John stared at Ruby in silence. Ruby wondered if she hadn't been slightly too detailed in her description, although she had missed out a lot of the really gory details.
'I'm so sorry, Ruby,' he said finally, his voice hoarse.
She smiled, trying to lighten the mood. 'It's alright, I told you, I'm fine. I thought I was dying at the time, but honestly I was fine by the next day - well, night anyway.' She laughed but John didn't join in.
'I should have been there with you.'
'Even if you were, there wouldn't have been anything you could have done. These things just happen sometimes.'
'I had no idea...'
'No, I know you didn't,' she said softly and took his hand. 'But at least I didn't actually end up at that horrible mother and baby place. I was dreading going. I was two days away from it too, when... when it happened.'
'That's why you didn't come home?'
'Well, partly I suppose. After all that happened, I just couldn't face going back to Liverpool and having to see...' She stopped herself.
'Me,' John finished for her.
'Not just you. Everyone. I told Spencer about it, in a moment of stupidity, and he's got a mouth like the Mersey tunnel. Plus there were all your friends who'd know and...'
'I didn't tell anyone,' John interrupted. 'I mean, I told Stu, but that was all.'
'Really? Oh. Well, that explains a lot then.'
'Do... Do you know what it was? What it was going to be, I mean? Before you, you know, lost it?'
Ruby frowned, considering John for a moment. 'It was a girl,' she said finally.
John sighed and looked at his feet, taking his hand back from her. Ruby watched him for a moment, wondering what to say. Eventually, she reached over and rubbed his back. 'Hey,' she said softly. 'Like I said, John, it's all okay now. You don't need to beat yourself up over it.'
He looked at her. 'It doesn't matter what decision I make, I always make the wrong choice.'
'That's not true.'
'I didn't come here to bring all this up again. I didn't want to make you feel bad or guilty, really, John.'
'What did you come here for then?'
Ruby smiled. 'Just to see you. To see if... well, if I still had feelings for you.'
'Before you got hitched to that Billy?'
'And do you?'
John smiled faintly.
'But,' Ruby added quickly, 'that doesn't matter now. I was expecting just to see you and find out if I... if I still loved you, and then I'd know if marrying Billy would be a good idea or not. What I wasn't expecting was to find you with a wife and new baby.'
'No, I suppose not.'
'That's... it's just unbelievable. How long do you think you'll be able to keep that all a secret?'
'Not much longer if people keep blurting it out in public,' he said, but grinned to show he was joking. He fumbled in his trouser pockets, taking out a crushed packet of cigarettes, some coins, keys... 'Ruby...' He found what he was looking for and took it out of his pocket, shielding it with his hand from Ruby's view. 'If you still love me, then you can't marry Billy.'
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Razzmatazz (Beatles Fan Fiction)Fanfiction
August 1963 - The Beatles are playing a 6 night residency in Llandudno, Wales, when a stranger arrives looking for John. What is the secret past these two people share? And what will it mean for the future of The Beatles? ...