do you know what really messes me up the most?
the cliché of it all.
the fact that you're the popular boy, with the popular friends, the popular concerns.
the whole "i know some people really hate me and i know what they're capable of." shit you have going on.
meanwhile i'm just a girl.
i'm the new girl.
i'm not popular.
i just mind my own business.
i don't give a shit about what other people may think about me or my love life for that matter.
because, guess what?
it's none of their fucking business.
and you shouldn't give a shit about what they think either.
and frankly i'm quite disappointed you do.
sure your friend is hurting.
but you also have to be concerned about your own happines over anyone else's.
that's how we got in this whole mess in the first place.
i just want to love you.
i want to hug you.
i want to kiss you.
i want to do all the things lovers do, with you.
and i want you to feel the same way.
i want to hold hands with you and talk and laugh about stupid shit without you caring if someone is going to see us.
you have no idea how much it pains me to see you so out of reach.
you're right there.
a few meters away.
and i can't do anything.
because you're too kind.
such a good friend.
yet here i am.
writing this.
because i know.
i know.
that even if i bring myself to tell you this.
i won't like your answer.
it's going to be the same shit.
the same "you know i can't, my friend is still in pain."
or the "it pains me too."
over and over.
until you get tired of me.
until you get tired of my jealousy.
until you get tired of my constant needy-ness.
and you leave me.
like you promised you wouldn't.
because neither of us are good at keeping promises.
ir at least i certainly am not good.
so i guess since i've broken my promises, you could break yours.
i just really hope you don't.
Please stay.
Please.
