017 | doesn't matter

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IT HAD BEEN WEEKS. Weeks since that night where James had confessed how he still loved her. James was drunk at time, but every single word he had spoken came from the heart, which meant they were true.

James still loved her, and that was something she should know. But he wished he would've never said anything that night, because he felt whatever they possibly had going on had disappeared. He felt as if they were back to the beginning. Where they wouldn't talk and they acted as if they didn't know one another.

It was crazy how they had been so close at one point where they knew one another more than them knew themselves, and now it was like they had never met, again.

James wished he would've just kept his thoughts and feelings to himself. He was drunk and he knew what he was saying. But he felt as if he had little control to stopping himself from saying what he shouldn't come out.

His heart hurt at the fact that she hadn't said anything back to him after he told her he loved her. That night, he hoped that maybe somewhere in her heart– where she still loved him– she would've confessed told him that she indeed still loved him. Or maybe the only reason she didn't say it back was because that place in her heart where she loved him didn't exist anymore and that she didn't love him.

That was all he could possibly think about that night. He thought there was no other reason to why she wouldn't say anything back.

The thought of Natalia not loving him anymore, was one that hurt him. Not only because he still loved her and she didn't, but because she was his first love, and first loves are always special and to be frank he hoped that Natalia would be his first and last love.

Neither of them tried to communicate with one another after that night. Just when James felt like they were getting somewhere, he felt like he had ruined the chance of them being together again. He felt that whenever he was right he was actually wrong and would ruin everything. No matter how much he tried, he felt like everything would always go wrong.

James hated for thinking that maybe they would never be together. That he was wasting his time because she didn't want him back. The more he thought about it, the more he began to believe that they would never be together. He had given himself false hope of getting back together and being in love again, just like they were when they were younger.

He loved her, more than his words could ever explain, more that actions could ever explain. But he felt like whatever they had at the moment was just a one way thing. Where he wanted them to be together and she didn't. That he loved her but she didn't.

There were times when he would stay up all night when he was in Munich, and he would think about what he would do if he would get the chance to see Natalia. He thought about what he would do to fix things between them, what he would do for them to be happy and to be in love again. Everything. He would do everything. Even if it meant giving up his fame, his money, and even his career. There was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

James knew that Natalia would tell him that he was crazy for saying something like that.

But there were times where he felt like he should give up on whatever they used to have. He didn't like having to think about giving up on them but them maybe they just weren't meant to be.

James knew that he could spend years trying to be with someone who didn't want to be with him, or he could move on— because he felt like if he kept trying he would only hurt himself more.


"I don't think having to buy me lunch was necessary," she laughed. "James, I only helped you with some paperwork, it's my job to help," she said, laughing once again.

James smiled and shook his head, "Well you've always helped me and I guess it was time for me to thank you, with at least lunch for everything you do, Sofia."

Sofia García was one of the many people who worked with James' agent, he had met Sofia when James was in the process of transferring to Bayern Munich. At the time, he had not payed any attention to her or any girls in fact, he was too busy regretting what he had said to Natalia. But James had met Sofia a few times, and today would be the most recent.

Never had he seen Sofia more than a friend, but that didn't mean he didn't find her beautiful, just not as beautiful as Natalia, no woman could be as beautiful as he saw Natalia.

He thought that maybe if he spent time with other people that weren't just his teammates, friends or family, he could possibly get over Natalia or stop thinking about her as much as he did. But almost everything would remind him of her.

Using Sofia– well that's how he felt at the moment, like if he wasn't constantly thinking about Natalia or if they were still together, there would be no need for him to hang out with Sofia. He knew it was wrong, he knew better than that, but it wasn't as if he was using her for something else– they were just having lunch as friends.

James knew that his intent for this wasn't to make Natalia jealous– he only wanted to get Natalia off his mind for a while. But it was if the universe had listened and done the opposite because, Natalia had entered the same place where James was.

It had taken a while but Natalia had spotted him and some girl, who she didn't even know. Natalia wasn't someone to get jealous easily or even at all at times, but this right now would be an exception. She wondered why she even felt jealousy, they weren't together and even if she had wanted something to happen, it was too late because she had gotten her chance to when James had confessed he loved her.

But she didn't say anything back, so the jealousy that she felt at the moment wasn't something she should feel, and the fact that James was with another girl didn't matter, did it?

so i haven't been updating this book much, just because i haven't had motivation. i was just wondering if i should continue this book or not because it seems like no one ever reads this story anymore.

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