Chapter 38

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Some parts in this chapter talk about wolf shifting, and the ability to communicate with your inner wolf. Some information may be different than other werewolf stories you may have read, but I made my wolves how it worked for the story.

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Before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm kissing her back, my wolf's voice flooding through my ears as he babbles on about his mate.

I try to ignore him, but it's impossible, and the more he talks, the more my sense of reality comes back to me.

In a spilt second, I tear my lips away from Allie's, leaping across my room and pressing myself into a corner, as far away from her scent as I can get. I'm practically holding my breath.

Allie stares at me, her eyes going wide once she realizes what she's done. I watch as red floods her normally pale cheeks, and she ducks her head to try and hide it.

I want to go and comfort her, tell her that she shouldn't be upset, but I just don't trust myself right now. Or more specifically, I don't  trust my wolf to let me stay in control.

'Go back to mate,' he whimpers loudly in my head. 'I want mate,'

I ignore him as best as I can.

I'm about to say something when Allie cuts me off with a sniffle. She sounds like she's about to cry, and just the though of her being upset makes my entire body tense.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, still looking down. "I just thought-"

"No," I cut her off almost a little too harshly. "Don't be sorry. You have no reason to be,"

Hesitantly, she raises her head to look in my eyes. "Then why did you jump away from me so fast?" Her brow furrows. "I don't understand..."

I sigh, and for a brief moment, I let my eyes close. But I open them not even a second later, not wanting to leave Allie hanging this way.

"Baby," I breathe, trying to use the nickname she likes to show her I'm not that upset. At least not with her. "You didn't do anything," I assure her. "It was just... Me- I'm not ready yet,"

Her forehead wrinkles in confusion, and I watch as a singe eyebrow raises. "I still don't understand,"

I run both hands through my hair. I feel like its thinning, just from me pulling on it so much. How do I explain what I'm feeling to her?

"This is difficult," I murmur under my breath. Allie doesn't seem to hear it. "Baby," I say louder. "I know that you know we're mates, right?"

She nods, her brow still slightly rose.

"Okay. And your wolf, she likes me, doesn't she?" I don't know how much Allie can actually hear her wolf yet since she hasn't shifted, but I could hear mine's emotions before I phased, and Allie should be able to as well.

"Yes," Allie sighs, exasperated. "Its all I hear in my head. She doesn't use actual words, but whenever I'm around you she goes all crazy,"

I can't help but let a small smile break across my face. My wolf flips out in happiness in my head. He's ecstatic that Allie's wolf feels like he does.

"She likes me because we're mates," I explain. "And although your wolf and even you might be ready to expand our relationship, I'm not. I will be at some point, but I don't think I can right now,"
With each word I utter to my mate, I feel a piece of my heart break off. In all honesty, I want to kiss Allie, and hold her, and tell her how much I'll always love her. I want to be able to be by her side all the time, and make sure she has everything she could ever want or need.

But I can't now. I just can't.

"Why?" Allie whispers, shifting on my bed to try and come closer to me. I instinctively flinch back, and I catch a flash of hurt shine through my mates perfectly clear blue eyes. It hurts me more than her, I'm sure.

"Allie, baby," I sigh. "I want the same things you do, believe me on that. But my wolf... And maybe even me... I don't trust myself right now. I don't trust myself to be careful around you in that kind of way,"

She slowly stands up, making her way to me again. I try and move back again, but there's no place for me to go. I'm already presses against the wall.

"But why can't you kiss me? Can't you at least do that?"

I shake my head immediately. "No, I can't. I won't be able to stop once I start, and I know you're not ready to be fully mated. You may think you are, but I know you aren't, baby,"

"Are you?" she questions.

"In... Some ways. I'm ready to be fully mated, but I'm not ready to have pups. And I have Alpha's blood in me, so you'll have a higher pregnancy chance that other she wolves will,"

Allie sighs and through herself back against my bed. "That's... Irritating,"

I scoff. "You think,"

Despite herself, a laugh breaks out through her lips and I can't help but join her. The situation isn't very funny, but I Allie's laugh is so contagious, it's impossible not to laugh along with her.

Silencing my wolf and pushing him to the back of my mind, I walk over to Allie slowly, sinking down onto my bed and reaching out to hold her.

She understands my intention as soon as I make it clear, and she climbs over to me, leaning her body against my chest while I keep my arms secure around her. She sighs.

"I feel like I could fall asleep like this," she murmurs. "I'm very tired,"

I chuckle lowly, pressing my cheek into her hair.

We must sit like that for several minutes, a bubble of calm seeming to surround us.

But all too soon, that bubble pops when John runs into my room.

"Kaden," He's out of breath. "Luna Allie's mother is on the phone. She says she needs to talk to you,"

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Sorry this chapter is way over due! I meant to update, but I was busy, and I had slight writers block. But I will be updating tomorrow at some point for sure.

On a different note, this story is slowly coming to an end. I'm not 100% sure on how many chapters will be left, but it won't be a lot. I know how the story will play out from this point forward, and it should only take a few more chapters for it to end. It shouldn't be more than ten.

Anyway, please vote/comment! Love you all! :))

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