Toilets & A Fake Girlfriend (girlxgirl)

Chapter 26: Teacup Chihuahua

"Look at that old lady with a cute Chihuahua," Melissa says as she points a 70-year old woman, slouching while staring at her dog. I immediately look at her direction.

Melissa and I have this awesome plan. I mean, we have to seek revenge after what that Veronica did to me. When Melissa and Veronica were talking on the phone, Melissa said she was going to make Veronica sit on poop. I didn't think she would do it. She was actually serious about it. Now, we are currently in the park, where there are loads of people and dogs. We have to find an actual crap.

Melissa suggested getting some human waste product, but I thought it was a really inhuman thing to do. So, we decided to get a dog's poop instead, which seems okay to me.

The cute white-furred teacup Chihuahua is currently pooping which is really disgusting since I'm chewing taco. The old lady is only staring at her pet.

"Come on, Come on. Let's go!" Melissa demands as she grabs my wrist, dragging me toward the old lady and her dog to get the poop.

The lady's eyes widen as Melissa and I startle her. "Good morning, ma'am," Melissa says courteously.

"Oh," the old woman smiles, nudging her round glasses. "Good morning, girls. What can I do for you?"

"U-uh," I stutter nervously. "C-can we have your Chihuahua's poop? It's very important."

The dog finally finished taking a crap and the old lady frowns, "No, you can't."

"Why not?" Melissa answers impatiently.

"It's my dog. It's my responsibility to pick up his poop and get rid of it somewhere," she replies.

"It's fine, we can do it for you," I say. "No hassle."

"No, you can't!" the lady says in an annoying voice, which reminds me of my grandma, only, hers (grandma) is with an accent. But this old woman's voice is a lot more annoying. "We have to obey rules, young ladies. If your pet poops in the park or somewhere else, pick up its poop. It's the responsibility of every citizen of this fair country to follow such rules. If you want this nation to prosper even more, then it's your duty to abide by its laws."

"Yeah," I agree with her. "I mean, as youth, maybe, we should help you with your problem... with your... pet's waste product. We are very, very... law-abiding members of this society and we respect the elders." Right. "That's why, we are volunteering to... help you with this slight crisis of yours."

"You are so sweet," the lady smirks. "But, no thank you. I was taught to clean my own mess."

"But it's not your mess, it's your dog's."

"Okay, okay, I don't have time for this shit," Melissa says in an irritated voice. "We'll just pay you.... Babe," she turns to me, nodding. "We'll just pay her."

"Are you two homosexuals?" the lady asks.

"Yes, we are," I reply right away then shrug at Melissa. "Yeah, whatever."

"No, no, no, no, no, you cannot get my puppy's poop. No," the lady says no again. I think I'm going to hit her in the head. The Chihuahua is pretty cute though and very tiny, as tiny as a Coke can.

"Oh, my god! Why not? You're such a stubborn old woman!" Melissa finally gets annoyed. "We can just pick it up for you and we'll go home and you won't have to deal with it later! You're too old to even bend your body! "

"It's my dog. It's my poop," she crosses her arms. "It's my responsibility. And... I'm not that old. I'm only 75."

Great. She definitely makes our plan even more difficult. "Can we just pay you, ma'am? Please, it's for a project in school? And you're the only one who can actually help us pass this... subject... in school," I say in a cute voice and Melissa smirks.

"Nope."

The surrounding is starting to smell awful. This poop must be taken away immediately otherwise the police will approach us and will definitely ask so many questions. Oh god, no. Also, what is wrong with this lady? She follows this country's laws too much. It's not good anymore.

"Fuck you!" Melissa shouts at her. Holy crap. "Fuck this shit!"

I widen my eyes in surprise then mutter at her, "Oh my god. Melissa, don't speak to her like that. She's an old woman. We should respect her even if she's being a bitch, okay?"

Melissa rolls her eyes, obviously not caring.

"Teenagers today have no respect to their elders," the woman says in a sad voice.

"I'm not a teenager, lady!" Melissa spats at her, crossing her arms in annoyance and rolling her eyes. "I'm not a freaking teenager! Oh god, people are so dumb to determine!" She turns to me, "Do I look like a teenager to you, Santiago?"

I shake my head.

"If you're not a teenager, then why are you still in school? Huh?" The lady argues. "You're lying to me! You two are lying to me! You are not in school! Admit it! You don't need this poop for a project! Tell me the truth now!"

"Oh, my god." I sigh deeply. "We are in school. We are in high school," I start arguing with her. "This girl..." I say pointing Melissa, "... is in high school. She's just... she uh... she's... she keeps flunking. That's why she's too old for high school. But me, I'm 17, junior." I let out a fake laugh. "Wooo."

Silence and the unpleasant smell of poop fill the atmosphere. The lady is probably considering giving it to us. "Are you two... together?" she says reluctantly.

I nod while Melissa continues to frown.

And finally, "I can't give it to you." She shakes her head annoyingly. "I can't. Sorry."

"Look," I say. "If this has something to do with our sexual orientation---"

"Oh no, not at all," she replies right away. "It's just that you people eat so many things. I was wondering what you'd do with this poop."

"I'm s-sorry?" We eat so many things? What things?

"You eat..." she shakes her head again. "Nope, nope, nope, nope."

"Wha--- You're unbelievable," I scratch my head. "You are unbelievable, OLD lady." I face my hot girlfriend, "Melissa, this woman is unbelievable."

All I can think of is, how am I gonna seek revenge if this unbelievably stubborn woman won't give us her dog's poop? Well, I guess, if someone throws a stone at you, hit them back with a soft, yummy bread. Maybe, I am not meant to throw stones at people. I'm just really nice though.

"Let's just go home, Melissa."

"No, no, no, no," Melissa yells and pulls out a plastic bag out of her pocket and shoves her hands into a pair of rubber gloves.

The old woman looks confused, "What are you doing?"

Melissa does not answer, she just bends down and collects the poop slowly.

"Oh my god!!!" the lady shouts, getting everyone's attention, including the police standing a few meters away from us. "That's mine! Stop it! Stop doing that!"

Melissa stands straight, collecting all the poop she needed. "Run," she mutters to me.

"Oh, my god!!! Help! Help!" the old lady is screaming like crazy, making the police eye us like we're criminals.

"The police, the police," I panic. "He's staring at us! He's walking toward us now. Oh my god, Melissa, I don't wanna go to juvie!"

"Run! Run! Run!" and we run as fast as we can.

"Help!!!" The crazy woman continues to scream. "Help! Police! Police! The lesbians stole my poop!!! Help! They stole my poop! Help!"