We all have them.
I look at some of my friends their flawless skin and size 0 pants size and hair that flops just the right way.
And then you look in the mirror and you see a bunch of pimples starting to sprout on your nose, a bunch of fly away hair out of place and every un groomed eyebrow hair.
I look at one of my best friends and see how beautiful she is. How the boys chase after them. How we can go out in public and people find her so approachable. It makes you wonder why does such beautiful person want hangout with a girl with an average personality, looks that are only attractive when pounds of make cover the blemishes and will eat anything offered to them.
Was I just this confidence boost that when she looked at me she always could feel better about herself.. like oh well at least I don't have that gap in my teeth.
Was I just the only person who could tolerate her.
The night that we plan on hanging out with a group of people we want to impress we get ready together. Her make up is spread on her bedroom floor. creams and cover up and mascara are applied to her face in routine. like shes always put this much make up on when it was just me and her.
I need to go to the gym, she'll tell me.
I nodd as if I understand how out of shape she looks... but to me she looks perfect. I wouldn't dare tell someone I was trying to loose weight.
I don't want the pity.
I don't need someone to tell me I don't need to loose the weight.
I don't need to post every work out I do or every food I eat.
She looks at her face and murmurs something about not having enough under eye concealer
She looks at the tiny wrinkles under eye and wines about the dark circles. I would have never noticed if she didn't point them out.
After ten minutes of primping she looks at herself with all the confidence I see in her everyday. She knows she's beautiful. She looks the same as she started just the end part she ready to face the world.
She tears herself apart looking in the mirror as I stand staring at my on reflection not releasing any of my thoughts on myself. I look at myself and think this is as good as its going to get.
Once we're both ready we look at each other we don't say it but we're comparing ourselves to each other. She looks at my eyebrows and wants to fix the arch in hers. I see the hair perfectly combed and want to grab a straightener and flatten my hair.
But what does this all mean. The inner competition with yourself. Someone is looking at you thinking your the most beautiful girl. Someone is looking at the way you part your hair and wants to look just like that and will inspire themselves to look just like you.
Maybe all your friends are good looking because they find you attractive and you fit right into their clan of good looks. and so what if you aren't as beautiful that means your personality is so engaging that looks surpass the looks.
Insecurities could drive you insane because you feel like your the only person who struggles and feels this way but look around you, the most beautiful girl in the world is insecure ... its just the nature of girls.