Lost With You

Chapter Ten

While I decided to walk to the mall Jonathan and I have been to, I began to realize that I was missing my headphones. I cursed as I suddenly froze on the spot, digging into my pockets for any spare pair of earbuds. Unfortunately, I must have left both my pair of headphones and extra set of earbuds on the desk. The only things that accompanied me were my phone and my wallet.
    Then, my previous thoughts of what to get for Mr. Brad and Dad stopped. The song that unconsciously played in my head from listening to it countless of times restricted its non-existent flow. Did I even have enough money to get three cups of coffee?
    I shoved my hand back into the depths of my pockets, fishing out my wallet and almost dropping it in the process. My clumsy fingers fumbled with the leather object that made no movements to exacerbate the situation. I unfolded it and immediately checked all of its slots.
    A sigh of relief escaped on its own after finding out that I just had enough. Even if I didn't, I'd sacrifice my own cup of caffeinated drink just to obtain two beverages for Mr. Brad and Dad. They were really hardworking, going through extra work these past days and whatnot. They definitely deserved to be home early.
    The money I had was probably more than enough for a decent cup of coffee from any mere café. However, the sole reason why I was directing myself to the mall near where we studied was because the coffee shop located within the area was really good. Thus, it was more expensive. Moreover, they sold snacks along with their hot and cold liquids.
    I would consider getting them cakes if I had enough money. Then again, I probably shouldn't be complaining since the notes and coins which hid in their holder weren't mine to begin with. Basically, I was using Dad's money to get drinks for the three of us.
    I was aware that once I finished spending for what I desired to get, I'd have only a few cents to save. I wasn't one to be solicitous about the amount I could collect after a week's worth of spending. However, it did pain me to see that there wasn't much to keep for next time—whenever that might be.
    Making up my mind to follow through my plan of action, instead of the strolling I did before, I began to step into a brisk walk. Had I noticed that I couldn't listen to the usual top hits earlier, I wouldn't be rushing to complete my own errand. I didn't want to linger in the peaceful sounds of nature and the tapping of my shoes against the path which I wasn't familiar with.
    From a simple and even energizing walk, the swift movements of my legs altered into a sprint. I hadn't had a good run in a while where I actually attempted to overtake the slow and blurry passerbys from my sideview. I never really bothered to do my best when it came to physical education since I was fine with running alongside the crowd of students.
    I made it to the mall feeling rather refreshed than exhausted. That really got my heart pumping in a great way that it could be a replacement for the regular rhythmic beats it gave as it failed to sync with the tempo of the music at times. Feeling the two bumps at the side of my pocket, I was safe to go. I wouldn't know what I would have done if those shallow bulges vanished.
    I pushed the glass door open, enjoying the breeze of cool air and the strong aroma of coffee. Since there was a clear line of customers, I wasted no time being the first to place my orders in. While waiting, I decided to observe the oddly desolated modern bistro.
    There seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary; people engaging in literature, typing away on their laptops and some slightly rowdy teenagers. Except, I wouldn't say it was a pleasing sight to be greeted by—and no, it wasn't the ill-mannered youngsters which caught my attention.
    From where I stayed rooted, my eyes glued to two people sharing a table, facing one another. I couldn't stop staring as if they had targets on their backs. Even after glancing away, I'd catch glimpses of joy displayed patently on Jonathan's face.
    The girl who had her back in my direction had smooth and wavy brown hair. Meanwhile, every other feature of her was unknown, but even with that fact, I couldn't help but feel like she was gorgeous. Otherwise, I had no evidence that this girl was Jonathan's project partner. It could be some other girl from school who I didn't know.
    I refrained from shooting multiple looks at their table as it was creepy and it would be obvious to Jonathan who was chattering away with his date. Wouldn't wanna ruin someone else's fun time now, would I?
    Despite feeling gloomy now, I shrugged it off and thanked the staff as I was handed the three cups of coffee. My mission now was to escape the mundane restaurant before anyone I had relations with turned their heads to me.
    Since I was incapable of running now with my hand occupied, I went back to the routine of brisk walking. Humming softly to myself as I finally took a look at nature's calming beauty. I guess it was worth covering my vision with greenery after all. The wind which blew across me from behind helped me to relax and relish the cool, natural air.
    I made it back home faster than expected with the urge to see Mr. Brad and Dad. They were sitting on the couch but only one of them made use of the television. Dad wasn't fond of comedy shows because of his weird taste. Instead, he was just reading a simple book.
    "Hey, Dad. Hey, Mr. Brad," I greeted them with a smile.
    "Welcome back, kiddo," Mr. Brad grinned.
    "Feeling better now?" Dad asked, sliding the bookmark between the pages and closing the book.
    "Well . . ." I trailed off before shrugging honestly. "I mean, I feel okay-ish, I guess? Oh, but I bought you guys a latte each though."
    I approached them and handed them their hot latte which I regretted purchasing since the sun seemed more blazing than any other day. They took the cups and thanked me anyway, even after telling me that it was unnecessary to treat them.
    I'd be lying if I didn't feel at least a tad bit delighted that my small generosity seemed to have made their day. Rather than going against Dad's rule of no drinks other than water in the room (which had always been my bad habit), I savored a sip of my sweet mocha and left it on the fairly empty countertop. I didn't want to destroy Dad's mood with my disgraceful motions.
    Walking up the stairs without haste, I reached to the top in no time and entered my bedroom. Though I have never been one to have the quality of obedience (especially with homework), I decided to use the remaining time to finish up the math paper. The craving of melody and lyrics dissipated, feeling contented with silence. I was able to concentrate, allowing no disadvantages of getting carried away with musical tracks.
    I would often grant myself too many breaks within less than ten minutes of productiveness. This time, not even a single thought about resting crossed my mind. My head was heavily filled with math equations which I'd always found abstruse—and still did.
    No matter the numerous endeavors of research in my textbook, I just couldn't fathom any of them. With no other choice, I decided that I would return to the questions which got me dumbfounded. My paper seemed messy, with many scribbles that were canceled off like a cycle in each question. Some ended in answers I wasn't confident in while others ended with a blank line for the solution.
    I would say I was at least decent with math, but the paper proved me wrong by showing off my oblivion. Almost a quarter of all questions were left unsolved. The feeling of mental exhaustion crept in and a hankering of giving up bombarded my mind.
    Before starting the assignment, I was determined to complete it. Now, a short break filled my slot of yearning along with hunger from missing out on dinner deliberately. I released my pen and fell back into my seat, convincing myself that there had to be snacks in the pantry or fridge. I lamented bringing myself to think that skipping a meal was a good idea. Dad even checked up on me and asked me if I was sure I didn't want anything—even Mr. Brad did that. Except, Mr. Brad sneaked in the cold mocha I had bought for myself earlier without Dad's acknowledgement. I was grateful for that though.
    I stretched my arms up, reaching my final conclusion to think about food later. Finishing my break, I took a hold of my pen and pushed the cap down, making a clear clicking sound. As I flipped to the correct chapter, the door creaked open. Hoping it was either Dad or Mr. Brad, my eyes lit up in relief and I turned my head. My expectation crumbled instantly when Jonathan appeared at the doorway.
    "Yo," he greeted with a casual smile. "I'm back."
    "Yo," I greeted back, coming off oddly phlegmatic. "Welcome back."
    "Bad mood?" he questioned, plopping himself down onto my bed.
    I became wordless but not for long. If I was going to lie, I'd better buck up on my acting skills. A chastened smile plastered on my face as I gestured my chin to my untidy paper.
    "Homework, basically," I replied laconically. I couldn't let him figure out that he was part of why it seemed as if someone else was taking control over every inch of my muscles. Even I'd like to know.
    "You left many questions blank. Stuck?"
    "I guess so. I'm trying to figure them out now."
    I pretended to read the ever so familiar text printed out perspicuously on the page. My eyes moved from left to right, as if I had skimmed through the perfectly structured sentence. The room sunk back into its wonted silence as I remained motionless in my seat, looking over the sheet, already surrendering the last bit of my focus. My attention was now directed to many racing thoughts in my head, hoping that if I looked like I was concentrating, Jonathan would soon leave.
    "I can help, you know? I did this already." His voice sliced through the well-maintained quiet.
    "It's cool, man," I said, finally welcoming his figure into my sight. "I got this."
    "I don't think so, no offense."
    As much as I didn't like it, he had a point. Math had never been my forte—it probably would never be if I kept being stubborn. The best decision was to just let Jonathan give his shot at teaching me.
    "Well, um," I hesitated before giving a sheepish smile. "Help me, I guess?"
    Though I sounded reluctant to be conversing further more with him, the surprisingly short explanation session was quite tolerable, even fun. Since we didn't manage to hang out much with each other today, our habitual blabbering overwrote the still tranquility that once consumed me.
    I somehow felt better now that I've actually talked to Jonathan. Before he entered my room, his presence irked me slightly that I became stiff. I didn't know how I should have acted around him from all the discomfort. Circling around my mind was how much I would look forward to his absence in front of me. I became glad and even relieved that he didn't just give me the alone time I thought I needed.
    I still found every emotion I've experienced strange. None of them made sense. If I didn't want to speak to him, why was it that I found our chat enjoyable in the end? Shouldn't I have regretted even opening my mouth in the first place if I really wanted to be all by myself? I didn't get myself at all . . .
    I got over it eventually and finished my homework with Jonathan's help. I laid back in my chair, an arm placed over my stomach to comfort the emptiness it felt inside. It rumbled, desperate for the consumption of victuals. The mocha which I had drunken didn't ease the feeling of hunger which crawled at the walls of my stomach.
    I was starving.
    "Jeremy, don't you wanna head down and grab a bite? I've been hearing weird groaning sounds from your belly ever since I stepped foot in this room," Jonathan laughed, standing up while urging me to tag along.
    "There's probably nothing in the pantry—the fridge is empty too," I complained, heaving a sigh.
    "I figured. I bought doughnuts home and stored them in the fridge."
    I lifted myself off promptly, creating a screech as the legs of the chair scraped against the floor roughly. "I'm coming along."
    Should I concern myself with these fluctuating waves of feelings? I found it extremely bothersome to do so, but what if it was important? Maybe it would go away since everything was resolved today . . . Right now, I just wanted to get my hands on food and worry about nothing else.