How to change a life; chapter 18

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Chapter Eighteen

The final curtain call

Over the next few days I was holding my breath; like I had been pulled underwater and I was waiting for the initial shock of not having any air around me to disappear. Even though I had denied treatment I'd never thought I was actually going to die. A part of me had thought that I had been so lucky up until now, so why should that luck run out?

Harry lay beside me, sleeping and looking as incredible as ever. I had hurt him badly and I wished I could be better for him. Rayleigh Fabre was sinking away to nothing and there was nothing anyone could do. "Rayleigh." Harry mumbled but he turned back over and sighed.

I smiled and brought myself closer to him. 'I love you' I thought as I stared up at him. His lips pulled up into a slight smile, making me wonder I had said it out loud, but I hadn't. He was having a nice dream.

My life has always been a constant battle and in a way a constant burden to everyone else. I had tried my best for Jess and Chase to be normal and do crazy things, but it could only work to a certain extent. I was always going to tire easy or have crazy mood swings from all the medication I was testing.

My mom and Ella stopped by later that morning and I was anxious of what she would say about Harry staying in the house, but she kept her mouth shut and thanked him for looking after me. Mother and I have never really had a very good relationship, I guess before I forgot to mention the fact that Ella and I were almost taken off her on countless occasions by social services. There was a time when they found dad and her incapable of looking after us. That's how Ella and I became so close, sort of like a daughter I wished that I could have had. Later on in my life of course... with Harry.

Mom brought an old scrap book with her and we looked at old photographs and even cried. There was a deceased section of grandparents and aunts and uncles. I hoped that she wouldn't put my photograph in there, it was seriously depressing. Plus I didn't want to be put in there with all those old people! Gross!

Harry smiled and watched us for most of the day before saying at dinner how much my mom and I were alike. And you know for the first time, I was ok with that. Mom had just had some hard times like me and it wasn't that she didn't love me, I guess she just loved herself more as much as she would deny it.

"So where are we going?" I asked Harry as we drove along the street, passing waving neighbours as we went. Ones who had heard the 'terrible news'. They had known about this for years, so why pick now to obsess over it?

"You'll see."

We stopped at a large cornfield I had never seen before. It was incredible, the sun was about to set and so it made the sky glow a golden color. Most impressively though, there was a man with horses standing there. Harry wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me toward the large brown horses. "I wanted us to do the things you wanted; remember horseback riding in Montana? Sorry I couldn't book tickets so soon, but-"

I put my finger to his lips. "Shut up, will ya? This is amazing I cant believe you did this."

The man handed Harry the reigns and turned and smiled at me. "Enjoy."

Embarrassingly I had to be helped up onto it by it. My ass no doubt all up in the poor man's face. Harry chuckled and trotted his horse up beside mine. "We're just going to ride them around the field?" I asked.

"Nope." he smirked and kicked the horse to begin running and I followed after him, laughing and 'whooping' as I went. I had never felt like that ever in my life. So free, loved and... whole. I was complete in myself, like something had changed. There was more than one thing, obviously, but this... I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

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