32

1.8K 76 13
                                                  

Shawn and I sat in the comfortable, slightly worn, brown leather chairs in Alice Dickens's office. Alice sat directly across from us. Just like we had the previous two sessions, we held hands. I needed that physical connection while we tried to open up about our issues.

Alice looked at her notes from the last session. "Josie, you mentioned having fears with regards to your relationship with Shawn. Can you tell Shawn what it is you are afraid of?"

I took a deep breath. It was not going to be easy to articulate my fear. Fear is often a gut feeling, not something easily described or put into words.

I looked at Shawn and gave his hand a squeeze.

"I guess what I fear that a tiny bit of the person who was in the car that hit me and left me in the road is still inside you."

Shawn looked saddened by this statement.

Alice nodded. "Good, Josie. Let's try to go a little deeper. Why are you afraid of that?"

"If Shawn was capable of doing that, what else is he capable of?"

"You need to say this to Shawn, please," Alice reminded me.

Of course he heard me, but I repeated it.

"Basically, I am afraid of what else you might be capable of."

Shawn let go of my hand and ran both hands through his hair.

"Shawn, you look like you want to respond to Josie," Alice said.

Shawn looked me in the eyes. "Josie, I hate that I was that person. I have been struggling with exactly what you are telling me for years."

I reach out and take his hand back in mine.

"I believe that what I did that night was a mistake. A huge one, I know. But I don't think it indicates a huge flaw in my character. I don't think it means I would ever do anything like that again."

Alice looked at me. "Josie, do you feel Shawn is being truthful with you?"

"I do."

"Do you have any other fears you'd like to tell Shawn about?"

"Shawn, I'm just really afraid of getting hurt again. When you told me you were in the car, my whole world fell apart. I can't handle that again."

"I can't promise you that I will never hurt you. We have our entire future ahead of us, and we are going to have arguments. We are going to say or do things we regret."

I nodded, knowing this was true.

He continued, "But honey, believe me when I tell you, I will never drop another bombshell on you like I did about the accident. I promise."

Hit & Run [Shawn Mendes]Where stories live. Discover now