1st Blood

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My life is always full of caution. But I never care, I always do my way through the problem not around.

My heart is very, very weak.

I have a heart problem. I got it when I was born. My heart hurts, like every single hour and day. But now I start get used to it, but it still hurts.

My mom is always nice to me. Even if I pretend that I'm having an attack. I stopped doing that because that made her sad. My dad left us after my mom gave birth to me, but I don't know why he left us. My mom doesn't mind he left, actually she's glad he left. Because she wants me all to herself.

Usually people who have heart problems go in and out of the hospital but not me. I never when to the hospital, well just for check-ups, but that's all. Why, because I don't need to.

Ok I do need to but I hate hospitals. And people who usually have heart problems never get to do anything fun, especially sports. But not me! Sports is my life! I play sports everyday. Even if I have a heart problem. My favorite sport is soccer. When I play sports my heart hurts even more. But I usually endure it. I don't want to disappoint my team mates and lose just because of me dying. And at least let me have good memories before I die.

Nothing bothers me about me dying, even if I die in a young age, I have nothing to regret. But...no matter how much I say that to myself, I can never convince myself.

When I was little, about six, I was at another check-up. I was playing in the play area while my mom and doctor talk.

I got bored and lonely so I walked to the room where they were talking. I was about to knock on the door but then I heard my name. I leaned on the wall and stayed silent.

"Is there another way?" My mom asked sounded worried. "No, I'm sorry but there is no way to stop it." The doctor said.

"Are you sure? There must be a way!" My mom breathed. "I'm very sorry but when Cleo turns fourteen when spring is there her heart can't take it anymore and give up." The doc said.

Man can he be at least be nice when you say the bad news twice, sheesh! Then my mom started to cry. Then I walked back to the play area, and when mom came out of the room I acted like nothing happened and I didn't hear anything. I saw her eyes were puffed up and red but I didn't point it out. Then that day she treated me extra nice. I liked it but I can never forget it.

And another thing is me keeping quiet is that I never told anyone about me having a heart problem. Because they'll probably kick me out of the team or go easy on me.  Not even the teachers.

I'm in every sport team. Volleyball, Soccer, Basketball, Baseball, Kendo, Judo, Taekwondo. All mastered. Name a sport and I PLAY IT. But I never get to make friends. My teammates doesn't count.

Not friends. People think I'm scary or something because I won the City champion and all martial arts, I'm all black belt. I go to a private school, not that I want to.

My mom thinks it's good for me to go to a big school to make tons of friends and make me forget my heart problem just a little bit. But I never did. Well, thanks mom for making me going to a lot of sports school. That's one thing.

But... I'm scared. I'm scared I'll die any time. I don't want to. But just one thing before I die? Please, please at least once, I want to make someone say that 'I'm special to them' and they mean it with all of their heart and want me to be their friend. Please, just once.

No, probably no one will say that or can read my mind. But I think I never said that they can't be human, right?           1st Blood

                                                                       Ten years later

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