The Suicide Sadie Story part 2

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A few weeks have slowly drug itself by and ritual was to always see my mother for hours on end, talking with her, making sure she was taken care of, "hello mother!" I smiled as she smiled back, "hello my sweet child, how are you doing today?" "I'm always missing you.." My face deepened and put brand new fresh bought daisies in a flower vase, every week I would buy her new ones bringing a smile on her face, always made me feel like I was doing at least something right for her in this time of need. "I'm so frightened for you.." I speak while pulling up a chair next to her bedside and held her hand in mine, she looks at me, smiles and touches her hand on my face as the tears drip against her fingertips, "my dear Sadie if it is my time to go then I must, you mustn't fear for me leaving..You are a very strong young woman and I know you can do great things in this world, but I will always...." She pulls my drooping face to stop looking at our intertwined hands, but at her face, which held a smile, "always be there for you no matter what happens, okay?" "O-okay...I love you mom.." "I love you too, Sadie" we shared these special moments every day for the next few weeks and it made me realize how much I truly did need her, how much I wouldn't be the same without her always giving me strength to make it through every day. "How's your father doing? I hope he's alright, I know he can't handle bad news too well.." She spoke worried about her partner, "I haven't seen much of dad lately..He's been working late and he's been starting to mess up the house like this morning his clothes were all over the hallway upstairs..But I'm sure he's just been too tired" I respond as she nods as silence for a moment was covered by her heart rate monitor. In an instant it rushed rapidly as her body trembled and underwent a seizure, I panicked and grabbed some nurses from right outside her door as they rushed her bed quickly to the ER as my body fell back into the chair I was sitting in, crying, crying heavily with my hands catching my tears as they slip through the cracks, it was scary to watch her like this and I left for home, walking naturally since father yet again was working late tonight, I cried myself to sleep once more..
Another long and dreadful week passed my life by and it was soon to be a month exactly when the doctor foretold us that she wouldn't make it past that and today marked a month so naturally I went to visit my mother again. I knocked on the door as I walked in, I remember it like yesterday, I got off of school since it was back in session..I was wearing my tan sweater vest, white button up shirt, a plaid multicolored pleated skirt with a red ribbon matching my look, black buckle shoes and long white knee socks to pull it off. It was raining today, so I had my red umbrella with a cute charm Mary bought for me from a local Japanese store that hung from the support rims inside so it dangled when opened. Mother looked..Ill more so than yesterday when I saw her, sitting in the chair I normally do and like always holding her hand in mine, it "Hello mother...How are you today?" I asked as she looked at me with slowly dying eyes and smiled, "never better.." Her voice was raspy like some object dragging it against sheet metal, it made my body cringe, but also drowned my emotions with concern, "your heart rate is pretty low today.." I look over at the monitor as the beeps slowly move across the board as rain clouds the silence with drops tapping at the window, but she didn't speak, she was too weak to even really do anything so I continued the conversation, "now that I see it..The most memorable moments in my life..Was when it was always raining or snowing..If the memory was good or bad, it always followed me wherever I went in life.." I spoke softly as my head moved for a slight moment to the beaten window as the sky lights up once as if it was answering to my statement and quickly I turn back to mother. "I don't want the doctor to be right, I want you to stick around...But I know you're hurting deep down inside..I love you so much mom..You will always be my mother, no one will ever replace that.." Rubbing her hand in mine like last week with the seizure incident, it did the opposite; beeeeeeeep! It makes a long ringing in my ears as her hand slowly drops away from mine and my eyes react naturally as tears rushed out saving her hand from falling she became cold, I screamed as the nurses rushed in only to find my mother had fallen and I was there to witness it all. The nurses knew they couldn't save her alone because of the condition, but they tried with some defibrillators, giving her oxygen, nothing worked as I let her hand slip away as a large chunk of my soul went with it..She was gone, after all this time..She left me here and there was nothing I could do about it..I sat there while the nurses pulled a white sheet over her body and let me grieve for a little while longer before I was escorted out of the building almost to midnight, several hours flew by but it felt like time had froze being in her presence. "We have contacted your father and he knows about the situation, he is leaving his job to come see your mother and will be home afterwards, we're sorry.." I was speechless and my throat was torn since my lungs were screaming out what little voice I had, so simply just nodding and opening my umbrella I began my walk home in the pouring rain. The whole time I thought about her life just leaving so soon and so quickly without my knowing, little did I know something inside of me changed and in my father but not for the better what she wanted from us.
That night when I finally got in the front door after a good 10 mile walk, opening it to find nothing but silence, black, and without a heart, "I can't believe it..." My eyes stood wide as I felt dead inside as if my soul was pulled right out of my still beaten chest, "I can't live without her..." Making a dash for the kitchen I grab her special chef's knife that was passed down on her side for generations, it was a little reminder of how she loved to cook and I took it with me to my room. I changed into my elegant orange night dress with see through mesh around my collar and some danced around my waist, "it won't be the same without you! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO, WHY?! You were my everything, my life when there was none, my courage when I was weak, my mother..." I wanted to kill myself that night and to be honest, I should've, instead I grasped the knife and cut two nice sized gashes in each wrist to see if I bled out. Falling to my knees crying while the crimson drips down on my thighs and the wooden floor, creating a small pool surrounding me, I cried, but the sensation of pain was helping and thus I surrendered myself into depression and mental insanity, it must be kept secret to everyone even my father. As I sat there for a few minutes until my wounds coagulated I cleaned up the aftermath with an old rag that was for removing make up that lied on my desk, tossing it in my closet so no one would notice I soon fell on the bed crying to myself, holding my wrists and contorting my body into a ball as I fell asleep. I awoke the next morning, luckily it was a weekend so I didn't have to worry about school so I threw on my big sized gray sweatshirt and slowly tumbled down the flight of steps to find that something happened last night..There was broken glass all over the floor, a family portrait hanging on the wall looked punched in, "father........" I slowly spoke only to notice that his car was gone, "work again I presume.." I shook my head and got a cup of hot tea from the kettle resting upon the stove top as I stood there in silence, drinking and having a flashback to where we would all have breakfast and be greeted by a smiling mother, wife, beautiful person; now shedding tears, "m-mother...I can't believe this.." Wiping my face with the sleeves I drag my feet upstairs and head into the bathroom, it was a small but a good enough size for two people to fit if you even really needed to have two people in there at the same time anyway, but I turned on the hot water and undressed myself while taking more sips of my tea as the bath was filling up with hot water, stepping in slowly it burned against my skin, I loved it, I quickly sank in and gazed at my slit wrists, why did I do it? I failed at killing myself; however, it felt like satisfaction like it could take away my pain and that's when I decided every night I will slice up both arms once every week to ease the pain, call me a freak, how ironic, even call me stupid but it's what I wanted to do at that point in time. For the rest of the day I just moped around, watching cartoons on the television in the living room, whatever I could to pass the dreadful day that I wished never came or I wished that I never woke up to greet it. The clock turned to eight as I heard a car pull into our driveway looking out the window to spot my father, he appeared as if he got into some sort of gang fight and was stumbling, I opened to the door for him as he looks at me, "thanks...Kiddo" his hand messed my hair up as I lock the door, "I haven't seen you in a while......How are you?" I spoke, "I've been hammered at work..And about your mother...It's been killing me.." I follow him into the kitchen where he pours himself a cold glass of scotch on the rocks and takes a seat on one of the bar stools while my body hunches over the counter tops while we exchange glances. "I'll be coming home earlier from now on since I finally got all of this stressful work out of my way so you won't be alone, okay?" I nodded, it was just us two against the world now and all we had was each other, "well..I'm going to get some sleep dad..I have to attend school in the morning.." I gave him a tight hug while he returned and kissed my forehead, "G'night kiddo..." He polished off his drink and without hesitation poured another one when I walked away, I heard tears echoing off the kitchen walls and that ended our night for it was the last normal conversation we would ever share.
Going back to school was hard, I mean...Almost seems impossible. Mary greeted me at the end of my driveway as I kept my mouth shut about what happened, she asked me how my mother was and remained silent I think she knew what occurred and just kept her mouth shut while we caught the bus at the end of our main road. The day rolled without me noticing as I kept bundled in my gray sweatshirt to avoid any staff noticing my cuts, just thinking about my mother and how my father started drinking so easily last night when he never really drank before..I had somewhat of a bad feeling about all of this, but I never thought too heavily into it. Before I knew it the school day was over and Mary met me at the exit I told her she should take the bus and I'll talk with her later, she wanted to stick with me, "Sadie..Is everything okay?" "YES EVERYTHING'S FINE! JUST GO ALREADY!" I cried while she leapt backwards, "o- ok if you say so...See you later then..." And for the first time I yelled at her and it grew with remorse that my actions hurt her..I never intended on doing that, but she kept pressing the matter on if I was alright, no....I'm not so sure. Mary got on the bus soon as they drove off I began walking alone it was raining earlier, but luckily it came to a halt otherwise my clothes and myself would've been soaked since I left my umbrella by the front door. I sighed as one foot chased the other, pulling up my gray knit scarf to cover my nose and mouth the silence was bliss for me as my mind fought with my emotions, "you'll be alright remember what your mother said!" "PSHHH, you, alright? Give it a rest you know you're falling apart just admit it already!" "NO! I'll be fine, I'll be good, I'll be......Good...." "See? Give in, just let me lead you out of this! She's gone, why not join her in those pearly gates? A cut a day keeps the depression away! keheeeeeeeeee!" I laughed under my breath, but crying at the same time, I truly had lost my head and even my emotions fell in.
It's been a few hours since I made it home, the time was dawning 8o' clock as I heard father pulling into the driveway as his tires screeched and his body forced through the doorway, "S-SADIE!! COME HERE!!" My head perked up and stepped out of my room slowly, "y-yes dad? What's wrong?" He huffed up the stairs with stomps on each individual step as his palm met my face, knocking me down to the floor as my hair covered my face which now bore tears down then, "YOU FUCKING BITCH!!" He hiccupped, he was intoxicated I have never seen a side of him like this before..It was frightening! "W- WHY?!" I cried as he picked me up and threw me back down as my spine met the wood floor, I gasped for breath as I lay there, "y-you're just like her! YOU L-LOOK JUST L-LIKE HER!! MARIEEE!!" He was yelling and causing a commotion above me, my eyes widened in awe as I tried crawling away, he whipped out the leather belt he wore every day that mother made for him, taking hold of my leg and dragging me back, he lashed me over and over against my spine, I screamed and screamed, pleading for him to stop but he stayed with his actions. After a moment he gave up due to lack of energy and walked away, "you w-worthless bitch, " he muttered down the stairs to sit in front of the television and I'm sure to take another drink while I simply rested against the floor, tears staining my skin as I move one hand to pull my beaten body into my room and quietly shut the door behind me, "w.....Why" I choked out of breath from screaming for death to come and take me away. To end that night my mother's knife touched my arms once again, my life is falling apart.. A few more days moved away as my body was getting a beating almost on a daily and it ruined me further, my sides, my spine, my stomach wore black and purple patches where contact was the most painful while I checked myself out in my vanity, I've become skittish, silent and submissive. When school was in session Mary and I would barely talk anymore, not after that incident when I yelled at her, I had pushed her away and it was truly just myself now and no one else. She would come up to me every now and again, but barely spoke anything, "I'm concerned about you Sadie...If you need a friend you know where to find me.." I blinked my eyes and she was gone..Once I got home, I stared and waited for him to come home drunk again and beat me silly to get self gratification while I cried and even slightly bled on the floor. As time repeats itself, I found myself sore, bruised and he even cried with me, but for different reasons, leaving me on the kitchen floor this time he grabbed his drink and left to his quarters, "I can't....Do this anymore...There must be a way out of this..." I screamed and whimpered as my body forced me to stay on the tile for almost an hour before allowing me to weakly move myself to my room; shutting the door behind me. I was tired of all the beatings, tired of all the pain, tired of all this drastic change in my life ever since she's been gone, she told me it would be better...Well, that was a bunch of bullshit! The house was a mess, clothes everywhere, it looked like a bomb crashed and imploded within the home walls and not even food for us to eat, I ended up not eating for a day or two until he'd leave leftover food after which I would then scavenge after his stomach distended. Father would be ruining almost every object he can get his drunken hands on, he even tried to hit me with a vase mother hand painted to hold her flowers in; I'm not safe anymore..I rarely sleep, how much longer can I take this?
I counted six gashes on each arm today, is this what I have been driven to? I haven't been to school in about a week, the staff called our house almost seventeen times, but not once did I feel the need to call back, I was done with education, everything I once loved or gave a shit about was swallowed by my depression and helplessness.. Little did I know this was the day that I die, the time I gave myself the courage to end it all and I was driven by something crude, it began once he stepped through the door, drunk, enraged and I was slipping into my white night shirt, quickly I hid in high hopes he doesn't notice that I'm home. "S-SADIE! C-COME GET MY JACKET!!" He screams and stumbles around looking for me in every room downstairs, every place that I can fit myself into and finally threw in the towel and moved back to the living room with a new drink in hand. I sighed in relief as I drew myself from underneath my bed, "that was a close call...." My throat was sore and I needed a drink, I slipped quietly down the stairs and tiptoed into the kitchen once I grasped a cup from the cabinet I shut and it slammed against the base as his head quickly turned to face me in rage, "shit..." I uttered under my tone as he stormed at me, I tried to run, but his hand yanked mine reeling me in like a fish caught on a hook, "well, well, well Sadie dear, why did you hide from me? You know it's not wise to do such things when you know I will find you or you'll slip up like just now and fall into my clutches like a fly caught in a Venus fly trap!" He was being a smart drunk for a change, but ended up throwing my body into the countertop siding, instantly losing my breath; gasping for air as I fall, dropping the glass beside me, it shattered and I saw a shard, slicing through one of his pant legs to breach his skin as proof showed blood flow down his shoe and onto the ground, that was the worst thing I could have done, tried to protect myself.. He changed from already mad to furious, screaming he picks my body up by my throat and slams me down against the counter actually throwing punches instead of the belt, spitting up blood I cried and begged for forgiveness, but he kept on persisting; death felt so close I could almost hold his hand but it was just my imagination of the vast amount of pain I was in. "You don't deserve life, it should have been you than Marie! MY WIFE, MY LIFE!! You are just nothing but a hindrance and a reminder of her every day!" He was yelling in my face as I lay there crying, coughing up blood, then the words hit me like a ton of bricks, "I NEVER LOVED YOU, YOU ARE NOT MY CHILD!!" There it was, what drove me over the edge as he walked away and thrashed around the house while with what little energy I had left I managed to make it back to my room. "I'm not his child, he n-never loved me, this is all just a dream..Right?!" I lay my hands upon the vanity as my head struggled to pick up my torn face, my torn heart, my torn soul and I knew it was time to let go, let go of all this pain and suffering, all of this was begging me to go to end my life and stop wasting time!
I yelled, "WHAT ARE YOU?! WHAT AM I?! I'M SADIE MARIE BENNETT AND MY LIFE IS A PIECE OF LIVING SHIT!!" Why was I yelling at my reflection? I have really gone off my rocker, but it didn't interest me in any way shape or form. I gripped my mother's chef knife right beside me as it rested against the vanity like death was laying a stepping stone pathway for me and was watching with high amusement. My body began to tremble, but I steadied myself cause it was time to quit beating around the bush and get this show on the road, I laughed and cried simultaneously while my hair got in my way of everything, tilting my head I pushed it aside as the other hand was still gripping the knife tightly, "am I really ready to do this? Why shouldn't I just end it?" I just failed every other time, the cutting was pointless and getting nowhere, I needed a better alternative and this called to me like crystal. I smiled, "no more pain, no more suffering! No more getting told I'm worthless and useless!" I motioned the knife towards my neck, but I slipped up as the knife drug against my left eyeball as it bursts and fluid sprits all over me with it slicing my skin on the way out. I sank to the ground with the knife, screaming, yelling and thrashing side to side, "FUCK, FUCK, IT HURTS SO MUCH!! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!!" I can't believe it, but this made sure I was to end my life, I cannot live with what I just accomplished. I killed myself and in three swift motions I picked up the knife, positioned it against my neck and then quickly sliced my jugular; body froze, the knife dropped as my mouth drooped, blood escaped from the rims of my quickly turning purpled lips while my neck splashes up crimson liquid as it stained everything and ruining most of my belongings in the room while my body violently jerked for a few seconds and it was done, the life drained out of me within an instant..I thought I was finally free.
Where did my soul go? Was I aiming towards Heaven? Or Hell? Oh no, I wasn't going anywhere..A few minutes later as some sort of ectoplasmic being of myself pried from my corpse I was reborn, but not exactly how I'd like it to be; looking down at my body I panicked slightly and took a good look at my new self, I was no longer in a solid state like before it was kind of exciting but at the same time I was scared shitless of what I had become, "w-what....What is this?!" I talked, but it came out in somewhat of a distorted tone like I was shouting from a cave as my voice trailed itself. "Why am I still on Earth? This makes no logical sense to me...My body is there, but I am here, obviously I'm a soul..A fictional being? No...No.." I hovered over the ground, maybe a few feet and slowly moved around the room to get a feel for myself, trying to grab the doorknob to the hallway from my room slipped like butter out of my hands as it went literally through the door, I yelped but everything was fine, grinning and then pushed myself through into the hallway. I was still bleeding out my still lifeless body which was set above the front room where my father was residing and to his surprise a drop of blood dripped onto his face, he felt and rubbed his fingers together to feel that it wasn't just water; running upstairs he roared, "SADIE?! WHAT THE FU-" he shuddered as his breath was visible, and walked right past me but he was too intoxicated to care, swinging the door open violently he dropped his drink as the glass shattered and took a good glance at my deceased body, he shed a single tear in remorse but shook it off and called 911 for the police to report the suicide. Hovering around him, waving my hands and making stupid faces, yet he saw nothing, "maybe...The reason he can't see me is that I don't want him to.." She took a moment in silence while her body formed slightly, his eyes began to widen, he jumped back in panic at his daughter was floating right in front of him, "S-SADIE!?" He screams as I laugh, "WELL WELL WELL DEAR FATHER LOOKS LIKE THE TABLES HAVE TURNED!!" I cackled and crossed my arms, "I can feel your soul, it's shivering with fear, like you've maybe....Seen a ghost?" I giggle as he was in shock, "tsk tsk, no need to fear me, oh wait, you should!" I close my eyes and slowly morph my body into his; struggling to keep me out I pushed in further, "stop, you'll simply make it more enjoyable for me to slaughter you!" I chuckle as my hands wrap around his heart and tug, I was sucked into his frame and I had control, for one time in my life I felt like nothing could stop me, a reformed me! I had a purpose, a plan, to get my revenge! "Oh, look at me! I'm a drunk who abuses my daughter because she's the spitting image of her mother who I love more than her!" I used his voice box to project my feelings and picking up the knife I committed suicide with as I use his body like a puppet waving his arm around with the knife like a limp noodle, laughing the whole while, "now, it's time to do what I did to myself, you will endure my pain, my suffering, what you did to me was wrong and I won't let you hurt anyone ever again!" I shouted loudly as his voice replaced my sentence and quickly I slid the knife into his throat stabbing him over and over again like a voodoo doll, "AHAHAA!! HOW DOES IT FEEEEEEEL FATHER?! GOOOD!?!?! IT DOES TO MEE!!" I yelled as his body jerked around and fell to the floor as blood decorated another portion of the house while my being slips out and hovers around him, "awww poor daddy! This is what you made, a new me!" I spoke with confidence and then it hit me, "I know why I was born like this! People just like you. People who abuse their children and making them suffer for your own gratitude...That's all about to change. I have a purpose now and I can't help but thank you father, for doing those things to me for causing me to stop my life...I am better than I was, mother was right!" I grinned as sirens reached the house, "well, looks like the cops are a little too late huh dad? Oh well!" Laughing as my body floats through the home I once knew, the old life that I had, leaving all those pains behind and made my own self strength through my mother's words.
So my advice, when you have a family of your own, treat your kids with respect because if you don't I'm sure we'll be real good friends..

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