letter seven

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My breath hitched at the sight of my fuming father. Mom gently placed a hand on his shoulder, it was slightly shaking. She was afraid to touch her husband. I couldn't breathe anymore. His hand wrapped around my neck. I don't understand. It was one mistake. I can't take anything back. I can't make myself change. Problem after problem piled up.

I can't breathe.

"Let him go!" My mom cries rung through the empty house. When you look on the outside everything seemed calm, perfect. Little did everyone know that when they pass they are passing a household where everything was beyond repair. "Please..." She whimpered, falling to the ground.

My bag fell from my hand. My gaze was fixated on the terrorizing face of my father. Could I forget? Could I leave? Did I want to leave? I don't know. A temporary way to gain control of my world, I needed it. I needed the imagination I lacked to have the last few days.

I choked. If I can escape should I. Fighting was what my brain told me to do at this point. But my body stayed limp, accepting any punishment I was enduring. His hand collided with my stomach several times. My mouth hung open at every hit. Did I deserve this? It was a mistake. I can't run. I won't move, I don't want to move.

One more punch. Maybe more, but I took it. I didn't whimper, I wasn't going to show any feelings. Feelings ruin everything. I was hurting, badly as a fact, but I couldn't show it. My mother cried out louder. The sobs she let escape her mouth brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't blink. She shook my father violently. Nothing would work. He's in his own world, the world where he doesn't have to act like he likes me. Where, a matter of fact, he hates me. He doesn't give anything for me, not a single tear for me. Maybe for his precious money.

Keep going Zach, don't give up yet. Don't be weak, don't cry to someone because your hurting. Deal with everything yourself. No one is ever going to be here for you, it's all you.

One more punch. So many uneasy feelings. He came home drunk, he came home feeling angry. I'll take it, I'll take everything as long as he stays away from her. The woman crying on the floor is everything I do have, she's minimal. I can't find her anywhere else. I'll find another father. Although, I don't know if I'll trust. I don't want to worry about the future. This is the present, who knows how long the future will last. It could be eighty years or it could be twenty seconds. I will take either.

Another punch. And one to the face. It's all black. I'm sorry.

       I didn't mean to be me.

                       • • •

>ya I'm sorry. I got all up in my feels during the writing of this.

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