The hardest step
she ever took
was to blindly trust
in who she was.
"Why are you leaving, mommy?" The little boy asked as he was sitting on the edge of the bed watching his mom packing her luggage. His eyes began to water at the thought of his mom leaving and not seeing her again. Heaven looked up to him and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "I'm sorry, baby! I'm so sorry!" The salty tears streamed down her face to her delicate chin again. She would have never thought the day would come and she would be separated from her precious little bundle of joy.
Her heart ached unbearably. If she wasn't forced to do this, she would have never even thought about leaving him. Killian's cruel threats a few hours ago had her shaking in fear. She knew he wouldn't hesitate to do what he said. She couldn't recognize anything from the sweet and caring man she fell in love with three years ago. The man who had her heart beating at an unnormal pace and her knees buckling every time she saw him. Yet he still has the same effect on her. No matter how much he hurt her and still is, her love for him never faded. She loved him deeply. Or at least she loved the man who thought her what love is.
Standing up from the cold floor, she made her way to where her son was sitting. Gently she cupped his cheeks in her palms and whispered to him "Mommy, would never leave you! I'll be always there for you, when you need me. I just won't be living with you anymore." Tears now fell from Zachy's eyes. He couldn't bare the thought of not seeing his mom everyday. "But, why?" He asked at the verge of sobbing. "B-because now you're a big boy. And big boys live with their daddies!" She tried to reason.
"Then I don't want to be a big boy!" He sobbed this time. It broke Heaven's heart to pieces. Just when she engulfed him in a tight hug, the door swung open and revealed the cruel beast who was the reason of both their pain. "Zachy, why don't you come play with me?" Killian kneeled beside Zachy. But the little boy shook his head grabbing into his mom tightly. "I wanna stay with mommy." He cried.
"How about we go to the toy store and you can get everything you want?" Killian always knew how to manipulate people and now he's trying to do that with his son to make him do what he wants. "I can everything I want?" Zachy asked to make sure. "Everything you want!" Killian chuckled. Heaven's heart skipped a beat when Zachy's hands loosened their grip. He gave in to him. She didn't blame him though, Zachy never had much toys. He just had two are three, Heaven didn't have enough money to buy him toys.
Maybe it really is for the best. At least he will live a comfortable life and get everything he desires. She tried to convince herself. "I want Lego's!" Zachy yelled happily jumping into Killian's arms. At least he's happy, isn't this what you always wanted? Her inner voice spoke again. "I love you, Zachary!" Both the father and son looked at her now. "Love you too, mommy!" Heaven kissed her son's cheeks before she nuzzled her face in his dark curly hair inhaling his scent. She felt Killian's eyes boring into her soul.
"Please, take care of him." She said to which he nodded surprisingly not looking into her glossy eyes. "You won't be here when I come back?" Zachy asked his eyes watering again. She stared at him and then Killian not knowing what to say. "Of course she will!" Killian lied to him. Now he's lying to his son too. "Let's go, before the store closes." Killian picked the little boy up in his arms and marched to the door without even looking back at Heaven to see if she was ok. Heaven closed her eyes tightly not wanting to break down in front of her little one. The moment she heard the door close, she let herself fall on the bed and cried hard.
Her sobbing and crying could be heard to the outside of the room, but she didn't care. Her heart was aching terribly. The same pain she felt three years ago, was now repeating itself. How will she be able to survive without her precious baby boy? No matter how many times she tried to talk to Killian in the past two days, he wouldn't listen to her pleading. Instead he would throw her out of the room or threaten her. This time his threat worked on Heaven. If she doesn't leave the house in 24h without Zachary, he will go to the court and take full custody on Zachy and she won't be able to see him ever again.
She knew he would do that without even blinking, that's why she decided to leave. At least she would be able to see him every now and then. He would be happy living in a place like this and finally being with his father he so much asked about. She was happy for him but sad for herself. But that doesn't matter, what matters is Zachy's happiness. She slowly lifted herself up from the bed to continue packing. Good thing that the landlord allowed her to get back to her tiny apartment.
After two days
"Daddy, I want to sleep beside mommy!" Zachy whined as he was lying on his new bed in his new room made just for him. The room was a beautiful baby blue color and was filled with toys and Lego's. "Big boys sleep alone, Zachy!" Killian answered. He was exhausted trying to put the three year old toddler to sleep since an hour. "I want mommy!" Zachy insisted. "How about I sleep beside you?" Killian sighed. Without answering Zachy made place for his dad to lie next to him.
"Why did mommy have to go?" Zachy asked as he nuzzled himself in his father's chest. "Go to sleep, Zachy. It's late!" He tried to avoid to answer his question. Deep down he knew what he's done was wrong, but he was angry at her. Angry because she didn't even try to tell him when she found out that she was pregnant with his baby. "I miss her, daddy!" Zachy mumbled as his eyes began tear up. "We will go visit her tomorrow."
End of chapter 9.
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