Iniquity: a tale of guilt and love || Completed

16. Drifting out, drifting in!

~ The victim suffers, no doubt. But the guilty dies every second of his existence once the guilt sinks in~

It was a serene view outside, as Suman stood in the balcony with her cup of favourite ginger tea watching the sun set, and her favourite pair of arms holding her close, wrapped around her waist. A small smile played on her lips, her face glowing with the content her heart felt. She felt his chin at the crook of her neck, and smiled widely in response, but suddenly she started feeling cold, her extremities and her face shivering as the cold wind played with her. Irritated she opened her eyes to find herself on the couch, not in her dreamland beside him, but the comforter had been wrapped around him entirely, leaving her with only a quarter of it, such that her legs were out of it, like her face. She snuggled more into it, leaning closer to him but Shravan had clutched the hem of the comforter too tight. Finally she sat up, and looked at him who was sleeping unaware of the ruckass he had created at 3 am of a cold winter night. Suman wrapped the entire comforter around him, tucking his monster frame in like a baby and brought another comforter for her and again sat beside him, like earlier and slept off in that uncomfortable position.

The morning sun was bright, but she felt her muscles sore. She stretched her limbs still eyes closed but surprisingly didn't feel the ground, and rather felt the soft mattress below her. She opened one eye to find the opposite side vaccant and clean without any lines. That meant he had picked her up and made her sleep on the bed after he woke up in the morning. And Mr sadu says he doesn't care. A giggle escaped Suman's lips as she sat up yawning and moved to freshen up.

Pulling all her hairs up and rolling them somehow in a bun, she walked towards the kitchen only to be confused. Shravan was making scrambled eggs, she could see that from quite afar. But what made her frown was the way he was sweating.

"Shravan?", Suman called as she neared him, but her frown deepened as she saw the spatula in his hands trembling, or rather he was having tremors.

"Shravan?",her voice was urgent this time, she freed her hands of everything and dragged him to the couch. He was breathing heavily and was aware of his own heart beats.

"Should I call the doctor?", Suman was worried, her eyes tearing but Shravan shook his head as he closed his eyes and leaned back. A few minutes later, he was back to normal.

Suman was still standing near him, when he opened his eyes. The moment their eyes collided, something shifted inside him, because he saw that one emotion in her eyes that he had craved for long. Care. She cared for him, his heart twisted inside. When he had desparately wanted that, she had closed her eyes for him, and today when he wanted her to not care, to not worry, all her demeanor showed the exact opposite. Life and it's subtle ways.

" I am fine Suman. Might be the fatigue of the work!", Shravan stood up but Suman was still apprehensive. When she saw him plate their breakfast all normally, she had her breaths back. Sighing, she sat with him for the same.

"When are you returning?", Shravan questioned as his eyes scanned the bread for every marking.

" Whenever you are", Suman was nonchalant.

" Don't act stupid Suman. You have work too", Shravan retorted and she looked up at him.

"Sumo. And I know. That is why please wrap your work fast", she was still acting too casual.

"Suman please, I... I m-might take some more t-time to return", he fumbled the way he always did when he lied. Suman caught him, but didn't speak.

"Take your time. I am not going without you", she digged into her eggs happily.

"Suman!",his voice had dropped to a whisper, "why are you doing this?", Shravan asked helplessly.

" So that you realize that whatever it is, howsoever it is, I am not leaving you alone", Suman stood up with her plate as she walked towards the sink, leaving a frustrated Sharavan behind. His heart did flutter at her revelation, but this time he was afraid to let her in. To let anyone in. His guilt overpowered every other emotion in his heart. He didn't want to ruin her, yet again.

Shravan was working from home that day, sitting on his bed pretending to work on his laptop as he eyed her slender cotton kurti clad figure roaming around, as she folded his clothes, kept his socks together at one place and his handkerchiefs at one place. Oacssionaly she would tuck one or more loose strands back into her bun and make weird faced to herself. His heart delightfully twisted at the realization. She was acting like his wife. He wondered how he would have loved to act like her husband too. But as the past memories flodded his mind, the fat tears in her eyes that he had caused, the disappointment he had hurled her way, the ways he had questioned her talent and strength, he felt ashamed of his own self.

Suman cleaned the house, specifically the bedroom when she turned towards her husband to find him breathing heavily again. He was struggling to breath, his heart beating too wildly again and profusely sweating.

" Shravan!", She rushed to him and rubbed his back as she pushed aside the laptop and made him lie down. Within minutes, he was calm again and drifted to sleep but she was still worried. She immediately called Dr Arora and asked him to send someone he knew to their chandigarh flat. On hour later, Dr Singh, who was junior to Dr Arora and practised in chandigarh was sitting in their bedroom, checking up on him much to his annyoance. For some strange reason, Shravan hated hospitals and doctors. Paying no heed to his hatful faces, Dr Arora continued taking the history.

"Have it occurred before also?", He asked and Suman raised his eyebrows as he hesitated to answer.

"Yeah. Quite a few times in the past week.", Shravan answered without looking at either of them.

" And before that?", The doctor was persistent.

"No. It started recently but is always self limiting", Shravan answered and he nodded at him.

"Any sensation of light headedness during these attacks?", He inquired again and Shravan nodded.

"Psychogenic vertigo. It is basically seen in patients suffering from extreme emotional stress and anxiety. It is self limiting normally, but if the incidence increase, we might need to run some major tests. So young man, I would suggest you to relax and not think so much. Donot stress your body more than it can bear", he patted Shravan's shoulder and smiled at Suman before leaving.

" This is why I don't want to leave you alone", Suman fussed as soon as she sat beside him but Shravan had already decided in his mind how to use this opportunity.

" This happened because you are here. Just go and let me be in peace", he spat on her face, and for one second, Suman saw the glance of the same bitter Shravan who had broken his relations with her at the PCT, who had taunted her for the marrige, sasti simple si shadi, who had killed her self respect every time. Her eyes immediately filled with tears, and Shravan had to literally hold himself back forcefully to not wipe them. If this was the only way to push her away, then be it.