Chapter Fifty-Eight» Lead Me On

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I woke up to the soft sounds of humming.

It started with a small buzz. Floating pass by my ears and eventually turning in to a humn. Which had been my greeting that morning.

The soft delicate sounds of rain pattering flowed through my ears; and despite having my eyes closed tightly. Almost as if they had been glued shut. I could still feel the embrace of the rain outlining delicately through the concrete. Showering all across the land.

Inhaling softly. My body now remained surprisingly warm. If possible, it almost felt like I was in a oven. Boiling with heat. Flickering my eyes open, I felt a warm contact flutter past my cheekbones and neck.

Opening my eyes. I glanced upwards to the sight of the white ceiling staring straight at me.

Looking away from the view, the sight of a long black cupboard and what seemed like a walk in closet. Adjoined with a bathroom remained closed.

Flickering my gaze  away from there I stared on to the wall length windows; overlooking the edge of the forest beside the house. The serenity of the view almost calmed my nervous which had been slowly brewing up. Knowing I was no longer in my bedroom, rather in someone else's.

Scrambling in to a seating position. My hands easily reached onwards at my forehead. Trying assess how I ended up in this room. In Omar's room until the events of last night came crashing down like a tornado.

I had come here, by myself.

Aman. His marriage. Armaan. Sandra.  Omar.

It hit me almost like a bus hitting someone knocking the breath out of them. In reality I'd be the life out of me, but in this case it might as well be.

Closing my eyes tightly. Images of Omar's delicate hand caressing me flashed before me. The way he embraced whilst I fell asleep, sent warm shivers down my spine.

To say my decision was abrupt, would be an understatement but then I realised. I was tired. I was tired of running, of fighting, of being angry.

I didn't want it. All my life I've lived in a bubble of facade. Fantasised by fairytale. I know, I would never be the Naina who loved easily, who smiled easily. Who believed anything could be fixed with a smile yet at the same time I knew. I could either learn to forgive or continue living in this hatred. A hatred and anger that would soon eat me up.

It's easy to hate someone. To be fuelled with anger yet the person whom learns to put that behind and moves on, is the one who has truly lived and loved. Whether you choose to remain with the person or not.

My decision was last minute. To learn, to forgive and move on, and I know a part of me will remain, that can never truly forgive Omar. Maybe because I was jealous, of him and Sarah. And even if their marriage was all a sham, I was jealous of that fact that he had Kabir with her.

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