Broken Strings

C H A P T E R T W E N T Y - S I X

The walls he had built around his heart just because he didn't want to be anything like his mother or his father. He certainly didn't want to be anything like his parents.

"I can't make you forgive him. It's your choice if you want to forgive him. Honestly, the mistakes he made and the things he did, they aren't forgivable. But sometimes, people make mistakes Ryan. That's how life works. Nothing goes according to plan. You can't control that." Anisha gave him a smile small.

He looked like a younger version of Andrew. But his behavior was different from Andrew's.

She was thankful for that.

"Everybody makes mistakes. Your father made mistakes. I made mistakes." There was no denying that. "Your dad loved his sister just like you love Mira."

"Do you remember when Mira was in first grade and she broke her arm when she fell off the monkey bars? I think that was the first time I ever saw you cry since the day I accidentally broke your toy helicopter. But do you remember? You were crying and you wouldn't leave her bedside at the hospital. You bought her the pink teddy bear from the gift shop. She's your sister Ryan. And you love her." Her words were getting to him. Ryan would protect his sister, he wouldn't let anyone hurt his little sister.

He wouldn't let anyone break her fragile heart.

Anisha knew that.

It was the only thing that was giving her faith that her little and innocent daughter would be fine without her.

Mira was a lot stronger than Anisha took her to be. And so was Ryan. But Ryan, Ryan was a little softer than Mira. Anisha was slowly realizing this now.

"That's exactly how your dad felt when he found out that Cassie was in the hospital. She killed herself and she left behind the guilt, she left the guilt for me and your father to deal with. Your father and I, we both ruined our own marriage. But Ryan, not all marriages are like that. There are people who get happy endings. Not all marriages are this fucked up."

"There's always exceptions. Things are different when you love someone. Things are always different when you love someone."

Ryan looked down at his hands. He had made his own mistakes.

Hurting his mother was one of those mistakes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice held softness. But also fear as he kept looking to her hand, the napkin crumbled into a small ball.

His mother didn't deserve the way people treated her. The way his father had treated her. And he hated her for being so weak.

"Ryan..." Anisha didn't need Ryan to be sorry.

Her broken marriage wasn't his fault. It was her own. It was hers and Andrews. But mostly, it was her own.

"I'm so sorry Mom. For everything I ever said and did to you. I just, fuck, it was easier to blame you. I hated the fact that you stayed with him. I hated you for staying with dad especially when you knew he was cheating on you. I hated that." He sucked his lip, shrugging. Ryan was soft. He didn't ever show it but he was. Things affected him much more then he let on. "Because it's my fault. It's all my fault. You got back with him because I wanted you to. I guess, I...I just blame myself for everything he did to you."

Anisha cleared her throat, awkwardly as she suppressed a cough.

"Ryan, don't. Please don't. I stayed. It was my choice. If anyone is to blame, it's me." She just didn't know how to leave. It had been her choice. And by staying, she had made herself dependent on Andrew.

She didn't know how to leave. Staying had been the easy choice. She wasn't sure if it had been the right choice but it had sure felt like it. "At the end of the day, I was the one who stayed. I let him do everything he did. I let him treat me like that. I just...I didn't know what else to do."