Beggining Of How I Survive

111 8 3

Trigger Warning

You smiled at him and looked into his eyes when he held your hand ,

My heart dropped to the ground only to be crumbled and turned into sand ,

When he stroked your cheek and got lost in the universe hidden in your eyes ,

My stomach flips and shrinks as my butterflies suffocate with cries ,

Your bodies become one as your lips touch his and his fingers with your hair they play,

My throat dries , my bloods on fire , my demons say the razor is just an arm length away,

My tears won't dry , my lungs won't breathe , my body screams for relief,

One slice , I cut it twice , suddenly they become three , I hope this is all a nasty dream ,

He held you hand , he kissed your lips , the blood won't stop coming out of my hips ,

I can't give up , not now not yet , not till you tell me leave ,

So I throw the razor in the bin , and hope to god you were wishing it was me not him .

Weeks pass and you tell me you're not together ,

I know because I'm the only one who can love you forever .

You tell me there's another man , he's tall and strong ,

But you and him didn't last for that long ,

All that time my throat shrunk tighter and my demons became darker ,

The one way I rested was crying myself to sleep ,

And even then my restlessness across my skin it would creep ,

Can this pain go away , I can't handle this anymore

I wish I'd take that step from the roof that will split my brain against the floor ,

Then you come along and wrap your body around mine ,

You say you want me to be yours and you kissed me as a sign ,

Since then I've been in temporary bliss ,

For heaven's sake that was an angelic kiss ,

Months pass by and the pain comes back ,

I see it , your love for me is starting to lack ,

My head spins , my blood against the sink I wash ,

Isn't this supposed to be some kind of temporary crush ?

I can feel you forgetting about us and our memories ,

At times I wish I didn't believe in all these love stories ,

I punch my fist against the wall , scenes pass by like a drum roll,

I can't see my reflection , my body is sore ,

My mum came screaming through the door ,

the lights are hazy , it's hard to inhale

I feel so in control yet so frail

I can hear screams from my brother

I can feel the hands of my father

This isn't the end of my eventful life

This is the beginning of how I survive .

ThoughtsRead this story for FREE!