ASUNDER (I) : tmr newt

47: I'm Trying

For a second I think it is a nightmare and then she winces. She pulls herself into a sitting position, leaning against the wall behind her as she stares at me. One blue eye, and one eye black and blue. She blows hair out of her face, only for it to slowly fall down. Like a feather off of a wall. A blue bird somewhere has lost her song and I can feel it in my chest.

"How did you beat people up?"

At this I step inside and shut the door behind me. She stares at the walls. Her eyes glance at me spread apart, ready for her consumption. I don't need to look around to know that the concrete surrounding us in painted in my blood.

The floor seems to have turned redder since I last was here.

"With my fists," I know she didn't mean the physicality of it. I am a small girl, but my arms are beefy, and I can tell I look intimidating.

She was asking the mentality of taking someone and crushing them in my hands. Holding life between my tiny fingers, before taking it upon myself to erase everything that once was. Destruction creates a whole new world. Takes a world that was given to me, and builds upon in ways that I may never learn how no matter how long I am here.

The irony of being a harbinger of death does not escape me, when my job is to build shelter and security.

Dawn rolls the eye she can. I find myself breathing heavier than normal.

I didn't set out to find her. Matter of fact, I was hoping against it. Just one day without drama would be lovely for once, but I can't seem to escape the chaos that fills my life. From what I can tell, Dawn hasn't either. She too, is trapped in this room.

"That's not what I meant," she corrects me in a quick quip.

Her arms are bruised and her neck is red in a way I can't describe. It's green and purple, and all the things that aren't her.

"It's easy," I tell her. Why am I being honest? "It's kind of like klunking. I don't really ever start out my day wanting to, but sometimes I've got to."

She snorts, but doesn't avert her eyes from me. I don't think I can say I quite understand her, nor can I say that I get her, but I think maybe she gets me a little better.

"Were you looking for me, or did you just stumble in here?"

"Yes and no," I find myself sinking to her level, quite literally, and crossing my legs on the floor. "Newt is trying to find you."

"Why?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I'd figure you'd know. Aren't you shanks like friends or something else ridiculous? You both talk funny."

She shakes her head. "We don't really know each other. Besides, his accent is nothing like mine."

Never really thought about it before, but now that I'm thinking about it, they sound nothing alike.

I take a hair tie from around my wrist before beginning to pull my hair up. It's in the way of whatever is happening here. The red of it swims around me in a way that makes me feel entirely uncomfortable. Dawn takes notice of my shift, as she pulls herself further up the wall.

Maybe she was talking about Newt, but Dawn and I really don't know each other. We sort of just exist in the same space. I can't remember the last time I talked to her. It must have been before I was locked up.

"I thought you two hung out a lot," I press on. "Does he know?"

"About..." she trails off, and I don't need her to finish the sentence for me to fill in her blank. "No. No one knows."

I scoff, "so you fell on your face then?"

"Climbing the walls, actually," she scrunches her nose up, and I hear her groan under the pain in her head. "I've done it before and I've fallen before. It's a niche intersection that might just fool Newt."

"What about Leo?" I ask.

I try not to think about her organically. She is a Med-jack though, so she'll obviously be the one to check out Dawn's face. Leo is a hypochondriac too, so she'll be all over Dawn, dotting and prodding. Now I understand why Dawn is hiding.

"She'll believe it," she tells me. "Leo likes to find solutions to problems."

"Leo likes to worry," I watch her smile, and I find a smirk on my face.

Dawn and I are trapped in here together. The pipsqueak, Ella, is already going nuts and Leo is definitely jacked as well. Bruised, bloody, and beaten by this room, Dawn and I are the only one's who share this experience.

I don't know if I really believe Gally. Of course Dawn is many things, but she is not insane. She is not the evil I want her to be. If she is, she is way too good at hiding her intentions for me to ever best her.

"You make hurting others seem so easy." Dawn remarks casually, "It's not."

"Hurting is easy," I am honest about it. "Really easy, actually. It's easy to hit someone when they do something wrong. It's harder to hold back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, I'm sorry for last chapter. To make it up, I'm working on some bonus material. Are there any songs that make anyone think of this book.

I'll see you soon (since I've been writing a ton), in Ella and Medics.