letter fifteen

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I couldn't sleep. Throughout the whole night I only thought about what Jacks reaction would be. Was he disgusted? He probably was. He seemed fine with me being gay but what we wear in the outside doesn't define us on the inside. He couldn't been covering up his true feelings. He was probably feeling pitty on me so he became my friend. This is his way to leave.

Or maybe I'm thinking this over too much.

It was morning and I was going to school. It was better Thank staying at home and have i talk to my mother. Without breakfast and without a goodbye I left He house and began my walk to school. The ten minute walk felt like eternity without Jack making me laugh. We usually walked together unless we had obligations, and it was the highlight of my day. Hell, he was the highlight of my day.

When I got to school did I want to talk to him? Explain what the letters were? What if he never got them? They were embarrassing, I wish I never did them. It was my mistake to mix them with my job applications.

Walking through the doors of the school my eyes immediately landed on Jacks. Without thinking I did what I knew, I put my head down and walked past him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw jacks gaze follow mine, but he did nothing to follow me. His face was expressionless, he just stared.

I don't know if he's angry. I don't want to know. I'd rather let my mind explore the options by itself. Maybe someday I'll talk to Jack, but for now I needed to let him think. People make stupid decisions if time isn't involved. But sometimes time makes you second guess yourself. I knew jack enough to know that he needed time.

The only things that was going to make ignoring jack for the day difficult was that he was in my first period class. As usual I sat in the back. Jack started sitting with me, it felt nice knowing someone cared enough to ruin their reputation for me. But of course, high school reputations mean nothing. I don't know if jack thinks that.

Today he sat up front, e definitely got the letters. I don't blame him for keeping his distance. I would do that too, I would be sorry for the sap who wrote the letters. But that happens to me in this case. I didn't like the feeling of being alone, I got used to the company.

He glanced back at me, his gaze lingering for a second too long. His lips slightly parted as if he wanted to speak, but quickly shut. He turned back to the front of the room paying attention to the teacher who had walked in.

The day was painful, slow, and without jack boring. He was the spark in my life, the thing that made it exciting to wake up. And now he's missing, it's like the puzzle is 95 percent done but when you were little you misplaced some of the pieces. Jack was the last few pieces. He completed me.

I walk to my locker at the end of the day, gathering my things. My coat got stuck in between the door hinges. Though it felt like something I deserve, it seems like everything that happens is what I deserve. I can't control it though. I groaned and let the jacket go, not having more energy to try and take it out.

With a loud bang I rested my head against the cold locker. The hallway was still filled with students, all looking at me now. I stayed like that until the hallways cleared, and after. I didn't feel like moving, I had given up. Whether I liked it or not I had given up.

Why did I write he letters? I could've easily said no. But then I would go to therapy. Is should've done that. I'm a dumb ass, a dumb ass who falls for people he know he can't have.

"Like Jack fucking Avery!" I shout slamming my hand against the locker door. I finally look up, the coat moved and feel from being stuck. I closed my eyes and took a sharp breath in. If only I could've learned from my mistakes.

I heard footsteps but didn't bother looking up. It was probably a random student finding their way to the cafeteria to study. That's what I used to do. With jack.

The footsteps got nearer and soon I felt body next to mine. I didn't need to open my eyes to know it was jack. But I opened my eyes and looked up at the curly haired boy. He lent down to my ear.

"We need to talk. Room D37. 5 minutes" he spoke softly. He wasn't mad, but I couldn't say that for sure yet. I gulped and nodded.

I don't know what to expect.

                          •  •  •
>so jack wants to talk
>what do you think he's going to say

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