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I had another headache. This one was bad. I called my mom at work and told her. She called the doctor and he phoned in a prescription for the stuff they gave me in the hospital. She left her shift, which I felt guilty about, ran to the pharmacy, and brought the bottle of pills home to me.

I didn't take the meds, though. I didn't like how that shit made me feel. I didn't tell her this. I wouldn't want her to think her efforts were wasted. I just thanked her as she headed back out to the hospital.

Instead I took a bunch of Advil and got an ice pack out of the freezer. I went to my room and laid down, putting the ice pack on my forehead.

I started counting.

Slowly.

Usually the Advil started to kick in before I'd make it to 1000.

This time it did not.

I didn't even realize I was crying from the pain until I felt the dampness of the pillow on my neck.

They said the headaches would start to go away at some point. I'd been home for two months. Why was I still getting them two to three times a week? How was I going to deal with this at school?

I decided to imagine a scenario in my head. I pictured the car that hit me. I didn't really know what it looked like, so I made up an image. I envisioned it driving off as I lay in the street. It was speeding down the road, probably going twice the speed limit. Suddenly the driver lost control and hit a street light pole. The car burst into flames; I watched it burn.

This comforted me a little.

Yeah, I know that made me a horrible person. You should never want anyone to die. And honestly, I didn't really feel this way, but imagining the asshole who hurt me going up in flames did please me a tiny bit.

My mom made me talk to a therapist about my dreams and my anger. The therapist said I was putting all my resentment about getting hurt on the driver. Come on, wasn't that person responsible? She said I should avoid that bitterness, because it wasn't healthy. It could impede my healing. Also, if they never catch who did it, that anger will fester.

She said I should forgive the person and move on. Focus on getting better.

Fuck that.

Hit & Run [Shawn Mendes]Where stories live. Discover now