LXV

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Lahlani's P. O. V.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly as I had once again for the third time woken up with a start. I am starting to think I will never get any sleep and that the nightmares will never stop.

I look to the left of me and see Nathan laying towards me asleep. Now realizing that he is only in his boxers. But, last night or this morning pops into my head. And all my previous thoughts are pusher to the back of my mind.
Rolling my eyes I pull myself out of bed. Walking over to the twins crib.

To my surprise they are both wide awake with pacifiers in their mouthes. But when their eyes landing on me their faces lit up like a Christmas tree. Warming my heart just looking at them.

How close it is to Nathan leaving now I really wish he wouldn't have went out last nig-"

"Good morning." Nathan voice rings out and I suddenly feel his presence behind me before his arms warp around my waist making sigh. Wanting so badly to give in but again I mad at him.

So me being me I decided not to respond. Instead I pull out of his grip and make my way to the bathroom.

"Lahlani?"

"Lahlani, hello? Am I not talking?" Again I decide to ignore him.

"So your just going to give me the silent treatment? I am sorry that I can home so late last night...."
He continues but honestly I don't want to to talk to him I changed my mind. I am not in the mood for this. I am tired hungry and my boobs he can go somewhere else with that.
"Lahlani, come on. I'm sorry, I know last night I messed up. I made a mistake I shouldn't have came h-"

"Yes you did mess up. But, seriously how old are you? What responsibilities do you have? I get your young I'm young too, for godsake. But I remember the responsibilities I have to take-"

"You said you were fine with me going out last night. Why is it different now?"

"Because, it is different. Yes, I was fine with it. But 3:00 a.m. it was almost 4:00 when you got home so don't expect me to not be mad. Like I said you have responsibilities, we have responsibilities. We have not one but two babies. So before you think about staying out all night remember that you have kids to get home to. Your lucky I didn't make you sleep on the couch. I swear if you had woken up the twins you would've been.
You nearly scared me half to death when I heard you in the kitchen. If you want to talk about this any further we are going have to go somewhere else because I don't want to disturbed the twins. They are quite right now. I don't need this conversation making them upset...
And quit frankly you are making me upset too. So can we please talk about this later?" I continue on walking through the bathroom door with him close on my tracks.

Hearing the door shut behind me.
Not bring my eyes to his now in front of the mirror picking up my toothbrush.

"There now we are away from the twins. Can we talk now?" He asks but I don't bother giving him my attention as much as I wanted to. I began brushing my teeth finally looking up into the mirror.

"Fine, don't talk to me... But please just listen." He says before reaching into the medicine cabinet. Taking out out the aspirin before popping one into his mouth. Not bother to grab any water.

"I wasn't even planning on drinking in the first place. But, things sort of went off the rails when... The guys and I went by my buddy Jason's house you met him at the party. But while we were there I ran into my father-"

"Nathan, I never said I wasn't fine with you drinking that is perfectly okay with me. You deserved it I wanted to you go out and hang with your friends. But your father? I thought your father was dead." I say looking back up into the mirror as I finish rinsing out my mouth.

"No, Bella I am not lying. Yes I told you that my father was dead but that's because to me he is. He became dead to me the minute he left my mom and us. But, it turns out the man who I had thought was father my whole life... Isn't."

"Sorry Nathan I am not following. Are you saying that you ran into your real father?" I question finally turning around and looking into his eyes.

There was a moment of silence but it was cut short when he finally answered me.

"Yes... I am. And I know your probably wondering what that has to do with me getting shitfaced but-"

"No, Nathan I am not wondering that. I am wondering if you are okay. What happened?" Despite the fact that I am mad at him I can't help but to stop caring when it comes to things like this.

"The night we got engaged. Their was a knock at the door remember.... Well that knock was my real father. That night I found out of who my real dad is why he left everything. But when I ran into him last night he wanted to talk and I wasn't ready to.
He wants to do all these things with me and Alonzo and Mahlani. He even wants yo meet you but I am not ready. He thinks that him offering me the company he chose over me would make me forgive him.
Sure, this wasn't enough of a reason to get shitfaced but when h mention my ex-fiance and you I got angry. He just told me that he kept tabs on me my whole life. That I got so good and high positioned in the army with his recommendations. He basically said that I wouldn't have been where I am today without him as if it was okay. But, honestly I hate the man. I don't know how I can hate a man that I don't even know but I just do. So yes I got shitfaced. Yes, I know I came home late. And yes, I know I have responsibilities. But I needed a drink."
He finishes now with his forehead resting against mine.

"Nathan, I know that you are mad at you father but honestly I would kill to see my dad. To meet him. Know that he is alive. And for your dad to be dying I would be trying spend as much time as possible with him.
So, for me as long as your father a good man. Well than I am happy you can have that relationship with him.
And I a promise is a promise.... I know I told you that I would tell you about what happened when I went to go see my "shrink" but I'm sorry but I don't want help. And you know I don't like asking for help. Either it doesn't matter if I asked because she told me not to come back until I want the help.... Yes I know I'm sorry I should want to get better for you and our babies. But I just can't. I don't want to sit in that chair and talk to a complete stranger about my life until I know that non of it was my fault when I know it is. I don't want to talk about what happened to me. I am tired of explaining. Yes, I admit I want get better but I don't think talking about it is going to help me get any Better.
Last night when I heard you in the kitchen yes I did realise that I needed help because the minute I heard you I thought it... I thought you were David
And it nearly scared me half to death.
But the part that worries me is that I was worried it was him when I knew that he was locked up with no way out? And yet I feel sympathy towards him... Like he doesn't belong their and I admit I still do believe that it is all me fault. I want to believe that it was not but I cant help but to think it is as much I'd hate to say it.

The truth is.. I'm scared Nathan. I'm scared to death that when you leave he is going to come for me again. I am scared for our children's lives. And that this time he is going to finish what he started and just end my life...."

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