There Goes My Life *larry mpreg* [au]

Thirty

Louis is getting separation anxiety from Joshua and he hasn't even left yet. Joshua is literally in his arms. His lips are pressed to Josh's forehead and he has this feeling in the pit of his stomach that he needs to be closer to him.

"Is Josh okay?"

Louis looks up to see Harry leaning in the doorway, eyes tired with a sleepy smile plastered on his face. Louis just smiles sweetly and holds his arm out to Harry. He wants both of his boys in his arms.

Harry walks over and wraps his arms around Louis' waist, nuzzling his nose into Louis' chest and smiling wearily at Joshua. "Hi, J," Harry whispers. Josh just yawns. "Think it's time for another nap, Lou."

"I wouldn't even put a tenner on it," Louis mumbles, slowly placing Joshua in the cot next to Harry's side of the bed. They alternate a lot of the time, Josh's cot is super easy to move around. Most nights he's on Harry's side, but sometimes Louis likes to take him. Once he switched the cot to his side in the middle of the night, resulting in Harry waking up and being on the edge of a panic attack when Josh wasn't next to him.

"You sure you'll be okay with him while I'm gone?" Louis asks softly, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Harry's temple lightly.

"I think I'll be okay," Harry fiddles with the bottom of his sweater and bites his bottom lip. "I mean, it's only for a few hours."

Harry doesn't seem as confident as he had the days before. Louis frowns, reaching up and putting his hand against Harry's cheek. "I definitely don't have to go," He assures. Harry's eyes become wide.

"You have to!" He argues, looking devastated and guilty at the thought of Louis skipping out on graduation. Louis' frown deepens. What is up with him?

"Okay, okay," Louis soothes, patient as always as Harry looks down at his socks. "Remember to call my mum if you need anything, yeah?" Harry nods. Louis leans his forehead against Harry's. "Hey, I'm proud of you, H."

"Thanks, Lou," Harry whispers, giving Louis a tired smile.

♛

Harry exhales slowly, holding Joshua to his chest as he sits down on the bed. He kisses the top of Josh's head gently, as if he'd break him if he kissed him too hard.

There's a tight feeling in his chest as he looks down at Josh being held by his hands. He's not good enough to hold this perfect little human, he knows that. Harry's heart pounds as he leans against his pillow, shifting Josh so he's cradling him in both arms.

Josh's eyes flutter open, squinting up at Harry with his bright blue eyes. Harry hopes they stay blue, he wants him to have Louis' eyes. He loves how Josh already has so many of Louis' features.

The laptop is on the livestream of their school's graduation. Harry wanted to at least watch Louis and all of his friends graduate. Josh let's out a little snuffling noise and Harry's grip on him tightens. Is he doing something wrong? Is Josh uncomfortable with him? The feeling in Harry's chest worsens.

For the past few days he's been feeling very down, he doesn't now what it is. He just feels worthless in the sense that he isn't doing anything for Josh, isn't being a good mother, but he just can't seem to get the hang of it.

Harry's eyes fill with tears as Joshua closes his eyes again. He wants Louis here to help him, because something in his mind is telling him that Josh doesn't like him. Which is ridiculous, he's, like, a week old, but Harry can't shake the thought from his head.

The ceremony starts, and Harry exhales shakily before looking up at the screen. "Let's watch Daddy," Harry says softly, sheepishly brushing Josh's little wisps of hair back.