Chapter 38

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After the fight with Bellamy I went straight to bed. I woke up and it was Christmas. I love  Christmas. I love the feeling of it. Everyone coming together. This Christmas was going to be different. Spending it with my ex boyfriend who I am not in good terms with, is not my idea of a nice Christmas. But for now I just need to deal with it. There is nothing I can do about it. I walked down stairs in my pyjamas. I saw Bellamy and Octavia sitting there. Laughing about something. They stopped laughing as soon as I came there.

"Hi Clarke." Octavia said and smiled.

"Hi, no need to stop talking when I get here." I said and faked a laugh.

"I need to use the bathroom, I will be right back." Octavia said and left.

"Clarke, I am sorry. About yesterday, about everything." Bellamy said and I looked back at him.

"It's fine. I have moved on. I am sorry about yelling at you yesterday. I guess that I finally realized that we are over and that we will be like that. I hoped that you would come to me and say that you didn't mean what you said. But that never happened. And even that I hate to admit it, it broke me a little. I was a mess, but now I am better." I said. Bellamy just looked down. My feelings for him are still there. I don't think they will ever dissapear. I will just have to ignore them. It hurts but it's better for the both of us. "We are not meant to be and that's something I have to come in terms with." I added quietly.

Bellamy's pov

Hearing what she said made me want to break down into tears. She gave up on me. I always thought that she would, but hearing that, is something different. And the fact that she said that 'we are not meant to be' hurt more than it should. I was gone for months and I knew that she would have to move on. She had moved on, but I haven't. I love her. My feelings will never dissapear. Just thinking about not being able to hold her hand, kiss her, be there for her at all times felt like someone was poking holes in my heart. All I can do is try and be here friend. Just friend because that's all she wants. That's not all I want, but that isn't my desicion to make. Not this time.

"Hi what did I miss?" Octavia asked as she walked in.

"I-I need to go to the store I forgot something." I said trying to get out fo there. I didn't want them to see me cry.

"Can I come with you? I have nothing else to do." Clarke said and smiled.

I don't know what to say. I don't want her to see me cry. I just need to suck it up and go to the store with her.

"Bellamy?" Clarke said and laughed, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yeah, let's go." I started to walk to my car. Clarke followed.

The car ride was silnet, but the store was close so it didn't last that long.

"So, what do we need to buy?" Clarke asked.

"Alcohol." I said. Something that will help me drown my feelings and hopefully make me forget about her. Even if it is just for a couple of hours.

She looked at me with a weird expression. I just ignored it.

"Do you need anything?" I ask trying to keep it together.

"Ice cream." Clarke says.

"Why do you need that? It's Christmas." I ask.

"I just feel like eating it. Why do you need alcohol?" She said and looked at me.

"I just feel like drinking it." I answer making fun of her answer. She just rolls her eyes.

We buy what we need and start heading back home.

"We are back!" Clarke yells as we walk in.

"Hi!" Octavia yells from the kitchen.

She walks to look at what we bought.

"Vanilla ice cream and vodka?" Octavia said confused.

"The ice cream is mine. The vodka is his." Clarke said and looked at me.

"Okay." Octavia said and looked at me.

I wanted to explain why I got it. But I couldn't, they wouldn't understand me.

A/N: Hey guys! I am back, I hope that the break I had wasn't too long and that you didn't lose intrest in this story. I will be updating every sunday like I did before. Have an amazing 2018! xx.

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