There's No Love Quite As Mad

Chapter 8. Black-Out

8. Black-Out -

Hush little baby don't say a word. Mama never gave you permission to speak.

And if you don't listen to me. Mama's gonna carve out your little tongue.

And if you can speak after that. Mama's gonna make sure you can't talk back.

So don't you dare complain to me. Mama's had enough of your misery. 

Now go off and leave me alone. Mama's gonna go kill the whole damn world. 

I haven't taken my medication in over a week. The voices have returned, they are growing stronger as I grow weaker. I will not survive here long, not in this condition. My body is strong but my muscles are frail. My strength is intimidating but my brain is pudding. These voices will rip me apart from the inside and then out, I do not know how long I can fight. I have never known struggle until now.

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"Bella...wake up. Bella, c'mon don't you do this to me, wake up."

"I hope she dies."

"I hope you rot in a hole so far down in the pits of Hell that not even Satan himself would go to see your pathetic little face, I'm glad I choked you but I'm sad I didn't kill you." 

"I'z think she be wakin', hush now. Bella sweetie, can you wake up fo' me please..?" 

"Well.. is she dead? Is the witch, oh sorry, is the girl dead..?" 

"Margaret, I need you to stand back a couple of feet because I am not in the mood for iso and you and Leona are about to send me there for the rest of my life." 

The voices are colliding with themselves, and I'm trapped. I'm trapped in this nightmare that I cannot awake from. I am aware of my consciousness yet I am still unconscious. I try to open my eyes but the voices tell me no. They are beginning to control me rather than me controlling them. These voices control parts of my body, limb from limb. I am becoming nothing without them, they are the cause of my relapse and yet again the cause for my dysfunctional body. I have become the drug addict who can never get away from their addiction. I am the drug dealer who uses their own supply. I am becoming my old self, and the sight of isolation is looking pretty good as of now. 

"Back up.." Bellatrix stood onto her feet, almost collapsing right then and there. Jax quickly caught her by the waist, pulling a bit closer than expect. She stumbles back into him, his body pressed onto her own as his lips are next to her ear. The voices starting shouting "kiss him, do it kiss him. It's not like you don't want to, I'm sure you want to do more to him don't you? You share your mind with us, we know your deepest secrets, you are not safe." Quickly Bellatrix pushed him off of her, and for the first time she had rejected his affection on the protection of her own self, not him. 

"Something wrong..? You seem a bit t-."

"I'm fine, perfectly fine. I'm peachy, grand, happy, lovely, glad to be alive, all of the above." She walks out the room into the recreational hall, her old attitude slowly coming back. The same attitude that got her sent here in the first place was now taking its position in her mind and forming the old Bellatrix, the Bellatrix that was a female serial killer too mentally deranged to be put in front of a jury. They all sat around her, Jax closest to her.

"Your eyes look more like an ivory green when you're angry.." Jax knew something was wrong, and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He motioned for everyone to back up a bit or even leave, but there wasn't enough time.