheeks burned at the thought. Where did that come from? No naughty thought Alan. You know that indirect kisses are perverted.

    Chase, already finished with my lunch, handed me back the container and fork. “A great cook as always. I should ask you to cook for me some time.”

    I perked up. “Really?”

    He stared at me, blinking, then laughed. “Yeah. If it makes you this happy.”

    The rest of the day was boring so I won’t bother with the details.

    I turned off the light of my bedroom, clean and cozy. I snuggled into my pillows and fell asleep. I can’t wait for the date.

I'm not getting any readers. Awww.

Now i'm sad and i don't reallt have the motivation to write like before.

if you want me to post the next chapter, vote, comment, and help meh get more readers. No need to fan, but if you do then *huggles*

I am beat tired. Waited six in a half hours to talk to my college counselor.

yeah ya heard meh. i'[m going to college. Whoo!!

JK, i'm not all that excited. In fact, i'm dreading it.

Anyways, Vote, comment, and help me get more readers! D:<

Eni <3

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