Undefined Love

Chapter 27: Questions With No Answers

Ray'vn's P.O.V

Darkness. Fear. Screaming. Clicks of triggers being pulled. Thuds from bodies falling. Blood. Bombing.

That was what I kept seeing. Replaying in my mind, over and over again.

I had forgotten about everything that's happened to me in the past three years. My parents divorce. The rape. The abuse. The confusion. The fights. The arguments, everything!

I don't know who am anymore.

I never thought I would see the events in my life taking place the way they are now. Being scared that the cops will find me any minute now to take me to juvie awaiting to trial me as an adult for murder and other charges. I never thought I'd see myself sitting in the hospital with one of the boys I love removing a bullet from his arm. I never thought I would see the day where I kill somebody. Three people. Three souls. Three families that will now have to live without that special male figure in their life because of me.

Why God?

I sat in the waiting area wiping my eyes with my hands. The same hands that stripped the lives of three men.

"Here," Jeremy said sitting next to me and handing me a box of tissues. "Thanks." I cleaned off my face. "You're not the only one who feels guilty Ray'vn." I looked at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Don't be stupid Ray'vn. I know why you're crying. I was standing there watching you stare at the floor for twenty minutes. It's like you were searching for someone, something. Answers to questions you don't know." How does he know that? This sounds way too crazy and super natural but he has to have some sort of special power. "Are you psychic or something," I asked giggling. He chuckled. "Nah. But I do know that you didn't want to kill those people today." I went quiet again.

He wrapped his left arm around me.

"What you did today wasn't you. I know. You're too soft and fragile for this. You have a heart, sympathy. You're a good girl. Unlike most of the guys here, this is their lifestyle. They live and breathe this kind of thing so it comes nothing to them. The rest do it for their own personal reasons or because they have no other choice."

"What type of guy are you," I asked staring deeply into his eyes so I could find more feeling in his answer.

He sighed. "I'm like you. A goody-two-shoes who got tied up with the wrong people. Chris ever told you about how he got into this whole thing?"

"Yeah." "Well I'm one of those boys who started out with him hustling people for their money. We been bestfriends since the beginning. I seen him through his good and his bad. He did the same for me."

My stomach turned and my chest pained listening to his words.

"I don't like what I do but it's kind of like I have to." "If you don't like it then leave. You can't let Shawn control you." "It's not that easy Ray'vn. Rolling around with people like this is a death trap for survival." "Psh, I know that."

We laughed a bit at my comment.

"Yeah, but like I said. I'm doing this because I don't really have any other choice either." I turned toward him. "What are you talking about Jeremy," I whispered loudly in relation to yelling. "Why would you not have a choice?" "Because my Dad put me in this and there's no way for me to get out unless it's through him."

"Why would your Dad get you involved in this?" "It's a long story, but he walked out on us a little over a year ago. He still came around and everything but things weren't the same. Now it's just me, my Mom, my younger sister, and my baby brother." I could see the pain on his face. "Jeremy I'm sorry." He gave a small smirk that faded right back into a sad face. "Where is he now?" He sat back and crossed his arms. "Like I said he still comes around sometimes but we heard he got married to some nurse from Bangkok Hospital that used to go to GSU."