As he sat there, fighting the urge to text her, he thought for a few moments about that first hand-holding experience. It had happened a year ago today. So much had happened in that year, but at the same time, it felt like yesterday.
His heart had stopped momentarily when she'd grabbed his hand. He remembered feeling both exhilarated and terrified. Her long soft fingers felt so right in his large calloused hands, but what did this mean? Was this what he wanted? The answer was yes. In some ways, he'd wanted this for awhile. He'd be lying if he said he'd never had those kind of thoughts about her. He had. How could he not? She was stunning.
She was taller than most girls. Maybe five foot nine? She was still quite a bit shorter than him, of course. She had long thick auburn colored hair. In the summer it had glints of bright red in it. It would darken in the winter. Her hair was wavy, but not curly. She never did much to it that he knew of. It always looked clean and natural and it smelled amazing. He loved it best when she wore it in a ponytail.
Her eyes were blue-green. His mom always said that she had Irish smiling eyes. Her eyes told you everything she was feeling. He hated how they looked when she was sad. The last time he'd looked into her eyes he could see how he'd broken her.
She had pale skin with a smattering of freckles. Her cheeks were always rosy. Her lips were always pink.
Her body was perfect. Or at least he thought it was. She was an athlete. Swimming was her sport. She practiced all the time, often early in the morning. He loved her muscular build. She was extremely fit, but not overly thin.
So they'd held hands on that walk, just days after he'd gotten home. They'd then walked to an elementary school and had climbed up on a play structure, dangling their legs over the side as they'd sat at the top. They'd sat right next to each other so that their thighs were touching. He could still recall that electric feeling that radiated throughout his whole body from that small point of contact.
They looked at each other and both of them knew. They knew they were going to kiss. He reached up and placed his trembling hand on her cheek. She smiled at him and closed her eyes. Slowly, he leaned in until their lips touched. It was a sweet and innocent kiss. Their lips barely touched. He pulled her a bit closer and the kiss was a little deeper. It was still pretty chaste as far as kisses go.
When they were done, they looked at each other.
"Be my girl?" he asked.
"Of course," she'd answered.
They were inseparable for the next five weeks. She had school during the day, but he'd pick her up in the school parking lot in his Jeep and would drive her home. Both of her parents worked, so they had the house to themselves. In hindsight, their parents probably shouldn't have been so trusting. Her parents knew him and felt she was totally safe when they were together. His family felt the same.
It probably should have taken longer to go from that first sweet kiss to sex, but it didn't. Once the doors were opened on their relationship, things moved fast. It wasn't that he pushed her. Nope. He would ask for her consent over and over each time things got more serious. He would never have asked her to do anything she wasn't ready for. He loved and respected her too much for that.
Things moved quickly for one reason. They didn't have much time. They'd been on her bed making out one day when she'd stopped things and sat up.
"You only have 25 days left before you leave for Europe," she said, her voice cracking slightly.
"I know. I wish we could slow down time," he replied as he brushed the hair off her face and used his thumb to wipe away the tear that had fallen down her cheek.
"I'm ready, Shawn," she'd said.
He thought she meant she was ready for him to leave on tour, since that's what they'd been talking about.
"I'm not," he said.
"Oh, now I feel silly," she said, blushing and looking away. "We can wait."
It dawned on him that she meant ready for sex.
"No! Hold on. I misunderstood you. You're ready, ready? For, you know, sex?" he said awkwardly.
She bit her lip and nodded.
"Are you a virgin?" he asked.
He was 99.9% sure she was. She hadn't really had a boyfriend and he felt like she would have told him if she'd done it.
"Yes. But I'm ready. For you, that is. I'm ready because it is you. If that makes sense."
It made total sense to him, and he felt some regret that it wasn't his first time, too. If he'd known this was going to happen, he would have waited for her. But how could he have known?
"I love you," he told her for what had to be the hundredth time. He'd told her this within days of that first kiss. He loved her more each day they spent together and told her constantly.
"I love you, too."
Their first time together wasn't perfect. He was too focused on not hurting her and she was too focused on getting him to not focus on her pain. It ended up being pretty quick. Afterwards they laughed at the fact that they'd just done it. It wasn't the kind of laughing you do because something is funny, but because you're happy and relieved.
Things got much better over the next three and a half weeks. In fact, things were so perfect, in that way, that he wondered exactly how he could live without her while he was on tour.
Double update because why not. I hope those reading are enjoying this.
Reads/likes/comments have dwindled on all my fics. It's weird how one day you can get 500 reads and then just a handful the next day. It's totally fine, just an interesting thing statistically.
It went from winter to summer here. No spring. Isn't SM3 supposed to be released when it is warm on the east coast? That's now. I'm ready for the release.