I stand in a crowd

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I stand in a crowd
Surrounded by all the people I know
I look at them
Tears threatening to gush out from a stream
A river of emotions
A universe of regret
A black hole of pain

I stand in the middle of a crowd
All were busy
Laughing, talking, eyeing
I look at them in disgust
Or is it pure rage?

I stand firm and point at each one
" I hate you" I scream
" It's all your fault" I yell
They stop and look at me in horror.

Don't they know?
It was she that told me to do it.
It was her that said she would be proud of me
It was she that said ignorance is not bliss.
It was he that seduced me.
It was her that told me he would be a fool to reject me
It was he that said time heals all wounds

It was they that said all of that
But then it hits me
It is not them that I hate
It is not them at all

I stand in a crowd
I stand with hatred
Hatred so bright the sun cowers in fear
That hatred is pure
That hatred burns
That hatred is for me
I hate me

Because it was me that was the fool
I looked in your eyes
Engraved your smile on the stone that is my heart
I blocked all the exits in my brain so your words could never leave
I captured hope and kept it prisoner within me
How was I to know that it would leave a hole in my heart and escape when I poured my river to you
It was me that kept trying to persuade you even though the ball was never in my court
It was me who believed that we would one day be even though fate detested me

It was me
It was only me
I stand in a crowd with the people I love and the me I hate

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