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Pen Your Pride

I woke up to my phone blaring the chorus of 'Pick up the Phone' by Falling in Reverse. I groaned and answered, know that it was Emmalynn or Rose.

"Where the fuck are you?" Emmalynn's lovely voice half screamed down the phone at me.

"I'm on Austin's bus. Jake and I-" I started, only in turn. being cut off by Emma.

"Jake and you fought. He saw you and Jaime kissing. He got pissed and screamed. You stormed out, yeah I know."

"Well, seeing as how I'm awake now, and it doesn't feel like the bus is moving, I should be back to our bus soon," I said into the phone, not giving her a chance to argue or agree before hanging up.

I stood up, sliding out of the bunk and landing with a thud on the floor. I grabbed my clothes from the day before and walking into the back lounge, changing into my jeans and tucking in Austin's shirt. I walked out of the back longue, grabbing my phone as I walk past the bunks. I walked into the front longue of the bus and smile at Austin.

"Emmalynn is in dire need of me," I say, walking towards the door of his bus.

"Remember to think about what I said, Lorraine. Also, here's Jaime's number. Just in case, you know," he smiles at me. Handing me a slip of paper with numbers scratched onto it, in handwriting that almost only he could manage to make out.

"Thanks Austin," I mutter, kissing his temple and walking off of his bus into the misty morning air.

I spend a few minutes just walking around before I start to look for where our bus is parked in the mob of busses. I see our black and silver bus and walk up to the door, entering the code and walking in. It was only a little after seven, so not many people would be awake. I could hear movement from the bathroom so I walked to the door that was only open by a small crack. I saw Emma's pink hair and walked in.

"You called," I sang as I walked in, earning a smile from Emma in return.

"Okay, so enough chit chat. If we're gonna get you and Jake back to besties forever I gotta get all of the details from you about the whole Jaime situation," she said, straightening her bangs.

I nodded before shutting the bathroom door and leaning against it. I slowly let myself slide down the door, taking a seat on the floor once I hit the bottom of the door.

"I ran into Jaime at the party. He grabbed my wrist not realizing it was me and he asked if I had seen Vic. I turned and pulled away from him and started running just in time to run into Mike, quite literally. I decided to let him explain. He said that he regrets breaking up with me, and that he doesn't go a day without thinking about me. He claimed that he hoped I would be the one calling anytime his phone went off. He said that he only wanted me," my voice trailed off.

"Do you believe what he said, Rain?" Emma asked, I knew Jaime enough to know that he wouldn't lie about things so serious.

"I think that there's a part of me that doesn't want to believe him just because of the feelings from when he broke up with me. But, the other part of me, the more dominant part of me, wants to believe him and just forget everything that he did. He held so much raw emotion behind his words as he was talking and confessing everything. I was with him for nearly a year and a half, and I don't recal another time where he looked so sincere. I mean, sure, we've been apart for over a year," I paused, looking up at the ceiling before continuing, "I need to think. About what Jaime said, and about what Austin said. I don't think I can do this unless I ruminate for a while."

Emma gave me a sympathetic smile before sitting next to me and leaning her head on my shoulder. She sighed slowly, "I think that you need to just do what sounds right to you. You're smart. You use words like 'ruminate' and 'derelict' in your everyday vocabulary. You'll be able to do the right thing and make a good decision."

I smiled at her before standing up and offering my hand out to her, "come with me to talk to Jake?" I asked, earning a smile and nod in response. I pulled her off of the floor before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

Emma sat at the table in the front lounge and gave me a reassuring smile as I walked to the bunks to get Jake. I opened his curtain and gently tapped his shoulder, shaking him from his comatose. "Jake, can I talk to you in the front lounge?" I asked once he looked at me. He nodded and I turned, walking from the bunks back to Emma and taking a seat next to her.

Jake stumbled out from the bunks soon and took a seat across from Emma and I. He looked up at me and gave me a sad smile. "I'm so sorry Lorraine, I shouldn't have overreacted like I did. I know it was a shitty thing for me to do."

"Jake, it's fine, alright. No harm, no foul. I just think that you have stuff you wanna say on the whole Jaime and I matter, and I'm giving you the opportunity because Austin got one, as did Emma," I say, keeping calm, and giving Emma a look so that she could reassure me.

"I hated having to see you like you were when Jaime broke up with you. I just don't think that I could handle another one of those days ever. I just want you to be safe and happy. I understand that you two talked, but I just don't want to see you hurt."

"Jake," Emma started, "I know what you mean. I feel the same way. I hated having no way to get a hold of her when she changed her number. It'll be alright though. Lorraine's the smartest one of all of us. She  could take the jobs of any of the crew members and do it just as well as they did, even better possibly. I think that- scratch that. I know that Lorraine can and will make the right choice with this. You just have to give her the opportunity because we all know damn well that she won't unless she has your permission to do it. She's too damn loyal to everyone, especially you, to do it without it."

Jake nodded at her, taking in what she said. I sat there unable to speak because Emma had just done a damn near perfect job of explaining it. Jake looked at me then opened his mouth, "what did Austin say?" It made sense that he would ask about Austin's input. He thought Austin was twice as smart as anyone he's ever met.

"Austin told me that he thought that if it happens, let it happen and that I would make the right decision in all of this."

"Then go for it. But, don't get too invested until you know for sure that Jaime's for real on this. Because I don't want to lift you off of your bathroom floor while you hold a bottle of tequila and sing a rendition of 'Stop Crying Your Heart Out' while changing the lyrics just enough for the song to fit the situation," Jake said, looking me in the eyes, giving me the most serious answer he could, "I mean, sure you're rendition was great, but at the same time depressing as hell and made me what to shot myself," he added, smiling at me, making me laugh, thinking about the horrible memory.

I stood up and walked over to Jake's side of the table and gave him a hug, silently thanking him for letting me take control of this situation.

I stood back up and walked to the bunks, grabbing clothes for the day and walking back to the bathroom. I changed into a pair of light blue denim skinny jeans and a black Anthem Made tank top. I ran a brush through my now wavy hair and called it good enough. I took out my piercings and put on a small amount of eyeliner.

I grabbed my phone and dialed a number that I had remembered for the longest time. I glanced at the clock, hopefully they'd be awake, its only after nine by a small amount.

The phone rang for what felt like ever when finally the person answered.

"Hello?" the husky voice asked, unsure of who the odd number belonged to.

"Can you meet me outside your bus in fifteen minutes?" I ask, hopefulness coating my voice.

"Yeah, I'll be waiting when you get here."

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