Chapter 3

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"On my way to the art store now," I told myself as I look ahead of the road. Relaxing my hands on the steering wheel. I take deep breathes, inhale exhale inhale exhale. That call really did get me riled up even though it was 20 minutes ago, including me devouring my food, because that's my only love in life. See Jack I can be positive! Yeah Whatever.

Dani was many things in my life but I still loved him, as a friend though. Honestly, I didn't take offense to Dani when he cheated on me. That was bound to happen because after Lifewrecker it was hard to love.

Hard for someone to touch me and when Dani did kiss me it didn't feel right, and Lifewrecker was always in the back of my mind. I've also thought of  the fact that Dani was just my best friend, and boyfriend I guess, but that label didn't mean as much as it did with Lifewrecker because that was something more real.

Dani was just a distraction because I tried to convince myself to start something new, something fresh but it ended up just making it worst. It helped Lifewrecker even more with just a simple heartbreak. So I refuse to love, I barely have the strength to love my own family and I was happy that I did. They're the ones who help rebuild my life.

In the end, some people probably think I'm the biggest jerk out of all this but I get use to it. JERK JERK JERK. But every jerk has a story behind them.

Unconsciously, I turn on the radio. A okay song was playing so I just drove in silence with it on. So not really silence dumbass. I was almost to the art store and I needed to think what I need from there. Pencils? Paint? New sketchbook? Canvas?

"And next up we're playing the new single by Zach Herron," the radio announcer interrupted my thoughts. I immediately turn it off.

That's the second fucking time today. " I FUCKING HATE HIM," I shout inside my car. Why? Just why? Oh I can't stand how Lifewrecker got so successful. When he left for LA, he basically turned into a star. Gaining popularity and fans. His songs started to constantly be playing on the radio. He became successful in such a short period of time, becoming one of the biggest names in music. Yep and that is why he never came back.

I feel a tear slip as I rethink life like I always do. Another thing that pisses me off is that one night I found out another part of him.


I was bored. Studying gets boring doing it all the time I decide to take a break. I get on my phone decide to go on maybe Instagram. I sigh bored at my dorm desk with my face propped up by my hand.

I don't have many followers and don't follow many people plus mines a private account and I have a few people blocked. So I decide to go on the explorer page because I'm so uninterested with my life . Anyways I scroll and scroll and roll my eyes at some #couplegoals posts.

Then one picture caught my eye and my thumb hovered over the picture before I clicked on it. That's when my face flushed pale and I started to shake. It was him. But that part of the picture didn't bother me. It was the people he was with. His old high school friends. They were in LA too. Then the caption pained me,

I missed my day ones so much. Much love to them.

What about me? I guess he moved on too. I feel a tear slip. Never gets old I'm just surprised how I don't have any tears left. I'm about to swipe right but instead my finger hovers over the username and clicks on it. Just because I like to put myself in pain I look at the profile.

20 million followers? I stare stunned at the number. Then I scroll down and I see his face. In a bunch of his photos he is smiling. Then in others he doesn't look at the camera. Another picture catches my eye. He is kissing someone. A girl. The caption is My heart.

My heart is breaking but I just got to know her name. So I click the photo then the tag. Her name is Keilani. I also notice in most pictures she is practically naked. A model? And to prove they're dating there is a picture of Zach with her and they are holding hands and they put their laced together hands up to each other faces and kissing the palm of their hands, looking each other in the eye. I exit out of Instagram. Crying so hard. I put my phone down and hit my head on my desk. Sobbing loudly. I guess he is not even gay anymore.

***End of Flashback***

After that I never gone on social media ever again. I haven't even heard a whole song of his. I just don't know who he is anymore and I'm happy about it. No ur not quit lying.


My face grows red as I get frustrated on what I want to do for the art contest. I have everything right in front me. From canvas to paint. I felt like I brought the whole damn craft store. Now that I think about it I spent way to much money but good thing I'm an art major.

So this stuff is useful. Art major? Wow I still can't believe out of all the things I major in, it's art and the reason behind it disappoints me. The picture. I pull out a drawer of my desk and take out a drawing. It's of me. So so beautiful. This always brings inspiration but it still reminds me of him.

Him. I never speak of him as the person he is but of a monster. The monster I talk about all the time behind hidden meanings and in my thoughts but I can't even say his name without tearing up.

As I smoothen the picture. I look at it, thinking of how it can help me on the topic. Draw something that has the meaning of life within it. That's when I get an idea and pick up a pencil and sketch out a drawing. The drawing of a monster and the broken boy.

Boring first few chapters.

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