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Pen Your Pride

7:24 am and bump measured 143cm. I noted that this is abnormally large and much closer to full term than I should be. Don't panic. There was something not right with this pregnancy, and it terrified me to a point where I could barely function. I looked around the room, standing in the center of the conjoined living/kitchen space. It was well furnished with lamps and a television, an ornamental chess set and large bamboo plant, kitchen appliances like a dish washer, microwave and kettle. I needed to buy all the necessities for the twins and this was my first stop of the day. A boy and a girl. I lifted my purse and car keys,which now housed my apartment key.I realized last night, during a warm bath that I cried for the duration, two things. Firstly - I was painfully hormonal and needed to stop crying soon. Secondly, I wouldn't ask Brandon for another thing as long as I were here. Life had been painfully easy without males and in the last three months they had ruined everything. Not only was I hurt by Brandon, but maybe worse, I was disappointed in him. Disappointed in him for hurting me, for letting him into my life and letting him treat me like that.

I locked the door silently behind me and the sun filtered through the trees which overshadowed the door. A quick glance at my watch proclaimed it was 8:16 am, letting me slide out of the garden and round the front of the house without a second glance.

Mothercare was the first shop I entered and I instantly fell in love with a double pram - the Bugaboo Donkey Twin Pram & Pushchair. I lost my love for it only sightly when I realisedhow much it costed. In the end I spent over two and a half thousand pound, consuming nearly all my funds that I had left from my dads death. I had to sit down periodically, and the workers here were more than helpful, but I realized with the boxes of stuff that I had bought, I had no way to get it home. Even my car, which was still faithfully parked outside my house after Brandon picked me up me up yesterday morning, wouldn't have carried this. Had so much really happened between then and now? Would Darren give me a lift? No, he had work. Ironically enough, I was meant to have school, but I was too exhausted even care right now. Was Brandon in school right now? I bit my cheek. I really needed a lift home. Was it cruel to ring him and use him as a taxi service? My subconscious screams at me, cruel was what he did to you! My rationality kicked in. Did he really do anything? Who was I to stop him? So we were going to pretend to be some sort of happy family, of course that wouldn't work, it was my own stupidity for putting so much faith in him. I finally bit the bullet and rang him.

"Lily." He said my name in a single breath, sounding slightly like a sigh. "Where are you? I've been going crazy here. Please tell me you didn't go home." His voice remains a whisper and my throat tightens. Stand your ground, Pearce. Don't be fulled by his crap.

With as little emotion as I could muster, I mumbled, "I'm in mothercare, I need a lift home with what I've bought, can you pick me up please? I can't drive myself home without my car." I add as a way of explaining myself, even though my rational side explains that I don't owe him an explanation.

"I'll be there in five." Blank and to the point, he hangs up and I sigh with relief. No argument so far. True to his word, he appears five minutes later, disheveled and sleep deprived, dark bags under his eyes and winkled clothes. My breath still catches in my throat, how can it not? I shy back consciously, aware of his eyes on me and that my top doesn't fit over this bump well, making me look like a whale. His blonde hair was flopping over his eyes and I had the strongest desire to reach up and push it out of his eyes, but I stood rooted to the spot.

"Hi." He says softly.

"Hi." I reiterate with the same soft tone.

"Go ahead and jump in the car, I'll throw what you bought into the back of the van."

I comply and am thankful that I have a few minutes to myself to form my thoughts. The car smells like him and I feel myself sink into the comfort of the seat. Within minutes the car is loaded and he jumps into the passenger seat. As soon as he gets into the car, the atmosphere changes. It is charged but there is tension. I think he's angry at something, but I'm not sure what, and I decide to easiest way to find out is to ask him.

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