Chapter:11 ~ Dream Date (Part II)

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'Do you... l-love him?', I tightened my fist at my own question. I know you don't love him but don't say yes.

She choked on her drink when I suddenly asked her about her love-life.

'Are you fine?', I asked when she coughed for a few more seconds.

'Umm... I am fine. I just...', She tried making her words but I them in between my words.

'You don't need to answer. I know you....love him.', I said looking at my glass of juice.

I hope my imaginations which want her to love me does not get ruined.

'Xavier...that...'

'He must be very caring unlike me.', I said looking in her eyes.

I can't believe but a tear just slipped her left eye making my heart sink. Do you still love me? Or this is just a never getting over feeling I just felt.

I want you so bad that it kills me making you cry but I am still doing this. I wish I could read your mind when I look in your eyes. But that's never gonna get possible. 

'Umm... the lights are dim so it is straining my eyes that's why the tear fell out.', She said as she rubbed her eyes using her thumb.

Stop doing that and just say that you love me. Please admit that I am the reason your tear fell out not the lights. Just say that the person you brought with yourself is not your boy-friend and it's just me whom you love and can't get over. I promise I'll kiss you right now. I promise I'll do anything you'll ask me to do.

You want me to get myself on my knees. I will. But please... just say you love me.

'I don't know why... but I am sorry....because I can't lose you to him or anyone else.', I said making her eyes widen in shock. I kept my stern face and I don't know how?

'What?' She asked. Her eyes express the pain I am causing her right now.

'It's the only way I can hurt you.', I lied. Actually it's the only way I can get you.

'Are you doing this because I...', I felt her tears building in back of her eyes.

'I want you to know that how it feels when you are suffering because of someone else, who didn't answer your questions why, when, who and anything you wanted to ask. I want you to feel that irritation and frustration which you left me with those fucking divorce papers. I want to hurt you.', I said making her more weak and myself a little more bigger liar.

'Why did you divorce me?' I wanted to ask but I can't saw anymore tears because that one passed out my heart making my heartbeats slow down. I am hurting her but I can't help it. I want her without any explanation and answers. 'You being with me' is the only solution of my life.

'It was not my fault. I was...', She tried to say but was cut in short.

'Sir, your order is ready.', the server said making my eyes move away from her.

'Cancel it and cancel our booking. We are leaving.', I said as I stood from my seat.

'Ariana, let's go. We have a meeting with the investers.', I added making her stand from her seat. She didn't utter a single word but she just kept her eyes looking down to her hands.

'But Sir... your order.'

'Add to the bill.', I said as we made our way out the room.

I didn't place my hand where I placed it before. I didn't even touch her anywhere else.

How can I feel her when I made myself so rude to her? I lost my only chance to feel her.

_________

We are sitting in my car. I didn't spoke a single word. She kept her gaze down for the whole journey.

HCan't you just slap me? Can't you just scold me for my stupid behavior? Can't you just ask if I am fine? Can't you just.....embrace me and kiss me? Why can't you just say 'I love you' to me?

Just scold me... I promise I will not stop you.

I wish my mom would have be here to just help her son to get away with this frustration. I lost her and Dad. I can't dare to lose Ariana too. This is the hardest thing to watch her saying that she loves someone else. I just can't.

I wish I could admit that I checked my phone every morning hoping there must be a message from you. I tried really hard, I promise, but now I can't just handle it anymore. Every night of those two years I put my head to my pillow and I try to tell myself that I'm strong because I've gone one more day without you but now I just can't tell that anymore.

I miss you....Please miss me.

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~CrazyJuliet.

(It's too unbelievable but I cried writing this chapter.)

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