I did this one by myself. I'm kinda in that 'angsty twelve year old mood' Rn so don't blame me.
This is pretty angsty, and doesn't involve James until the very end. Sorry in advance.
(Warning:Suicide)
(Thomas POV)
I can't go on.
Thomas knew this as soon as he woke up the next day. He thought of it the night before, but passed out before he could process the thought.
Jemmy broke up with him just a day ago, after a recent fight. Well, practically their only fight. They've had some petty little fights here and there, usually resolving with some extra snuggles to the person feeling grumpy. But this...... this fight was different.
They had just came back from a nightclub, after James saw a girl kissing Thomas. And supposedly, in James point of view, it looked like Thomas liked it. Thomas shoved the girl off as James approached the two. James stormed out, Thomas quickly ran out after him. James sped off in their car without him, leaving Thomas behind before he came back in an Uber.
"You bastard!" James screeched.
"James......" Thomas reached out to comfort him as he stepped through the door.
"Don't you 'James' me! You cheater! You never even loved me, didn't you?! You probably love her LOTS more than me!"
"I love you! She didn't mean anything! She kissed me, I forced her off of me! I would never do that to you!" Thomas said, tears in his eyes.
"You kissed her back! I saw you..... you liked it!" James slammed his fists on the table.
"No I didn't! I swear!" Thomas pleaded.
"You did! And you never did that with me! You kissed her desperately! You loved her more!" James glared at him accusingly.
It went on like this for a while, it was mostly Thomas begging for forgiveness, even if he didn't commit the act. Until James had enough of it.
"YOU KNOW WHAT! WE ARE DONE!"
James grabbed his coat and shoes and raced to the door. Once he was finally there he slammed it.
Thomas hit the floor as soon as the door was slammed. He dreamt of James breaking up with him time and time again, every time it was with greater circumstances on the line.
He always was the one left the most heartbroken. He never was the one to untie the knots already made.
He woke up, a confused and terrified mess on the floor, just around 2:00 a.m.
As soon as he stood up, memories rushed back to his brain, and then he felt a sharp pain in his head. He stumbled over onto a chair.
Every time he breathed he felt words flood into his brain.
"Worthless"
"Stupid"
"Slut"
"Just go die already."
"Not worth it."
"Horrible."
His only lifeline was James. He kept him sturdy, ready for the world. Now that lifeline snapped, and he has fallen back right into the ocean.
Thomas felt tears uprising as he fell off the chair and onto the floor. He sobbed violently onto the floor. Why him? Why did this have to happen?
He couldn't breathe
He couldn't see
He couldn't think
Everything was a mess. He barely registered himself going into the bathroom. He grabbed his cutting razor, which James thought he through it away for good, but he kept it.
One part of his mind told him to stop, but his mind was clouded over by all of the wrong things he did to James. He thought he wasn't good enough for the world.
He subconsciously made a decision. To end his life. He wrote a note as his last declaration to the world.
It read as follows;
'I submit to my darkest side. I shall be punished for all I have done wrong to everyone by forcing death upon myself. James.... if you are the first one to read this, know that I am deeply sorry. I did not kiss her. I love you more than I love myself. I cant bare to be in a world where you hate me.
I will always love you.
Thomas
He placed the note on the front of the door before walking slowly to the bathroom.
(Triggering)
One cut- Worthless
Two cuts- Waste of Space
Three cuts- Disgusting
Four cuts- Disgrace
Five cuts- Slut
Six cuts- Stupid
Seven cuts- Not Worth It
A some points he blacked out for a little, just before jumping right back in.
Fourth sixth- Last cut.... for being a horrible lover to James.
His eyes fluttered closed, breathing his last breath into the air. He said this as his last breath was made. "I love you James."
YOU ARE READING
Hamilton Oneshots
FanfictionOOOOOOOH YEAH BOI BACK At it AGAIN AYEEEE Yeah so I will write in this book a lot. Requests/Suggestions are welcome! Also suggestions on how to improve my writing will be greatly appreciated!
