F I V E | Saving Me

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{Pic of Olivia}

Song: Sirens

Artist (s): Cheryl Lloyd

Kill them with success and bury them with a smile.

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I don't know why I left with Neel, but I knew it was my only chance of an escape. I was heart broken, scared, I had a lot of anxiety. I felt worried, weak and I had no idea how I was ever going to come up with the strength. But I just closed my eyes, and took a big leap. I knew I had to get out of there.

Neel. He was someone who was always in jail. Someone you would see being violent, one way or another. Could I really trust him. Was I really about to jump out of the clutches of one man right into the grasp of another? It's hard to trust when all you have from the past is evidence of why you shouldn't. I have trust issues because I've heard the statement 'I won't hurt you' way too many times while the actions had told be differently. I'm just very aware. I'm a realist rather than a pessimist. I've seen human behaviour at its best and worst so now, I just sit and observe. I'll never fall victim to words again because its really about behaviour. Behaviour never lies. Words do.

"We're here" I heard Neel say from the drivers seat. I looked out of the window and saw a single two floored, house sitting on the lawn. Neel got out, opening my door for me before walking off.  He walked to the front door, unlocking it before stepping in, holding the door open for me. I scanned the house, but didn't say anything. I didn't even know what I was doing here. I had to go back sooner or later, there was no doubt about that. Why was I making it worse by prolonging it?

Neel led me to the living room, asking me to take a seat, which I did.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Neel yelled from what I'm assuming is the kitchen. I didn't reply. I stared at my hands, not knowing what I was doing anymore. 

"I know, this isn't easy for you" Neel had once again entered the living room and had taken a seat on the couch opposite me. He stood up making his way towards me, and as much as I backed in the couch, it didn't help. 

"But trust me when I say this, I will never let that bastard touch you again. Ever" Kneeling in front of me Neel squeezed my knee and I couldn't help but flinch. I hated this. I hated not being able to control myself. Control how I feel. Control how I behave. I unconsciously began tearing up and I didn't hide it. What was the point.

I was beyond scared. Terrified even. Of what? I don't know. The only thing that kept me going was God. The phrase 'do not be afraid' is written in the bible 365 times. It was a daily reminder for me that God is telling me to be fearless. After losing my parents and having no one by my side, the only person I could turn to was God. He always listened. He always loved. And that's exactly what I needed.

I felt Neel's hand under my chin, gently gripping it, lifting my head so I could face him. 

"I know you're scared. There are fucking monsters out there, and it's okay to be afraid. But, what's not okay, is to let them win." Neel stood back up, but this time took a seat next to me.

"I can't force you to stay here, but there is no way in hell that I'm letting you go back to him" the disgust in Neel's voice is very evident and I didn't blame him. 

"Who else lives here?" I whispered looking up at Neel. I could see the surprise on his face when I spoke but he masked it immediately. 

"Just me and two of my friends. They won't bother you, I promise" As soon as those words left Neels mouth, the front door slammed open, making me jump. Could it be Tobias? Did he send someone to hurt me? To hurt Neel? Through each passing second, my heart beat began to rise, and I couldn't help it. 

The worst bit of an anxiety attack is, that you're aware that you're being irrational and sometimes, but knowing that gives you no aid whatsoever. In my case, it deepens the anxiety as I realise...'If I know it's irrational, why can't I stop it? - Oh God, I can't stop it!'...I begin believing that I no longer have control over my mind and that scares me the most. 

My vision began to blur and I could only barely hear Neel. He stood in front of me, grabbing a hold of my hands.

"Olivia, remember what I taught you to do? Breathe and then start assessing" I snapped my eyes shut and starting counting my breaths. I opened my eyes looking around the room and began to list things in my head. When I got my breathing under control, I looked up at Neel who just stood there, not once leaving my hands. But we weren't the only ones in the room.

There were two more boys at the entrance, about the same age as us. The looked strikingly similar apart from a few odd differences and I came to the conclusion that they were twins.

"These are the boys that I mentioned" Neel took a seat once again. He looked up at the guys and motioned them closer. As they began stepping forward, my hand instantly flew to Neel's and I held on for dear life. I don't know why though? I don't know why I felt so safe with him. Why I felt so protected. With him, I felt safe from the things that hurt me inside. 

"This is Julian and that is Julius" Neel pointed to each boy. I didn't look at them. I saw them pass a look to Neel who was having a silent conversation with them. They didn't say a word to each other but just stared. As if they understood what was going on, their eyes widened a fraction as they looked between Neel and I.

"They're safe. You can trust them." Neel promised. Without a word Julian and Julius left the room and headed upstairs. The room filled with silence and neither one of us was willing to break it.

"You do understand, that we need to go to the police?" I sighed knowing he was going to bring that up.

"I did" I grimaced at the memory. "I reported them but they paid their way out of it. I don't know how I survived the retaliation." I continued. Neel clenched his fists, not knowing what else to do. As soon as he lifted his hand up, my eyes snapped shut, my arms automatically shielded my face. When I didn't feel anyone pain, I cracked one eye open and saw Neel frozen in his place.

"I was going to grab my phone" Neel pointed at the table. 

"I would never, ever hit you. Ever" Neel grabbed my arms, uncovering my face. When I didn't reply, Neel sighed and got up walking towards the door. 

"Thank you" I called out just before he left. He whipped his head around.

"For what?" he questioned.

"For saving me"

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